Toddler with new sleeping issues

MrsSDgirl · December 2011

I've been a lurker on The Bump for quite a while, but this is my first post. Please be kind. I have a toddler who will be 3 in March, and an almost 11 month old baby. (Both boys). So here is the back story. When the toddler was a baby, we co slept until he was 1 year (pack 'n' play next to the bed, no bed sharing). Once he turned 1 he transitioned easily into his crib in his own room. He went to sleep easily, and slept through the night. So, along comes the new baby (they are 22 months apart). The baby has bedshared with us since birth. Not really planned, but more out of a desperate need to get sleep. The toddler had some jealousy of the baby in the beginning (he now LOVES him), but continued to be a great sleeper. Recently, however, he began to refuse to sleep in his crib! OK, he's almost 3, let's put him in a big boy bed. Done! Now, he refuses to go to sleep unless one of us (he prefers his dad) lays down with him until he is asleep. So, now I sleep in our bed with the baby and my husband sleeps with the toddler. My husband refuses to do any kind of sleep training as he doesn't want to loose any sleep himself. I used to babysit a 8 year old girl who I had to lay down with in order to get her to go to sleep. I vowed never to be THAT parent, yet here I am. I know the first step is to get the baby out of our bed, but any advice beyond that on how to fix my toddler's sleeping situation??

Webbie3 · December 2011

That sounds so tough. Could you try a version of the Sleep Lady Shuffle? Since your husband doesn't want to sleep train, maybe he would agree to that. One night, tell your son that you won't lay in bed with him, but you'll sit in a chair next to his bed until he falls asleep. Do that for a couple days, and then start gradually moving the chair further and further away, until you're outside of the room. It would be a gentle method because you'd still be there to comfort him if he got upset, but he would still learn to sleep on his own.

That's the first thing that came to my mind. I hope you get things worked out!

MrsSDgirl · December 2011

Thanks for the response! I haven't heard of the "Sleep lady shuffle", but it sounds like a good idea. The only problem is that I'll have to wait until I can put the baby down. I usually nurse him to sleep on the couch (that's a whole other issue) and he'll get quite upset if I get up. I suppose I could sit on the floor of his room and nurse the baby, then move toward the door?

I don't know why he, all of a sudden, stopped sleeping well. I think he is scared of something, or has nightmares, as sometimes he wakes up all of a sudden crying. I feel bad for him, and frustrated, at the same time.

MrsBro6116 · December 2011

Webbie3:
That sounds so tough. Could you try a version of the Sleep Lady Shuffle? Since your husband doesn't want to sleep train, maybe he would agree to that. One night, tell your son that you won't lay in bed with him, but you'll sit in a chair next to his bed until he falls asleep. Do that for a couple days, and then start gradually moving the chair further and further away, until you're outside of the room. It would be a gentle method because you'd still be there to comfort him if he got upset, but he would still learn to sleep on his own.
That's the first thing that came to my mind. I hope you get things worked out!

We did a version of this for my oldest recently. It worked really well. Now when he gets in a mood we sit in his chair for a few moments, walk over to his bed, give him a kiss and leave his room. It took a little time but it worked!

Good luck!

Webbie3 · December 2011

MrsSDgirl:
Thanks for the response! I haven't heard of the "Sleep lady shuffle", but it sounds like a good idea. The only problem is that I'll have to wait until I can put the baby down. I usually nurse him to sleep on the couch (that's a whole other issue) and he'll get quite upset if I get up. I suppose I could sit on the floor of his room and nurse the baby, then move toward the door?
I don't know why he, all of a sudden, stopped sleeping well. I think he is scared of something, or has nightmares, as sometimes he wakes up all of a sudden crying. I feel bad for him, and frustrated, at the same time.

Your boys are adorable!

Yeah, handling 2 could be tricky. Since your husband is the one that usually sleeps with your older son, could he help you out with getting him to sleep?

A lot of the time, I think bad sleeping just comes in phases, with no reason behind it. I hope he snaps out of it quick!

MrsSDgirl · December 2011

Thank you, MrsBro. It's encouraging to know that these things work!

MrsSDgirl · December 2011

Thanks, Webbie! I'd love for my DH to work on getting our toddler to sleep on his own. But, right now he (my DH) is not willing to give up his own sleep in order to help the toddler sleep on his own. Very frustrating.

MrsSDgirl · December 2011

Thanks for the responses, ladies! I've been an observer for a long time, but I hope to finally join in some conversation. Thanks for making me feel welcome on this board!

Logansmommie · December 2011

What time does your toddler go to bed? What time does your DH? If your DH is the one who sleeps with him he should really be in on the sleep training. Maybe try putting the toddler to bed 2 hours before you guys go to bed so that way you have time to get him to sleep on his own before you have to sleep. Then your DH shouldn't lose any of his own sleep.

MrsSDgirl · December 2011

Thanks for the response, Logansmommie. The toddler goes to bed at 8pm. If my DH had his choice, he'd most likely go to bed ~10pm. He used to play video games on his computer before we both went to bed. But, now he just goes to bed with the toddler at 8pm, which is fine since we both get up at 5am to get ready for work. I would love, however, to have some down time with my DH before bed. He, I think, seems to think that his own sleep is more important than that. I guess that's a whole other issue. Sigh...