WWSAIFD - sil & gifts for my girls?

emmyloustu · December 2011

So, even though we do name draw for all the kds in dh's famiily, my sil informed me yesterday that she bought for Eliza too, even though she doesn't have Eliza in the name draw. She said its because it's Xmas & Eliza is little & at te age where the holidays are so much fun. Each of her three girls has something for Liza. She listed everything they bought or her & it's probably in the $40-$50 range. I only bought for the two kiddos I got in the draw (one of her daughters). I now feel obligated to buy for all 3 of her girls (ages 4,7,10), but then that's not fair to the other nieces & nephews who will only be getting one gift in the draw.

Dh says he refuses o buy extra just because she did because it's not fair to the other kids. I agree, but feel super awkward knowing they bought for Eliza & Lydia help!

MyShellyBelly · December 2011

I understand why you feel awkward because I would feel the same way. But, I do also agree with your DH. If you drew names and she decided to buy gifts for those she didn't pick, then that's her choice. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to now go buy gifts for her children. I also agree that it wouldn't be fair to the other LO's. Good luck -- that's a tough situation!

Mouseygail · December 2011

gah! I hate situations like that!! I don't have any advice...I'd be in the same quandry...I agree with your DH, and you really don't "owe" them anything...but its so awkward...then again, it would be awkward if the other nieces and nephews found out...so...I'd stay strong

(are your girls the youngest two? if so, I think I'd feel even better about just letting them give your girls reciprocated gifts)

gringa78 · December 2011

I know how you feel, but in this case I would not buy for her kids. It's so easy for Christmas to spiral out of control with this kind of stuff if you buy for everyone who buys for you. If she chooses to get your girls an extra gift, that is very generous of her, but Christmas is not about tit-for-tat. She is giving them something because she wants to, not because she expects something from you in return (or shouldn't).

Dr.Loretta · December 2011

Stick with your original plan and don't run yourself ragged getting extra gifts. Christmas is about way more than the # of gifts everyone gets.

For one, your SIL just decided to do this. My mom does it almost every year, "because I'm the mom". It's become a running joke, and we don't all run around trying to get her a gift just because we didn't pick her name in the Secret Santa.

For another, I doubt the kids will be counting gifts and noticing that they got one less, or that your daughter got one more.

Just enjoy your Christmas and thank your SIL profusely.

krissyh21 · December 2011

gringa78:
I know how you feel, but in this case I would not buy for her kids. It's so easy for Christmas to spiral out of control with this kind of stuff if you buy for everyone who buys for you. If she chooses to get your girls an extra gift, that is very generous of her, but Christmas is not about tit-for-tat. She is giving them something because she wants to, not because she expects something from you in return (or shouldn't).

This.

RoxBride · December 2011

We agree in our family to do one gift per extended family member. My sister and my 17 year old niece have 10 presents for C because they can't help themselves. I get it, she gets it, and we won't buy extra for them.

Dochas · December 2011

I don't think you have to buy them anything. We don't exchange gifts with the adults in my family, but we sometimes get something for some people. It doesn't cause any hard feelings. Babies are so much fun to buy for - I bet the kids themselves wanted to get her something and I think it's a great thing for them to think of her like that.

One of my nieces gave Daniel a book from her own "collection". My brother didn't want to let her give him a used book. My SIL told him he was nuts and that it was HUGE that a child would be so generous. I bet the kids really did want to get her something.

Dragonfly1226 · December 2011

If it was me, and I bought gifts for your LOs just because I couldn't help myself or b/c my daughters were so excited to give gifts to the babies then I would not expect you to buy my LOs anything. Especially if we had a name draw for all of the kids.