strange daycare pick-up reaction

JJ1973 · December 2011

I guess I'm hoping for some reassurance...

My LO is 16 months (going on 17 soon). Since he's started in the toddler room (15 months), daycare pick up has been a little different. He's always been pretty easy going about drop-off. It has been rare that he has a hard time, and usually when he has, it has been because he is sick or tired. Daycare pickup, as of late, has been strange. Prior to being in the toddler room, he ran to me and hugged me - he was always very happy to see me. Now, he hardly even acknowledges my presence. In the past two weeks, he sees me, then crawls under the tables or runs around the room. When I try to get him to put on his coat, he avoids me and runs away. I've really tried to time things well so that I'm not pulling him away from something he really enjoys. When I do arrive while he's doing something he loves, I join him in that activity for a period of time prior to initiating our departure. But, he still has a tough time with it. It is like he is in "his world" at daycare and I'm intruding on that when I pick him up.

In general, lately, I just don't feel as connected with him as I used to be, and I'm sitting around all anxious that we're developing some sort of attachment problem and feeling tons of guilt over working. I'm so hoping this is just a developmental phase and that I'm overreacting. It just feels awful. He's got a great daycare situation - we really couldn't ask for a better center with more caring people. This has just been so strange (this past 1-2 months). Help.

jenny1980 · December 2011

DD (almost 2) will often yell "NO MAMA!!!" when she sees me. We have a very close, connected relationship. It's just a normal developmental thing for some kids and indicative that they're thriving at "school."

I know it stings, but it's honestly a good thing. It means he feels very secure both at home and at daycare.

You're doing great!

the_jackpot · December 2011

No worries....so normal! It means that your lo feels loved and safe in daycare. My son rarely wants to leave when I pick him up. He doesn't give his dad the same hard time but he rarely picks him up. Don't allow that to make you feel disconnected, there is no one better than Momma

WinesNotWhines · December 2011

My son is 16 months old, and starting about 2 weeks ago, he has NOT want to come home with me! He's still happy to see me when I arrive to pick him up, but he wants to stay and play. He gets upset if I get his coat or shoes, or start packing his bag. Yesterday evening we spent 10 minutes at pickup time playing with a ball, and then when I asked if he was ready to leave, he threw himself on the floor and said "No!" LOL. I'm trying not to take it personally. I know he's very attached to me, so I'm trying to take it as a good sign that he loves being at school and has fun there.

Different things work for me on different days. Yesterday he finally let me put on his coat when I told him our dog was waiting for him at home. Have you tried talking about something fun/good he gets to do after he leaves school? Like "It's time to go home, so you can get a snack and see the dog."

JJ1973 · December 2011

Thanks, guys. I figured this was probably normal, but then in those dark moments, I start worrying like crazy that I'm somehow failing as a parent:( Thanks for the tips - I've tried talking about fun things we get to do when we get home, and that helps some of the time. Usually, once we're out the door it is okay, but he's also grumpy in the evenings after a long day.

Cooper81 · December 2011

DS will be 2 tomorrow and just started the transition to the 2's room from the toddler room, and it's gotten even harder to get him to leave the new room with all the new toys and activities. I think he was around the same age when he started acting similarly, it stings a bit, but I also take comfort in the fact that he WANTS to be at DC, which means he is being well taken care of and having fun. I will remind him that the doggies are waiting to go potty (he "helps" by standing at the back door calling their names to come in) and we have to go home to and wait for daddy to come home, and most of the time he is ok with going home. I think it's part of their independence coming through as well.

jenn_darrin1515 · December 2011

totally normal...my girls do that some days too...I think it started around that age...if they are outside when I get there for pickup I always have to chase them down and scoop them up...It is sad I don't get the excited run to mommy with higs and kisses....but it reassures me that they are in a great environment while I am at work that they love!

this week however has been torture for pickups...I arrive and they cry, throw themselves on the floor, scream no!no!no! and run away from me when I try and put their shoes on...fricken awful.

Angela814 · December 2011

That's totally normal. Even my 5 yo tells me to pick her up as early as I can and then sighs and acts all put out that I'm interrupting her activity when I pick her up. DD2 keeps running around and playing most of the time. When she runs to me, it's because she knows she gets her pacifier and blankie for the car ride home.

LuaBear · December 2011

Totally normal! Around that age my daughter would pretend she didn't see me. Same with every other kid in the class when their mom's picked them up. She was having a great time with her friends and wanted to stay and keep playing! It would often take us 30 minutes to get her to leave! I take that as a really good sign. Now she's 18 months and runs up to hug us, but then still tries to run off and keep playing. It's just a natural step in their process of independence. Take it as a blessing that you don't have to worry that your child is happy all day!

emberlee3 · December 2011

My DS was just like that at that age. He wasn't talking yet, so I interpreted it as him wanting to show me the toys he liked best in his classroom. It was a passing phase. Don't worry about it--just be happy that he's happy.

Mrs.JLC · December 2011

Don't feel bad. My DD who is now 3 1/2 yrs old went through this phase. I believe she was 17 or 18 months the one night I had to carry her to the car kicking and screaming "No Mama, not yet, I play, I play." I had already been there for 20 minutes and there was only one other kid there by the time we left. She eventually got over it but she still LOVES 'school.' In fact she was out sick recently and the poor thing just kept saying "I want to go to school but I don't feel good."

jesspacatc · December 2011

i get that all the time. my daughter is 2 y 3m, I came to pick her up 30 minutes early one day this week, she pointed at me through the window and started crying. i agree with PP, just go with your child loving DC and it is a phase.

Tikat · December 2011

While this may be hard to hear - you have found a place that he is happy at while you work...does it suck when they don't want to go home - YES - but he obviously loves it there -so even if you were to completely switch things up and stay home you'd leave him miserable...see how this is a no win situation?

Just be glad you found a place he loves so much! Many of us are struggling to find this kind of childcare!

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