Advice please? How to handle work return

foxxy1 · December 2011

My doctor reluctantly cleared me to go back to work next week. I say reluctantly because he wanted me to stay home another two weeks but I persuaded him that going back to a semi-normal routine would be best for me at this time.

Everyone at work knows the situation and I'm lucky it's the holiday season so not too many people are in the office now. But come January 3rd, everyone will return. What is your advice on how to handle the awkwardness that will come?

Petunia844 · December 2011

I wish I had good advice, going back to work is hard. My best advice is to talk to someone at work if you have a friend you trust there before you go back. I had dinner with two of my friends at work before I came back so that there was somebody there who knew how I felt. That was important to me. I also started to cry when I came back and one of them went outside with me for a while before I was ready to back in. Honestly though, being here is still awkward to me, I just don't really feel like I belong anymore. I should be working from home with my baby.

weddedwife · December 2011

I took 6 weeks off when we lost Nathaniel, although my Dr. would've cleared me to go back after 4. Honestly, I don't think I anticipated the emotional wreck I would still be after several weeks.

I've only been back for a week now; it was totally awkward and still is. People have been really nice but hardly anyone said anything about our loss which stung a bit, but at least I didn't have to cry in front of people. Now that I've been back a few days I get the sense that people are avoiding me somewhat and it's both a blessing and a curse. I think I'm realizing that the bottom line is if they say nothing or avoid you, it's awkward. If they talk about your loss, you cry & it's awkward. I don't have any tips on how to alleviate this, but just preparing yourself for it may help. Like the PP, I just feel like I don't belong anymore.

Heatherhah · December 2011

I have only been back to work for 3 weeks almost 4 and what I have learned fromt his whole situation is that men do not talk to me now even if they did int he past they don't now. Plus the woman who spoke to me before still do but casual talkers don't talk to me now at all. I think they are worried I will cry which I will do they just don't know how to approach me and I don't always seem approachable, but understand that they just might not know what to say to you. I was due right after i went out on leave my loss was at 38 wks and some people didn't know she was still born so it is tough. My suggestion is tryt o keep as busy as you can the distraction helps it is down time that I sit here and cry all day. Good luck !!

Heather

weddedwife · December 2011

You know, I do have one piece of advice. If there's something you want or need at work, ask for it now. If it's something reasonable no one is going to refuse you. My supervisor asked if there was anything he could do, and I said "Yes there is. I want to work a half day on Wednesday nights so I can attend a support group." He agreed to it. So, I'm working 36 hours for now instead of 40.

nidawi6 · December 2011

I work in IT with mostly introverts thankfully. I had my boss and a coworker I'm close to spread the word and just tell people to treat me as normal. I should have taken off more time but I didn't think I could handle being alone and having nothing at home to do. There were a couple people that didn't find out and I had to have some awkward conversations, after which I would hide in the bathroom until I got myself back under control, but for the most part, coming back to work wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I understand your anxiety though, working full-time, you are around your coworkers more than even your own family.

mdluv21 · December 2011

I went back to work 8 days later and it was the best thing I did. HR had already informed my team what had happened and most people gave me space or would just stop by to tell me how sorry they were but wouldn't ask me questions or pester me.

I hope you have the same experience. I think having work to oocupy my brain so quickly after helped me from slipping into bad depression.

roxyttandme · December 2011

I think getting back into the general society is tough and going back to work is even tougher. I really don't think there is an easy way to go about it. People either shy away or hover to make sure you are okay. I found that I was comforting others as much as I was attempting to comfort myself. It is just plan tough.

If you don't want to talk about it- then don't. Tell people you aren't ready to talk about it - and that typically shuts that door. Bring tissue, expect to not be very productive and look forward to going home to your SO/DH for the love and understanding that you need. Also, know that we are here in the day too and we all understand what you are going through.

(((hugs)))

sandykins · December 2011

The first day was hard. Ask now if you could start with a half day. My boss (a mom with two little kids so she kind of gets it) told me when I got there to leave when I needed to and to take it easy the first couple of weeks - come in late / leave early. I made sure to not let anything fall behind but did leave early like everyday for a month. I also spread the word that I did not want to talk about it - I wanted to keep professional. I'm a lawyer and it my field you sort of have to remain kind of cold unfortunately. I did a whole lot of bathroom crying (actually - I still do). I kept tp myself the first few days and didn't really come out of my office. I sort of eased into doing things around the office, socializing, returning calls and checking old emails. IT GETS EASIER - I promise. Just take it easy. Fo a little at a time. Try not to get behind so that people can cut you slack in other respects.

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