My husband doesn't want me to breastfeed because he doesn't want to see my boobs being used for feed

katiesmile · December 2011

I'm dead set on breastfeeding, unless I can't for medical reasons or something... I was talking to my husband last night, and he said that he doesn't want to see anyone else touching my boobs :S

Any rational ways I can speak to him about this?

(Sorry if that's a little overt and TMI)

chicsub · December 2011

Never had that issue, but could you take a class? Even though DH was very supportive of me BFing, I think the class was great since he realized that even though I was the one BFing, he had a huge role in supporting the process.

LMBecky11 · December 2011

Crash Into Me:
Kick him in the nuts.
Take a breast feeding class, take him with. Do your research. Tell him that boobs were made for feeding, not for sex.

I like this idea. lol

Honestly, that is a very selfish reason for him to not want you to breastfeed. Taking a class and making him go with you is a great idea. Knowing that breast milk is the best for the baby and how to go about doing it may help him understand. Otherwise, tell him too bad and that you are doing it anyway because you know you want to do what you feel is best for the baby.

jmcdionne · December 2011

Indifferent Seriously? He would rather deny the best nutrition possible to his child for his needs?Is the he not aware of the countless benefits of breastfeeding? Does he know how costly formula is and how much is stinks? If not, he needs to be made aware!!

Silly me for thinking your kids' needs come first.

Your husband deserves a swift kick in the butt.

My DH has not touched my breasts in months and he says he misses it- but he would never suggest not providing our child with the best nutrition so he can have his way with them. I breastfed my first for 16 months and he was 100% supportive.

pitterpatter129 · December 2011

After watching me give birth and the bloody mess that followed - with a csection too, mixed with getting up every two hours for the first few months, and the sobbing mess that I was, neither of us was interested in sex anyhow, and I wasn't offering. Boobs will be the last worry.

I'm not sure he has a choice in this matter. Tell him you are breastfeeding and that's the end of it. I agree with taking him to a class and maybe sharing all the positives that come from breastfeeding. Once he sees your beautiful baby, he'll probably be so in love he'll want to provide whatever that child needs too.

https://www.notmilk.com/101.html

Mrs.Handy · December 2011

I agree with nut-kicking suggestion.

It's your body, your choice. But I like the idea of taking a class. It will help him understand all the benefits of BF.

jmcdionne · December 2011

pitterpatter129:
After watching me give birth and the bloody mess that followed - with a csection too, mixed with getting up every two hours for the first few months, and the sobbing mess that I was, neither of us was interested in sex anyhow, and I wasn't offering. Boobs will be the last worry.

I'm not sure he has a choice in this matter. Tell him you are breastfeeding and that's the end of it. I agree with taking him to a class and maybe sharing all the positives that come from breastfeeding. Once he sees your beautiful baby, he'll probably be so in love he'll want to provide whatever that child needs too.

https://www.notmilk.com/101.html

SO very true. I'm still too tired for sex. And DH saw my placenta, for God's sake! Ew. Not to mention that for the first few days after delivery, there were times when our toddler was crying, our newborn was crying and I was crying- all at the same time. My poor husband. I'm sure he was getting delayed cold feet at that point! Embarrassed

Seriously, even if my husband was against it, he didn't really get a say. That being said, when I was ready to give up in the beginning, he was fully there for me and that prevented me from quitting early. It's important to have SO's support bc most women don't find it easy in the beginning.

whitney1170 · December 2011

Tell him he can get up with the baby every.single.night several times a night to wash bottles, mix up the formula, warm it up, feed the baby, repeat. All while the baby is not getting what s/he needs since you're not BF.

A baby is not purposfully taking your boobs away from your husband so that he can't use them for sex. You're not giving birth to a horny frat guy, it's a baby!

nic326 · December 2011

Lol, if my husband told me that I'd tell him to go fuuck himself.

ETA I like PP idea that if he wants you to quit BF hen he can prepare bottles, feed the baby and wash everything himself., maybe while you go have a spa day too.

KMEss86 · December 2011

I kind of think that this will become a non-issue once the baby is here. Its not like its some stranger touching your boobs... Its you and his child! And like others said, after the horror that is birth, that will be the last thing on his mind.

camdenfaithful · December 2011

MUD?

No way this can be real unless you're married to a 13 year old boy.

shellpep3 · December 2011

Let him know that bf your baby is the best possible thing you can do for him/her...your body was made to give birth and nourish your baby..

And really IMO the choice should be yours not his, its your body.

desando · December 2011

Remind him that formula is very, very expensive and smelly. Preparing a bottle is time consuming and then they need to be cleaned. If you bottle feed them he will have to share in the responsiblity... if you BF if is all on you (appeal to his desire to sleep more).

If he is concerned with your body also let him know that (usually) it will help you get your body back into shape.

But remember the bottom line is that it is your body and your decision. It is what is best for the baby and for you... don't let him make the decision for you or you may hold it against him. Breast feeding is a wonderful experience (once you get past the sore nipples and latching issues) and there is nothing better that seeing your baby's little satisfied face after you feed them... knowing that you and only you can provide that to them is very rewarding and you shouldn't pass up the opportunity.

katiesmile · December 2011

camdenfaithful:
MUD?
No way this can be real unless you're married to a 13 year old boy.

What is MUD?

It's definitely real. What would I get out of making this up?

JoAnna914 · December 2011

chicsub:
Never had that issue, but could you take a class? Even though DH was very supportive of me BFing, I think the class was great since he realized that even though I was the one BFing, he had a huge role in supporting the process.

This. My husband was supportive to begin with (i.e., "do it if it makes you happy"), but the class made him realize just how beneficial it is for DS and how much I will actually need his help in the process.

AprilAngie · December 2011

Maybe eductaing him on how importnnat breast milk is for babies, and how it forms a bond with mother and baby. the skin toskin contact etctera. how it is the baby's best nutrients. How it/s cheaper.

I think an educational class or book would help him. Take him to a class, great xmas gift and have him learn all that is important. at the end of the day, its your body you make the choice.

Maybe he has fears of not being able to help, feeling left out or not beeing able to feed his baby.

P.s. like PP say breast are made for feeding not for sex.

boogerbearoriginal · December 2011

Ditto PP and take a BFing class. And show him how much a can of formula costs and remind him they go through 1-2 cans a week.

I work so M-F LO gets bottles of breastmilk, and washing the bottles, etc. is a pain. I can't imagine dealing with that full time.

To me, BFing is the more convenient and easier option. Add to that the numerous health benefits. Simply put, breastfeeding is the normal and expected way a baby should be fed.

And personally, I would find it more than a little offense that my H views my breasts as his playthings. My body, or any part of it, is NOT here for his pleasure.

itsmarcie22 · December 2011

Crash Into Me:
Kick him in the nuts.
Take a breast feeding class, take him with. Do your research. Tell him that boobs were made for feeding, not for sex.

This. Exactly.

JKTTC1 · December 2011

pitterpatter129:
After watching me give birth and the bloody mess that followed - with a csection too, mixed with getting up every two hours for the first few months, and the sobbing mess that I was, neither of us was interested in sex anyhow, and I wasn't offering. Boobs will be the last worry.

This. If your DH is not supportive, your gonna find it hard to continue BF when LO arrives without the support so you better educate him and get him on board. My DH is a nurse so fortunately, he was the one pushing me to BF even though I knew I wanted to give it a try. The first few weeks are rough and without DH' support and encouragement, I wouldn't have made it!

camdenfaithful · December 2011

katiesmile:
camdenfaithful:
MUD?
No way this can be real unless you're married to a 13 year old boy.

What is MUD?
It's definitely real. What would I get out of making this up?

MUD = made up drama

You'd be surprised at the amount of crap people make up and post on boards just for sh!ts and giggles.

While I guess it is possible, it just seems so far out there that any grown man would feel this way.

sokmonkee3517 · December 2011

Ever see the movie "The Waitress?" Sounds like the husband - "You're not going to love that baby more than me now are you?" Sorry, but that sounds like a red flag.

cottonlily84 · December 2011

There's plenty of boob to go around! I thought once I had a baby I'd never see them for anything but food but gradually they have become multitaskers LOL There's no reason why your husband can't touch them just because the baby eats from them. That's something he's going to have to get over. And by the time you have that baby there's going to be so many parts touched by so many strangers that your baby touching your boobs will be the last thing hubby thinks of...

pitterpatter129 · December 2011

sokmonkee3517:
Ever see the movie "The Waitress?" Sounds like the husband - "You're not going to love that baby more than me now are you?" Sorry, but that sounds like a red flag.

I thought this too, but didn't say anything in my reply. If you are in some sort of abusive relationship, I would exit it now before you bring a child into it too. Although our bodies are used for the enjoyment of our spouses sometimes, and theirs for ours, your body does not belong to your husband. Your breasts are not his and he should support you in whatever decision you make. I sincerely hope that what he said was in jest and he isn't really anti-breastfeeding because your breasts are his playthings.

jmcdionne · December 2011

pitterpatter129:
sokmonkee3517:
Ever see the movie "The Waitress?" Sounds like the husband - "You're not going to love that baby more than me now are you?" Sorry, but that sounds like a red flag.

I thought this too, but didn't say anything in my reply. If you are in some sort of abusive relationship, I would exit it now before you bring a child into it too. Although our bodies are used for the enjoyment of our spouses sometimes, and theirs for ours, your body does not belong to your husband. Your breasts are not his and he should support you in whatever decision you make. I sincerely hope that what he said was in jest and he isn't really anti-breastfeeding because your breasts are his playthings.

Well said. Your body does not = sex toy. Us females actually have breasts for other reason than his enjoyment.

Does he show may telltale like telling you what to wear, who to speak to, ect?

katiesmile · December 2011

jmcdionne:
pitterpatter129:
sokmonkee3517:
Ever see the movie "The Waitress?" Sounds like the husband - "You're not going to love that baby more than me now are you?" Sorry, but that sounds like a red flag.

I thought this too, but didn't say anything in my reply. If you are in some sort of abusive relationship, I would exit it now before you bring a child into it too. Although our bodies are used for the enjoyment of our spouses sometimes, and theirs for ours, your body does not belong to your husband. Your breasts are not his and he should support you in whatever decision you make. I sincerely hope that what he said was in jest and he isn't really anti-breastfeeding because your breasts are his playthings.

He's a lovely man, it's in no way an abusive relationship. He just feels uncomfortable seeing my boobs out like that.
Well said. Your body does not = sex toy. Us females actually have breasts for other reason than his enjoyment.
Does he show may telltale like telling you what to wear, who to speak to, ect?

katiesmile · December 2011

jmcdionne:
pitterpatter129:
sokmonkee3517:
Ever see the movie "The Waitress?" Sounds like the husband - "You're not going to love that baby more than me now are you?" Sorry, but that sounds like a red flag.

I thought this too, but didn't say anything in my reply. If you are in some sort of abusive relationship, I would exit it now before you bring a child into it too. Although our bodies are used for the enjoyment of our spouses sometimes, and theirs for ours, your body does not belong to your husband. Your breasts are not his and he should support you in whatever decision you make. I sincerely hope that what he said was in jest and he isn't really anti-breastfeeding because your breasts are his playthings.
Well said. Your body does not = sex toy. Us females actually have breasts for other reason than his enjoyment.
Does he show may telltale like telling you what to wear, who to speak to, ect?

Nope. Obviously he says something if what I wear is too revealing, but I don't wear things like that anyway LOL. I speak to whoever I like.

theunplannedparent · December 2011

I think plenty of grown men feel this way but they don't want to be "kicked in the balls" or whatever, so they don't say anything. Or their wives don't want to feel judged by admitting that it's hard to switch modes from "sex" to "food". I think it's a normal reaction, given the way we are raised in American culture to look at breasts.

It may not be "right", but I think it's normal. I honestly feel this way about my breasts too!

WeWearCombatBoots · December 2011

I would personally tell him that he can just get over it! That its MY body and if he doesn't agree with it, he can just not have anything to do with my breast!

This is just so crazy to me because my husband has been my biggest supporter. He needs to grow up and be a FATHER and learn to put his child's wants and needs before his own!

kitkat145 · December 2011

I saw this article and thought about this thread.

https://theleakyboob.com/2011/12/boobs-function-and-pleasure

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