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Holiday Confessions!
I thought I'd start a separate post for our very specific Holiday-related confessions. Post 'em here!
But beware, I won't be deleting this. I'll leave it up so we can post our confessions all week long (b/c heaven knows we'lll need to vent once we've actually had the opportunity to spend time with our families).
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Holiday Confessions!
MIL moved back to CA shortly after I became PG w/J. So now for several years she's spent Christmases with us. And, for the past 4-5 yrs she's actually stayed w/us. {sigh} Just once I'd like a Christmas w/o her. It's already such a busy, stressful time of year that having her around, frankly, just adds to it. She's not really low-maintenance (although she likes to pretend she is) so it is extra work having her around. And she spends a ridiculous amount of time playing games on her laptop so it's not even like she's entertaining J so I can get stuff done! Plus she's super, super religious so DH doesn't feel comfortable drinking around her. And, I ask you, how am I supposed to get through the holidays if I can't have a glass of wine (or two. Or three) at the end of a long day?? The worst part is how much she annoys DH. For the most part, I feel like I can put up w/her little idiosyncrasies/quirks/demands but DH really gets annoyed by them. Which makes him annoying to be around. I just wish she would stay home one year -or even stay in a hotel so she wasn't underfoot 24/7.
Oh Sol, that sounds misersable.
My confession is that I have done no shopping for my dad and his wife. I have a hard time shopping for him. I love him dearly but being his kid at the holidays has been tough since he left my mom when I was 14. That's a long time to have tip toe around who to visit on Xmas.
And everytime I try to buy someone a gift, I end up with something in my cart (real and virtual) for me. I have bought myself some nice (and on sale!) stuff for my birthday.
I'd liked to just sit back and enjoy the season some year, how do I do that? Because this crazy never ending to-do list, running around like mad woman act is old.
Only way I could get my Mom to have Christmas Eve dinner with us, and not just come home super late to be here in the morning when the kids wake up, was to agree to have her BF here. Blahhhhhh...
And Sol your a saint, no drinking over the holidays ?!? Flask my friend, in the closest or under the bathroom sink lol.
107 Read/listened to in 2011: 91 Books/16 Audiobooks
Read 2012: 33/50
I'm adopting two families that just moved into a shelter for abused women a couple of days ago, nice way to spend the holidays right
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When I told my mom she first says "that's so wonderful" and then immediately follows it up with "have you bought everything for your family yet?" Now I'm sure she'd try to play it off as a random comment but here's the background:
A number of years ago I could not afford to do Christmas, I'd had to stop working right after being re-diagnosed with cancer so I was on disability and had thousands of dollars in med bills. So instead of buying for my brother, mother, father, 3 aunts, 2 grandmothers and 3 cousins.....none of whom needing anything mind you......I adopted a family. For a whopping $75 I was able to do gifts and a weeks worth of groceries (they only had one child). My mother freaked the eff out. Told me, and I quote " charity is something you do after you take care of your own family". I've never really forgiven her selfish attitude and that comment about buying for my own family, I felt like she was really saying " you better buy me a nice gift if you're adopting a family".
To make everything worse she's been in my house for about a week, her soon to be rental house is not going to be ready as she expected ( never mind we all told her it wasn't going to come together when she wanted). Frankly she's ruined my entire excitment about Christmas right now.
Oh J, I'm sorry you mom rained on your parade. Sometimes it's eaiser and more meaningful for us to do for those who need so much and expect nothing than it is to do for those who need very little and expect the world.
And frankly I'm shocked you still buy for cousins/etc. We've paired down our list so much we shop for our parents, each other (which we've skipped too some years), our kid and our 9 nieces and nephews. No one else makes the cut.
I am so frustrated and disappointed in my MIL. She emailed on Monday night asking for gift ideas for Kate. Really? Less than a week before Christmas and this is the first time you're thinking about your only grandchild? They live in the midwest, so it's not like it's going to be easy to buy and have something delivered in time. It just sucks because I work really hard to make the holidays (not just Christmas, but all holidays) really special, memorable and wonderful for our family, and I think I achieve that, so it's not like she ruins the holiday by any means. And it's not about the materialistic side of it, either. My ILs choose to be absent. And that is hurtful.
My ILs have not been out to visit since she was 6-months old... almost three years ago. And money isn't an issue. They have gobs and and oodles buckets full of money. They're both retired, so time isn't an issue, either. I just don't think that we are important to them. And that makes me really sad for my husband, too. But when she pulls her shenanigans at Christmas, it also brings up years of hurt and feeling disrepect on my part. (One year I was intentionally excluded from a family photo and last year I was basically told that I'm not part of the family...)
Luckily my family that more than compensates for love and affection for our daughter. And I'm beyond thankful that I have a loving, supportive husband who gets it, as well as an amazing kid. I just really want to punch my MIL.
Sounds like someone needs to be visited by 3 ghosts. Next year we're adopting families/angels in lieu of all adult gifts (except maybe each other). This time of year is especially about charity. You are Santa: bringer of miracles and joy. Your mom needs to get over herself.
I hate the fact that every year at this time my MIL is so negative and scroogy. And of course how I get through it is by drinking. I swear, I do not have a drinking problem but the only way to deal with her negativity (short of not being there) is to drink. Luckily I only have to be around her for a couple of hours this year.
And while would love to not be around her and not go, I go because I am there to support my husband b/c she is just as nasty and mean to him as she is to me.
I wish my mom was alive so I could enjoy the holidays a little bit more.
So, as of today, December 21st, we have not been made aware of any arrangements regarding any type of Christmas celebrations my husband's side of the family.
Are you shocked?
DH's family was under the impression that we would spend both Christmas Eve and morning with them until last night. I had been asking DH to call his dad since right after Thanksgiving when we decided to do Christmas at home and have me host breakfast, but he didn't till last night and I know there will be hard feelings about that. BUT it isn't my job to inform his family of our plans and I refuse to feel to bad about it.
Not really confessions, but...
I hate how stressed/rude a lot of people get during the holidays. I realize it's a busy season with a lot going on, but being a b*$&h because you have to wait in line or cutting someone off in the parking lot to get a prime spot kind of kills the holiday spirit.
And I'm super duper insanely jealous of everyone who shops/bakes/decorates etc with their mom during the holidays. My Mom loved Christmas as much as I do, and we used to spend days baking cookies, decorating the house and shopping. I'm doing that stuff with the girls, and it's wonderful, but I wish my Mom was here to enjoy it with us.
I don't buy anymore for my cousins but it's something that I simply refused to do anymore. Part of it is I've got a small family, my dad's we don't do gifts at all outside of my dad and step-mom but when I get together with my mom's side of the family they expect it. I only have two cousins on that side and one has down syndrome so I do get her something small since she's just as excited as a small child. My mom used to get grumpy I didn't get my grandmother anything yet my granmother would say "save your money, what do I need" and seriously she just died at almost 99 what did she need?
^
This is mine too. I wish my mom was around to enjoy the magic of Christmas that she always had in her. I miss her dearly and it's not getting any easier as people say.
ditto on J's ^
I love baking with my boys too, but I loved making Christmas goodies and shopping with my mom.
Steph and Jess-hugs to you both.
I wish that DH's family was more organized. Last year we went for dinner at my IL's house for Christmas Eve and we thought we were going to do that again this year but they have said NOTHING. I casually asked my MIL last month and she mentioned SIL wanted to host Christmas Eve dinner which is fine but has SIL called to invite us over....NO! I'm seriously considering cooking my own Christmas Eve dinner or going out to dinner that night instead of going over to the IL's.
Ditto. Big Hugs to you both!
I am really concerned about how EJ will feel about having a Christmas birthday as he gets older and understands birthdays. We are going to try and make him feel special and everyone suggests a 1/2 birthday...but lets face it, that just isnt the same.
I really feel so much guilt over his birthday being Christmas and I have a love hate relationship with that. I love that we get to use it as our excuse to do whatever the heck we want for the day...and that my sister will always be there to celebrate with him, but I hate that he has to share his day.
I am conflicted.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
Big hugs to you two also, I know you both understand the feeling more than anyone else on this board ever will until it happens to them. sorry we all have the connection of being a motherless daughter.
ETA: Not forgetting about you dblhappiness... (E)
Being sick just before the holidays stinks. We all caught some nasty tummy bug after my sister's shower and our travel plans have been postponed. I'm highly annoyed by DH when he gets sick because he just keeps telling me, 'when I feel better I'll let you know' which then means I can't do squat to get ready for his 'well, I feel better now, let's go!' I know that I am going to have to be ready in like 10 minutes notice and it irks me. I get so irritated that every time a trip or event is planned some wrench is thrown into it and I can't get over trying to just let it be. The boys are so upset that the original plans are a bust. If they had their way, we would've left DH on Wed night and be in SoCal now. And to think that my MIL has the nerve to say 'just come on Xmas'...she can tell that to 2 very patient boys who just don't understand why they can't have the Christmas *they* want.
I'm piggybacking on all those who wish their mom was around for the holidays. It's really hard. I think back to all the prep my mom used to do and the fact that some years she used to cook for upwards of 20+ neighbors and friends who didn't have family around for the holidays and we'd have them over to ours. I can barely handle juggling just a dinner or brunch for us...I could use her strength and poise. I have cried at every Christmas song that I hear on the radio because I can remember her singing the song and I get so, so sad. It also didn't help when my other sis was here this past weekend and asked the boys if they remember her at all (they only recognize her in pictures) and their answer was a resounding 'no'. It hurts that they will have no memories of their time together. What's also very hard and I'm in complete denial about it this year, is that my dad will not be spending Christmas with any immediate family. I'm devastated. He has to work til late on Xmas Eve and doesn't want to drive all day on Xmas Day to work the day after. I get that, but still something seems so wrong having him spend it with his lady friend. I know it's not wrong, it just feels like there's a huge hole. Things are changing and I'm still not sure if I can handle them.
Many many hugs to so many of you. The holidays are so hyped up to be such a wonderful magical time for EVERYONE. To try to reach that ideal when things in our lives are not how we would like them to be can cause so much pressure/ sadness/ frustrations/ anger/ etc. I am hoping to focus on my kids excitement and see the holiday through their eyes and fulfill their hearts with the magic that they still believe in. Through them, I feel like I can feel it too. (Easier said than done.)
My confession- dreading my FIL's visit over New Year's. Just an annoying odd man... I wish DH had a "normal" (haha- what is that?) family. Then again, I cannot complain- compared to some ILs, he is not horrendous. I am jealous of how lucky my DH is to have awesome IL. (not bias at all... just an observation.)
It's all relative.
Hugs to all of you missing your moms this year.
Holy CRAP and knock me over! I enjoyed Christmas Eve with DH's family! Now that might have been partly because after 4 glasses of wine and I had nothing in my stomac because dinner was 2 hours late, I was 4 sheets to th wind but still, I had fun. Sadly Riley got very ill and didn't make it. My mom kept him and I couldn't belive how many people thought we should have still taken him. ((((sigh))))