Oh yeah, and I am going back to work. On Christmas.

Sascha3 · December 2011

After today's appointment, I decided just to go back to work. I was put on bedrest from weeks 34-36 and I took the last week and a half off too, since I feel so exhausted and short of breath every day. But now I have everything done, and I am bored and useless and I feel so guilty for sitting home for no medical reason. Plus, my husband is about to work a 2 week stretch with no days off and since I have no other family here I don't want to sit home and be depressed on the holiday.

So I am going back to work on Christmas! Yes, the boutiques inside the casinos are open 365 days a year, until midnight every night. I will be happier hanging out with my coworkers than sitting home sulking. The good news is that the next week is one of the busiest of the year so I will make a ton of money, and if I feel like sh!t, I will be too busy to notice. Worst case scenario...I speed up this labor process:) Since receiving the news today that I am neither effaced, dilated or dropped, I figure being on my feet can't hurt at all, and may help. I am only going to do 5 hour shifts instead of 9.

PsyDr04 · December 2011

I can't say I blame you. I've been home, not working since the middle of June because I had such bad morning/noon/night sickness I could barely function (up through my 20th week). I had just started a new job when I found out I was pregnant but hated it so it was a blessing in disguise in some ways because I was able to quit after only about a month of being there. Having said that, I can say that it has been extremely hard to be home for 6 months doing nothing (other than growing a human of course!). Like anyone, I enjoy having down time but this experience has made me realize how much I really am someone who needs to work and stay relatively busy during the week. I've been depressed on and off about not working since I quit and have felt a lot of guilt that my husband has been the sole breadwinner, even though he has never once made me feel bad about not working. I'm just one of those people that needs to feel like I'm making a contribution and I'm not comfortable letting someone else take care of me. I know that sounds a little crazy, but before I met my husband (and even after we met but before we got married), I paid all the bills and didn't have to rely on anyone to support me. It's been really awkward for me to not have an income and I just hope that I can find a job that I like when the time is right (hopefully by March or April).

Sascha3 · December 2011

I totally understand everything you are saying. I also had the 24 hour sickness and took 4 weeks off back then. I was so sick that I didn't feel guilty about that, but now I am just tired and I feel lazy! I think I will be ok with staying home after the baby because I will be so busy all day and I will feel like I have a reason, but for now, I need to feel productive. I have rested for almost a month now.

And I have always been independent as well. It is really hard to not feel self sufficient for me. I know it is technically "our" money, but I am not going to feel comfortable buying myself non necessities when I am not contributing any money. I am used to spoiling myself on occasion. I seldom shop, but when I do I like to buy expensive things. There is no way I will do that if I am not working. I am going to try the SAHM thing and I hope I can do it and still feel good about myself. I definitely don't want to go back to full time though. I think I will probably end up compromising with a part time job, unless I come up with a way to generate income through a home business. I really want to be home for my baby as much as I can for the first few years.

PsyDr04 · December 2011

Sascha3:

And I have always been independent as well. It is really hard to not feel self sufficient for me. I know it is technically "our" money, but I am not going to feel comfortable buying myself non necessities when I am not contributing any money.

Could not agree with this more. I am not one to spend a lot of money, but when I was working, I didn't think twice about buying something if I wanted it or needed it. Since I've not been working, I find myself asking my husband, "Is it ok if I get x,y,z?" (with the exception of things like groceries), even though I know I don't have to ask and he has never told me "no". I had a fair amount of money in my checking account after I left my job, so I used that money for most things while I could, but it dwindled quickly because I paid bills with it for awhile. My husband got me a credit card tied to his account and told me to use that for things and for several months I have been paying our bills online through his bank account. I know it is technically "our" money as you say, but it's really hard for me to think of it that way when it comes to his salary. When we lived together before we got married and I was paying all the bills, I didn't think twice about it and never was resentful that he didn't contribute because I knew we had two incomes if we needed it. Since we have been down to one income, it's just been hard for me not to feel bad, especially with a baby on the way, which I know is going to be expensive. I know in the grand scheme of things, my husband supporting me for 6-12 months is not a huge deal (I'm thankful he has a very good job), but my big worry now is about being able to find work in a timely manner after the baby is born.

I hope that you will be able to be a SAHM for as long as you want to be. Part of me is looking forward to LO getting here just so I have something to keep me busy (I HATE it when people say "enjoy your time now because you'll be exhausted/too busy/stressed/etc. when he gets here"). Yup, I'm sure I will be all of those things from time to time, but I don't care because I will be so glad he's here.

Sascha3 · December 2011

PsyDr04:

I hope that you will be able to be a SAHM for as long as you want to be. Part of me is looking forward to LO getting here just so I have something to keep me busy (I HATE it when people say "enjoy your time now because you'll be exhausted/too busy/stressed/etc. when he gets here"). Yup, I'm sure I will be all of those things from time to time, but I don't care because I will be so glad he's here.

I hate that too! Sure I will be sleep deprived, but if I am not working I will have plenty of time to be productive AND sneak some sleep in here and there. If I went back full time I can easily see being completely overwhelmed. When I had my daughter I was single, broke, went to school full time and worked part time. I cannot imagine this not being significantly easier this time around!

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Oh yeah, and I am going back to work. On Christmas.

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