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I lurk here and know i should get the courage to join you but...

MJN9510MJN9510 member
in Single Parents
I just havent gotten the strength to end things with DH.  I just want you all to know that reading your posts is helping me.  I hope you all dont think I am offending you for posting here when i am not yet a single mom.  Things are difficult with DH and have gotten worse since DD was born.  DH is very good at manipulating.  When I know I have a very good reason for being upset at him, he always turns it around to the point where I feel like I am apologizing.  He is very good with DD when he is with her, but he always makes me feel bad if I want to go to the grocery store by myself or if I try to clean while DD is awake.  He says I should wait till she is napping or down for the night.  Yet, he is so quick to tell me when something needs cleaned. So when do I get my down time?  I am just so beat down and frustrated and even mad at myself that I still cant seem to put an end to it all and tell him its over.
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Re: I lurk here and know i should get the courage to join you but...

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  • expectingnothingexpectingnothing
    Sorry :( Mine was similarly good at manipulating things to be my fault.  Ultimately my marriage ended because he cheated and I have to say I was devastated at the time (summer 2010).  The hardest part is the part you are about to face... deciding who moves out and the actual separation of it all.  But I can tell you that while it's no picnic, once you are in your own place and don't have a dark cloud hanging over you, it will get better.  You will have hard times, you'll have nights you spend crying, but overall I would not change where I am now for the world.  It was worth what I went through to get to this point.
    DD1 01.19.07
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  • LadyLissameLadyLissame member

    I know what it is like. My STBX did the same thing. He would tell me to nap when DS naps, but then get upset that the house wasn't clean. Everything was my fault. If I got mad at him it was because he was a bad husband or a bad person and he should just leave. He would get me to apologize to him over and over, even though he was the one who did something wrong.

    I was lurking on here for months before I finally got the courage to tell him its your family or its her. And I knew he would choose her. I hope you find the strength and courage soon. For me, I had to look at what kind of example I was setting for DS. He is where I get my strength from.

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  • achase123achase123

    If you want to read my blog, PM me for the address.  XH is/was extremely manipulative and I talk a lot about ways to dea. 

    Also, a great read is "Who's Pulling YOUR Strings; Breaking the Cycle of Manipulation". 

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  • MJN9510MJN9510 member
    Thank you everyone.  And thanks Achase...I already follow your blog.  I pm'd you already and got the new address.  And I do find your blog a great help.  I see a lot of similarities in my dh with manipulation and drinking.  My DH is an alcoholic.
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  • Jennis22Jennis22 member

    Sometimes the hardest part is finding the courage to leave. In know that was the hardest part for me. But you'll know when the time is right. Something will happen, or something will click inside of you and you'll know exactly what you have to do. 

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