It's been a while since an insensitive comment has hurt like that...

sarah_e87 · December 2011

I was delighted when my best friend called this morning to wish me a Merry Christmas and to see when I'd be leaving the city and heading up to her house in the mountains. While we were chatting, the conversation turned to babies and whether or not DH and I had given up on wanting (and trying for) a child yet. She thinks that we need to give it another year since I was in nursing school this last year and have "only been off the pill for 2 years now." I'm not sure all the strength in the world would have prepared me for what came out of her mouth next. And I quote...She said, "It's not going to happen while you want it. You have to stop wanting it. Truly GIVE UP the idea of having a child, and that's when you'll get pregnant. That's how Rylan came along." I'm still in disbelief that anyone could say that...especially my best friend who tried for 5 years for her last child. I really don't think giving up the desire to have a child will make my thyroid, ovaries, or pituitary gland work right...

Needless to say, I hung up on her and am now refusing to go spend Christmas with her (which was the plan since DH is working until late tonight). Here's to spending Christmas alone and hurt by my bestie.

Hope the rest of you ladies are having a better Christmas than me.

DoggieMom12 · December 2011

Aw, I'm sorry she said that to you. Don't let it get you down to bad on Christmas! Have a nice glass of wine while you wait for your DH. Hope your day gets better.

nycitygirl1 · December 2011

I'm really sorry you had to hear that from someone you were close to. Ugh! What a rude, insensitive comment and totally sucks coming from someone you think would understand - given how long it took her to conceive. One of my BFFs told me I just needed to "relax and it would happen" a few weeks ago and I nearly bit her head off and told her that no amount of "relaxing" would cure my PCOS.

From the way you explained it, it sounds like her comment wasn't intended maliciously, but was hurtful for obvious reasons. It sounds like she's forgotten what it felt like to be struggling with IF. If this girl is truly your BFF though, I'd maybe call her up and just explain why you're so hurt rather than let Christmas Day go by being in a fight It sucks that you have to be the bigger person when she's the one that said something obnoxious, but is this something you really want to lose a best friend over?

crene84 · December 2011

Everyone is always telling me stuff like that.."It will happen when you're least expecting it," "just relax," "stop thinking about it." Believe me, if I could stop thinking about it, I WOULD! I definitely agree, it seems like everyone who's not actively trying is getting pregnant, and everyone who is trying can't get pregnant...but unfortunately, everyone on this board is past the point of being able to stop thinking about it and just wait for it to happen on its own. We're all ready for babies now, and nothing is going to change that!

Merry Christmas, hope your day gets better.

sarah_e87 · December 2011

Thanks ladies. I'm not going to throw this frienship away...She and I both know that we can have arguements and say things that we think will help the other but really actually hurt, and our friendship will be okay in a few days. I've gotten very used to most of the usual "helpful" advice that people have...and it usually doesn't bother me. I have always wanted to be a mom...I can remember being 3 or 4 years old when I first realized all I really wanted to be was a mom. My bestie knows this. My first thought when she said those words was...How do I give up the only real and consistant life dream that I've had for practically my whole life? I think that's why I was so hurt by it. She was telling me to give up the ONLY thing I've really ever wanted and dreamt about my entire life.

In the mean time, I've decided to enjoy a day to myself catching up on all of my DVR'd stuff from while I was on vacation

CousinVicki · December 2011

lol @ "only off the pill for two years" what a moron!

Wish Upon A Star · December 2011

I have been told to stop wanting it too- like it's a craving for a sandwich or something. As if I have control over this incredible void I feel in my life. Just stop wanting to feel like a complete family rather than a couple. Oh ok, I'll get right on that.

Durham1008 · December 2011

Ouch. That sucks that she would say something like that to you.

doodiebug18 · December 2011

I can totally relate to how you feel. It's not like your already down on not getting pregnant right away and then to have someone close to you kick you why your down. My MIL has told me numerous times oh well maybe if you loose 20lbs you'd get pregnant right away, or like your comment you need to stop trying so hard it will happen when the time is right. I remain calm but then of course DH gets to hear all about it! I hope your Christmas ended up being a good one and relaxing!!! And good luck to you this upcoming year!!!

KellyAnne82 · December 2011

I'm sorry your friend hurt you that way. Sometimes people can be so insensitive, even thosethat know us best.On Christmas Eve my husbands best friend (while perching his adorable, unplanned 9month old onhis hip) asked "When are you going to give ****** a playmate?". When I tactfully tried tosay something to the effect of "We're working on it," he muttered something about it not beingrocket science.If he only knew, right?

cherimartin86 · December 2011

I have heard that numerous times...mostly from people who didn't try, like my sisters. They didn't plan on being pregnant, it just happened for them. I hate when people say that, as well as "It will happen when it is going to happen". I am sorry about that.

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