during a tantrum. ..

KathrynMD · December 2011

Is it worth it to make them leave or just ignore them where they are?

Backstory - DD had a breakdown this morning b/c there was no pink skirt to wear (horrible mother here!!) I was nice and tried to show her the pink stripes in the leggings, etc. but she was still really mad about the no pink skirt and proceeded to cry/scream about it and fake hit the air about it too.

I told her I was sorry she was mad, but she should go to her room until she was done being mad. Of course she didn't want to do that and screamed louder about that. I wanted to get dressed and she was in the middle of my room. I basically just ignored her while I got dressed and put make up on - and after ~5 minutes she was done, but it was super obnoxious. I see this tantrums happening more and more and I'm less able to talk her out of them like I have in the past - so I want to get a handle on it now.

UsedToBeGoldie · December 2011

3 is fun, huh?

I ignore tantrums - i stay VERY calm... and remind him (which ever him it is at the time) "when you are done crying and are ready for a hug, mommy is going to be over here".... but other than that I don't give more attention.

once they stop crying, come and hug- i say "mommy loves you. When you are angry about XYZ the better words to say are 'i'm sad I can't wear my favorite shirt. I guess I'll wear it once it's clean'"... and then have him repeat it.

Griffin has done really well with that and now when he starts to whine about something and i tell him "whining gets you nothing" he'll say "but what's the better words to say?" if he doesn't know how to explain his feelings... kids need help with that.... but don't give attention to tantrums

Mrs.Saxy · December 2011

Sometimes I ignore it, but when it goes on for a long time I tell DS to go in his room. If he still keeps it up we put him in timeout. He usually says, "I don't want to go in timeout" then we tell him that he can stop crying and get out.

3 is worse than 2 because they're 2 year olds with understanding and motive...and willpower.

Also, if available I'll give a choice. You can wear this with pink stripes or this with no pink at all. If you don't pick, then I will.

smitt2619 · December 2011

My youngest is proving to be my tantrum kid! If he is upset about something, he has full out crying fits that can last a LONG time, where he just isn't willing to do anything or except any comfort. Usually I offer comfort, but also give him some space. After it's been awhile, I will try distracting him. He eventually gets to a point where giving him a choice, like do you want to read a book in your room or my room, will help get him out of his funk. DS1, by comparison and in retrospect, had and still does have only minor tantrums, and now at 4.5yr is a lot easier to reason with or talk it out with, but sometimes he needs time too. In your example, I would have done exactly the same thing. You offered her alternatives and explained, said you understood she was upset, then left her to work it out in her mind, with her knowing you were there when she was ready for comfort. Good luck.

Temp6313048411121614 · December 2011

Ignoring DS1 worked great when he was in the tantrum stage. I remember our Parents As Teachers educator was over during one and she kind of gave me a look of "aren't you going to do anything about it" and I told her "he'll get over it soon" and they never lasted more than maybe 2 minutes with ignroing him.

KL777 · December 2011

I ignore it as well. DS throws a tantrum when he can't get things his way or if he's having trouble doing something.

When he throws a LONG tantrum he typically just wants attention. I'll ignore him and then he'll eventually calm down.

jlw2505 · December 2011

Partly it will depend on your child. At age 3, I tend to ignore them if we are at home and if we are out someplace, I pick up my child and move them into a private area or out to the car (depends where we are of course). At home, I try and stay calm and just ignore. Talking to a child during a tantrum is usless as they are not listening to you and with many kids, anything that you say might just set them off more (at least that is what happens with my kids). I can typically tell the type of tantrum my kids are having and I know if ignoring them will help or make it last longer. No clue how I know but I have learned over the years - they are now 3 1/2 (4 in March) and my 5 1/2 year old has ADHD which adds to the whole tantrum thing as she just doesn't have the skills to calm herself down sometimes and for lack of a better word - just loses it and doesn't know why. With my 3 year old, for the most part, ignoring her is best and then when I can see she is starting to calm down, a good tight hug until its over and then we talk about it. She wants the attention and is a drama queen. WIth my older DD - depending on the mood - a simple "remember to breath" or "count to 10" is all I need to do and we move on or other times, like last night, I helped her get to her room (she walked and I sort of guided her while not talking) and shut the door and just let her scream it out. Once I could tell she was calming down, I quietly told her I would open her door once she was calm. I could hear her counting to herself and taking deep breaths so I waited a min at most and opened the door and we moved on. WE always talk about it after and talk through other ways of dealing with whatever set her off.

during a tantrum. ..

Re: during a tantrum. ..

Choose Another Board

Search Boards