To tell on Christmas or not to tell...

katlynpflederer · December 2011

So i just found out that i'm pregnant I just got married on November 5th, and everybody knows we weren't planning on using birth control when we got married so they all knew it was only a matter of time. Who would of thought that less than two months after our wedding we would be expecting!!

So at first i thought, no question... we'll tell everyone on Christmas which is what i still would like to do but after reading a lot of posts on here it looks like most people wait until their 12 week mark. I understand that most miscarriages happen within the first trimester, but is a chance of something terrible like that happening enough of an excuse to not tell our families?

Has anybody else out there told their families right away? Advice, please!

delphinus12 · December 2011

It depends. We are telling on Christmas. But I know our families would give us space and be supportive if anything were to happen.Others may not feel the same way.

CStock2 · December 2011

We were planning to tell my family on Christmas, but my mom just called to let me know that she invited some random acquaintances over who don't have anyone to spend the holidays with. What a lovely gesture - and so totally a thoughtful thing my mom would do, which I would ordinarily not mind. But THIS Christmas, come on! Now I have no idea. I'd bought each of my parents the cutest onesie too...maybe the guests will leave early?

andyandrachel · December 2011

We told right away with our first and will be telling on Christmas with this pregnancy. I can't keep secrets from my family and we are both too excited to wait. I would want/need their emotional support no matter what outcome, so I'm telling them.

ebt1978 · December 2011

we are not telling at christmas. i had a previous miscarriage, and for me, im being a bit guarded until i hopefully see the heartbeat at my appt. next week and really until 12 weeks. so when i tell, i want to have allowed myself to be really excited so everyone else can be really excited. if i told now, i think it would take away from the excitement bc i would say we are pregnant but its still early. everyone would be excited but then say 'it is still early, etc.' they would be guarded just bc we are. i also didn't find much comfort with family last time. we did tell so we had to untell and i just didn't want to talk to anyone. if i did talk to someone about it, there was nothing they could say to make it better for me. it just took time. soooo.....we are not telling until 12 weeks.

Mylovey08 · December 2011

We found out Dec.4 and confirmed it with a blood test the day after. We have already told our best friends, parents and in-laws, along with siblings and an aunt and two cousins that I am close too. I plan on telling those that will be at my parents house on christmas which is two other aunt/uncles. They would not only give me space but be supportive in the case of a miscarriage. They know my DH and I have been TTC for a year and I want to share the joy with them.

Also, I already had to tell my work because I work with things dangerous when pregnant, and felt if my work knows my family should as well.

trying4babyhunter · December 2011

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61521145.aspx
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61448229.aspx
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61426626.aspx
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61387780.aspx

Here's just a few of the recent threads that address the same thing.

Congrats on your BFP.

willowprincess · December 2011

We told our parents and siblings immediately. We will be telling the rest of our family on Christmas/Eve and will wait to tell friends until after NY.

morgs8384 · December 2011

Last time around we really didn't have a lot of "surprise/shock" factor since at least my family all knew about our IF struggles. This time around no one is really expecting us to be pregnant (shoot we weren't even expecting it). SOOOOO as long as our little baby bean is growing and looks good at tomorrow mornings U/S we plan on telling both our close families on Christmas. We aren't celebrating Christmas with my family til Tuesday, so a little longer wait there.

whitemocha7 · December 2011

We're definitely telling on Christmas. I had an 8wk m/c in October while waiting until the 12wk milestone, so none of my family knew I was pregnant until we had lost the baby. It was the day after we saw the heartbeat, so nothing is guaranteed.

This time around, we are thankful for every day we have, so we're telling everyone at 7 1/2 weeks. I know I'll get support no matter what happens, but I have a really good feeling about this!

lovebug33 · December 2011

Because we did IVF, we are being a lot more careful. Mom and Dad know, because they were part of the transfer, bed rest period. We are waiting to hear a heart beat to tell DH's family and my bro and SIL, who I think know because I stopped exercising class and I stupidly told them that.

aadewitt · December 2011

Congrats on both getting married and being pg!

its all about what you want to do. Personally I had a loss this past Aug...it was my 1st pg and we had been trying for almost a yr. (so consider yourself lucky! )

DH wanted to wait until at least after 12 weeks to tell- but I was so so excited and knew my parents would be so excited (they would be 1st time grandparents) that we at least waited until my 1st appt which I had at about 9 weeks. They didn't do an u/s or anything really- but we told them...then sadly 1 week after telling our families (which include my parents, and 1 brother, and DH's parents, 4 other siblings, their spouses and all their kids) we had to call and tell them I lost the baby. I had DH call everyone- I did NOT want to talk to anyone at all. My parents came down that weekend to be with me...and honestly it was one of the hardest things for me to see them- they were so excited to be grandparents, My dad had been wanting a grand kid since the day we got married!

This time- I am def not saying anything (except told bff) until at least after my 10 week appt with an u/s. I have said this before on here with questions like yours, and Ill say it again for me personally when I do tell my parents that I am pg again I want to know for sure that everything is OK- I know that something bad can happen at any time- but at least after an u/s id have proof that they baby made it that far (last time baby stopped growing at 6 weeks).

But its all your choice- it was nice to have my family understand why I didn't want to talk or anything..and DH's sister's had gone through m/c themselves so they could talk to me about their experiences. what ever you deiced hope it goes well!

Loveofjoe11 · December 2011

I had a miscarriage this summer. Before we learned our baby wasn't growing, we told our parents and our closest friends. I was so glad I did because I needed them during the difficult time. I think DH regrets telling his friends because it was painful for him to tell them we had a miscarriage.

For this pregnancy, both of our moms know and my observant coworkers have picked up on it. I feel the desire to tell my close friends because I will need them if we have another miscarriage, but like a pp said, I'm slightly hesitant so they're not worried too.

beesooki · December 2011

I think it depends on you and if you want those family members to tell others, or if they can keep a secret (all it takes is one slip to the wrong person...and grandparents get a little excited sometimes haha). If something were to happen, that's a lot of people you may have to explain what happened to...and when someone has a miscarriage it's not the easiest thing to do. Hopefully none of us have to go through that though.

I am telling our parents (told my mom today) on Christmas, but I know they won't say anything...and I would want their support should anything happen. I will emphasize that it's still really early, and that I probably shouldn't even be telling them lol. I also conceived on Clomid and have PCOS, so for me I'm more at risk at having a loss, and I will make that clear.

rainedrops117 · December 2011

I was struggling with the same thing after reading many posts on here. But after much thoughtful consideration we are telling my family (parents/siblings) on Christmas. My DH and I are very close with our family so either way we would welcome their support. We'll tell friends and co-workers when I begin to show..

We waited for over 3 years before deciding to have children and were thrilled when we learned success after our first month! We are very excited and wish to celebrate with our families every moment of our pregnancy.

All my best for all the Mommies.. to a HH 9 months!!!

xokell2 · December 2011

Go with your gut feeling. Don't live in fear!!

I had a second trimester miscarriage and un telling every one wasn't that tragic. Something could go wrong anytime. What I wouldn't do to go back to pre miscarriage na?vet? (and I mean that is a good way) ! Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy!!

denag · December 2011

I have told people I was pregnant and ended up having an ectopic pregnancy. I was so glad I had told people because when I had to tell them about the ectopic I heard so many stories of people going through the same thing and it made me feel much less alone and more hopeful that I would get pregnant. I ended up pregnant again and I have a 15 month old now and am pregnant now with my 2nd. I feel if the people you told you are pregnant are the same people who would support you if something happens its worth telling. It really depends on if you are a private person or not.

Salem1013 · December 2011

If it wasn't for the fact that I got a BFP so close to christmas we would have told our families righ away but we decided it would be much more fun to tell everone on Christmas. It has been sooo hard keeping the secret from my family! I'm so excited to tell H's family tomorrow and Mine on Sunday! Big Smile

AGove22 · December 2011

First of all- Congrats! Wink

I think we all have a unique opportunity to share such positive news with the whole family gathered together. It's a time of celebration and togetherness! That's why I really wanted to tell our families. My DH and I were having a similar debate- he just wanted to tell our parents and I wanted to tell our families after we told our parents since our families are small and close-knit. We finally both agreed that telling our families on Christmas is fine because we would want their support if something were to happen anyways.

So- my advice is if you are okay with everyone knowing if something were to go wrong then absolutely tell them. Share the joy! Smile

AGove22 · December 2011

xokell2:
Go with your gut feeling. Don't live in fear!!
I had a second trimester miscarriage and un telling every one wasn't that tragic. Something could go wrong anytime. What I wouldn't do to go back to pre miscarriage na?vet? (and I mean that is a good way) ! Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy!!

I just have to say that I truly appreciate your positive attitude. "Don't live in fear" and "enjoy every moment"- you are so right! I love it!

Thank you! :-)

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