Could someone proof our "coming out" letter?

MsGMChick · December 2011

Lately it's gotten harder and harder on MH to be around his nieces and family- mostly because they don't all know of our struggles (or do and just don't care *cough*MIL*cough*), so he expressed that he wanted to tell them all before Christmas so maybe we could avoid another Thanksgiving episode (it involves us being alone in the dining room while he shed some tears and my MIL screamed BABY BABY BABY to our 6 mo old niece).

Anyway, I just typing this out quickly.. Is it ok? Too mean? Too subtle? I plan to attach the Infertility Etiquette from Resolve.. Thanks, girls

Merry Christmas. It?s that time of year again when we all join together and celebrate what we have. This year though, we have some bad news. We?ve been trying very hard to be able to expand our family for almost two years. The last two years have gone by while we?ve excitedly watched as our extended family grew! Words can?t describe how much we love all our nieces and watching them grow up, but it can be a little hard on us as we struggle with infertility. Our diagnosis came from the doctors we?ve been working with- all 3 of them, to try to make this work. But so far, we?re not having any luck. In that time we?ve lost two tiny babies, one you knew about, the other was early so we didn?t bring it up but that doesn?t make it any easier emotionally for us. Our goal in this email is to raise awareness. We?ve included a link to a great site that deals with ?what to say? because we realize you all may not have any experience in this area and won?t have any idea what does and doesn't secretly hurt us. 1 in 8 couples in America struggle with infertility and we are one of them, but that?s a lot of people, so probably someone else you know is struggling in silence this year. We would like to be open with you all so if you have any questions, feel free to ask! Just remember that if we seem sad or maybe not as joyous this year, it?s for this reason.

Cmartin6706 · December 2011

This letter sounds great. Nicely written!

CEBrock · December 2011

I like it! Especially, because you make them aware that its not just you and that it is fairly common. I think that by giving them the stat of 1 in 8 couples experience fertility issues, that makes it less about you (and less whiny, maybe?) which will hopefully help them be more aware of their questions, etc. Good job!

Blueyed228 · December 2011

I like it, however im a little iffy about including a link for "what to say". I would feel weird if I got a letter that included how I as an adult should talk to someone.

That being said, I know why you want to include it, I just feel weird about it.

kz's_girlygirl · December 2011

MsGMChick:
Lately it's gotten harder and harder on MH to be around his nieces and family- mostly because they don't all know of our struggles (or do and just don't care *cough*MIL*cough*), so he expressed that he wanted to tell them all before Christmas so maybe we could avoid another Thanksgiving episode (it involves us being alone in the dining room while he shed some tears and my MIL screamed BABY BABY BABY to our 6 mo old niece).
Anyway, I just typing this out quickly.. Is it ok? Too mean? Too subtle? I plan to attach the Infertility Etiquette from Resolve.. Thanks, girls
Merry Christmas. It?s that time of year again when we all join together and celebrate what we have. As the years have gone by, we have excitedly watched as our extended families grew and added more nieces and nephews for us to love. We are very thankful for what we have, but still feel like something is missing.
For the past 2 years we have been trying hard to expand our family but are struggling with a diagnosis of infertility. The doctors we have been working with are trying to help, be we haven't had success yet. This sometimes makes the holiday's difficult, because as much as we love our family, we long for a child of our own.
During the time we have been working with a specialist, we have lost 2 tiny babies. We decided not to share about both because even though they were early, it was a very emotional time for us.
Out intent in sending this email is to share some of our personal struggle, and also raise your awareness. We?ve included a link to a great site dedicated to various types of infertility and how to support loved ones who are dealing with it. Unfortunately, we are one of the 1 in 8 couples who struggle with infertility, and chances are you may know someone else who is struggling silently.
We would like to be open with you all so if you have any questions, feel free to ask! Just remember that if we seem sad or maybe not as joyous this year, it?s for these reasons, and not because we don't love you!

I hope you don't mind the changes I made! Obviously use what you may like and discard anything else.

GL and good for you!

carlaws · December 2011

I like it. Good luck.

Jezebell26 · December 2011

I am in awe of your letter! And i wish i had the b@lls to send one out myself! I really hope this helps your situation and that your family becomes more sensitive to you and DH. Best of luck and sending hugs!

MsGMChick · December 2011

Ah ha. I love some of the ideas and changes. That's why I posted it!! Thanks girls- and our MIA Chris

Lightdrwr · December 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. The only thing I would change is the "what to say" part. I would just say that you've included the link as a resource for friends and family that will help explain infertility and what it entails. I hope you have good response to your letter and that it makes for a merrier Christmas.

brookelynpaisley · December 2011

kz's_girlygirl:
MsGMChick:

Lately it's gotten harder and harder on MH to be around his nieces and family- mostly because they don't all know of our struggles (or do and just don't care *cough*MIL*cough*), so he expressed that he wanted to tell them all before Christmas so maybe we could avoid another Thanksgiving episode (it involves us being alone in the dining room while he shed some tears and my MIL screamed BABY BABY BABY to our 6 mo old niece).

Anyway, I just typing this out quickly.. Is it ok? Too mean? Too subtle? I plan to attach the Infertility Etiquette from Resolve.. Thanks, girls

Merry Christmas. It?s that time of year again when we all join together and celebrate what we have. As the years have gone by, we have excitedly watched as our extended families grew and added more nieces and nephews for us to love. We are very thankful for what we have, but still feel like something is missing.
For the past 2 years we have been trying hard to expand our family but are struggling with a diagnosis of infertility. The doctors we have been working with are trying to help, be we haven't had success yet. This sometimes makes the holiday's difficult, because as much as we love our family, we long for a child of our own.

During the time we have been working with a specialist, we have lost 2 tiny babies. We decided not to share about both because even though they were early, it was a very emotional time for us.

Out intent in sending this email is to share some of our personal struggle, and also raise your awareness. We?ve included a link to a great site dedicated to various types of infertility and how to support loved ones who are dealing with it. Unfortunately, we are one of the 1 in 8 couples who struggle with infertility, and chances are you may know someone else who is struggling silently.

We would like to be open with you all so if you have any questions, feel free to ask! Just remember that if we seem sad or maybe not as joyous this year, it?s for these reasons, and not because we don't love you!

I hope you don't mind the changes I made! Obviously use what you may like and discard anything else.

GL and good for you!

This reads much better in a few places. The sentence about 3 doctors was choppy, and this is smoother.

I also agree about the "what to say" part. It does get tricky when you're essentially telling adults how you expect them to relate to you. I definitely think wording it as "how to support loved ones" as PP suggested is much more eloquent.

emmypants · December 2011

That looks wonderful. Nicely written.

sbrowns08 · December 2011

Sounds great MrsGM. I will say that we took the same approach with DH's family. A bit less formal though. MIL didn't really react as I thought she would. I wish i had included the Resolve link. I think that's key. Let us know how it goes!

MsGMChick · December 2011

Thanks everyone! We just sent it with a few adjustments. We'll see what happens. Here's hoping!

Ms H13 · December 2011

I think this is a great letter - hopefully you get positive responses. Let us know how it all goes.

DoubleBubble08 · December 2011

Great job sending this out! I'd be curious about what you hear back.

NiddyDiddy · December 2011

That's a great letter, and a great idea. I think DH and I would benefit from communicating something like that to my family -- thanks for the idea!

bandwife928 · December 2011

MsGMChick:
Thanks everyone! We just sent it with a few adjustments. We'll see what happens. Here's hoping!

Please let us know any responses you get!

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