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2nd Trimester
To stay at home with baby or work-that is the question..
I'm so torn..I have a good job now making good money (my husband does also though..and he already added me to his insurance incase I decide to not go back to work) But I work 10 hour night shift 4 days a week and commute 40 mins to and from work. I am so drained 24/7 and with LO in the picture-I don't know how I'm going to do this...DH says that we can get by with just him working but I don't want to put us in a bind-I don't think it would..but I just don't think I can work 40 hours and do the whole back and forth driving thing like I've been doing. Also on top of all that I have my mind set on breastfeeding. Any advice? My mom has been a real Debbie Downer on the subject of me quitting work and staying home with LO but to be honest that is where my heart really is. I have two credentials and have been keeping up continuing education with both (to keep up my degrees) and there are very few people that do what I do in my state so I'm not worried about to job security when I do decide to return to work...Any advice?? TIA *hugs 
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Re: To stay at home with baby or work-that is the question..
If you are torn you could always go back to work and then quit later if you decide you truly want to be a SAHM. In the meantime you could try living off of just SO's paycheck and save all of yours to see what it would feel like to have only one income.
For us, it would be too tight of a squeeze and unlike your situation I would have problems getting back into the workforce in anything other than an entry level position. I also like the idea of continuing to contribute to my 401k for retirement. I really wanted to SAH with DS, but went back to work for these reasons. After a few months of getting back I became settled into my routine and am now fine with working. It also really helps me feel good that DS loves daycare! He has fun playing with all of their toys and interacting with kids his age and he also learns new things there.
I would love to stay home with my baby for at least the first couple of years. I am a teacher and I can technically stay home from March when the babies born all the way until the end of the following school year so a little over a year. But all of this time is unpaid and they also stop my health benefits. DH and I just can't afford it.
As for breastfeeding if you do decide to continue working, I think it's totally doable. I know a lot of women at my job that will pump in the bathroom at work during their free time and lunch.
It is a very personal decision but I'll tell you my story. I went back to work and school after ds #1 was born I missed him but I was ok doing it because ds was with my mom while I was gone and I loved my job. I was a single mom and lived with my parents so I didn't have to worry about house work and cooking and all of that so I had more time after work for ds.
Fast forward 6.5 years I met a wonderful man we got married bought a house, he adopted ds #1 and we tried for another baby. Ds #2 was born and I stayed home 13 weeks and cried and cried when I had to go back to work. This time I didn't like my job and felt unappreciated and was always stressed by the time I got home and took care of dinner my older son, fed my baby and did house work I had NO time to enjoy my kids or husband. I worked though the busy season at work and then took a lay off. Now I am not going back after this baby it would cost too much for day care and we are a MUCH happier family with me home.
I never thought I would want to be a SAHM but I love it so much I know my children so well and I am not watching some one else raise them. We cut back on a lot of things for me to stay home but it has been so much better for our whole family.
I'm not sure what your job entails, but many women continue to breastfeed successfully after going back to work so I would think it's likely you could as well.
As far as going back to work, is there any middle ground between SAH and working? Can you work out a part-time schedule, and cut back to two nights a week? Can you take an extended leave of absence after the baby comes without completely giving up your rights to your current job? Can you find another job closer to home, or find a different part-time job closer to home to earn a little extra money and get out of the house a couple of days a week?
I agree with a PP-try living on just your husband's salary until the baby comes to see if that will actually work for you. I wouldn't make any permanent decisions until after the baby arrives. You may feel strongly about staying home now, but it's possible your feelings could change after the baby comes. Staying at home isn't an option for me since I'm the primary income earner and carry our insurance, but I was surprised how much I was looking forward to getting back to work after my 3 month mat leave last time. There are certainly still times I wish I had more flexibility to stay at home, but overall I'm happy to continue working and have that other part of my identity.
Marriage: 12.18.04
DD1: 5.19.10
DD2: 4.11.12
DS #1 born 05/25/2012
BFP#2: 06/12/2013 ---- loss
DS #2 born 4/08/2014
BPF#4: 2/1/2016 --- 2/23/2016 suspected molar pregnancy--- 3/15/2016 D&E - diagnosis MM
BFP#5 - 9/22/2016
* formally bornmommy
Is there anyway you can work part-time at your current job or look for a daytime job closer to home?
Being a SAHM is just not something I am interested in, but I know a lot of women love it. You can always go back to work and if you still hate it after a month or more, you can quit.
I was about to suggest the same thing. That way, your family's income won't decrease as much and you'll still have the job in case financial situations change and you need to work full time again.
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree. Just because your child is in daycare doesn't mean that someone else is raising them. Yes, they are helping in that process, but to say they are raising them is a far cry from the truth. I work full time and am happy with that choice. I know my daughter "so well", as you put it, even if I work outside the home. I think it is great that that DD has another person that she knows she can trust and that loves her. What is so wrong with a child having another loving adult in their life?
Just because I work full time, doesn't mean I consider myself any less of a full time mom then someone who SAH. I work for my daughter, I cook for her, clean up after her, give her baths, feed her, cuddle with her, do fun activities with her, get to see her grow and reach new milestones as well as make sure she is happy and very well loved.
Going back to work is something that is a very personal decision and one that has to work for you and YOUR family. There isn't one that is better then the other...only one that is RIGHT for you. I can tell you that going back to work, while hard at first and something that gets some taking used to is definitely doable and many women find a very happy balance.
Maybe weigh out the pros and cons of each. Like others have said, if you are truly set on SAH, maybe try living off DH's income. If you don't like the financial change by that, then maybe working might be a better fit. Good luck in your decision.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
I left my job as a teacher at the end of the 2009-2010 school year, two months before having DD for a variety of reasons but mainly because of the long commute and the long hours I had due to my caseload and having to do home visits, phone calls and all other sorts of things (I worked in the inner city where it was regular that kids would miss busses or parents would forget to pick up their children)
I applied for job after job after DD was born I did not find anything. I applied to over 100 jobs for this school year and did not get anything. I am still not working but currently back in school to get a completely different degree in Nursing. I have always had an interest in nursing and always wanted to do it, but for some reason never did while I was in school. So when it comes time in two and a half years to apply for nursing jobs, I will be up front with my decision, teaching just was not for me, I always wanted to do nursing and so for the last three years I took time off to focus on school and raising my children.
I do not think I am going to have any problems finding a job. Mothers take time off all the time to raise their children.
It sounds as though you're in a great position to stay at home! Your DH is on board and both of you feel that you'll be financially secure enough on just his income - that's huge! You also said that you're not worried about job security if/when you do decide to return to work. So...what do you have to lose, really? I'm not sure why your mom would be so adamantly opposed to the idea, but quite frankly, it's not her decision to make, right? Did she SAH with you when you were young?
No one is going to love and care for that baby like you will and that baby will only be a baby for a short time. Live life with no regrets - you can always go back to work later. Granted, I'm biased - I quit my job right after DS1 was born and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Good luck!
...not a true newbie...been a Nestie since '05, but had to change my SN to change my sig...
We couldn't afford for me to be a SAHM so I decided to keep children to supplement our income. I still get to be a SAHM, albeit a very tired mom, and make an income. Depending on the state you can keep a couple of kids without being licensed, or you can become licensed and you will make more $$. I don;t get the freedom of leaving the house whenever I want but having an income more than makes up for that.
This is just my plan until my youngest is in school. Then I can go back to work, continue keeping kids, or open a center away from our house.
Can you work part time?
I get to stay home the first year with the baby and i am really thankful for that. however after my year is up i have to go back to work.
There is no way we could afford for me to stay home. If one of us could, it would way be way more likely that it would be DH instead of me
I left my job in education to go to nursing school, and now I'm a nurse. It was the biggest mistake of my life. The job is demaning, working holidays and weekends suck (if you work in a hospital), and there is often times very little respect. And I have even more school loans. Worst idea ever. Vent over. GL.
All I can say is to follow your heart. That's what I'm doing. DH & I are working-class people. My job is relatively low-paying (~ $35k). DH's job pays slightly more because of overtime, but only slightly. The problem is that daycare costs for the area I live in are ASTRONOMICAL. As in, I would be working my customary 40- 45 hours a week, and my salary would JUST pay for daycare. That makes no sense to me; I'd rather be poor and at home with my baby then tired, frustrated that I'm paying someone else to raise my child, and still poor! So, we are basically cutting our income in half. We are definitely going to struggle (despite the fact that we have a very small home, no crazy "extras", no lavish vacations/hobbies/personal habits, etc). There will probably be months where I will have to decide if I can get by on carrot sticks so I can make sure our baby lives in comfort. I'm willing to do it though, because I know that things will eventually change. My mom is planning on retiring in ~ 1 1/2 or 2 years, when my dad is making more money in his new career, and she would LOVE to watch our baby then. I just finished my bachelor's degree, and have an idea of other schooling I'd like to pursue for a job in a medical field, which I could do then, and then go back to work. In the meantime, I'll be getting a part-time job on either my husband's days off or on the weekends when my mom can watch the baby, so I can contribute financially to the household again. DH and I are willing to make it work any way we have to. Will we be financially secure? Not at all. Will we have any extras for a while? Not at all. Will we both be satisfied that we're doing the best we can and that our child is going to grow up happy and healthy regardless of our financial situation? Completely.
Personally, I would give anything in the entire world to stay at home with our baby. There is nothing we can cut out of our budget that would make one income possible right now (both just out of college, making pitiful wages, upside down on house). But if there was any possibility at all for me to stay home, I would.
Listen to your own gut to make the decision, you're going to have someone looking down on you with disapproval whether you decide to stay at home or go back to work, it's definitely a subject that brings up strong opinions. It's completely your choice, but I envy you.
Please don't use that argument in support of staying home unless you really want to start the "mommy wars".
I am a working mom and I sure as hell raise my own child.
Elonah [3], Bentley [1]
I find this argument very interesting. This was the point of view I held for a while, but then talked to my SIL about it. She is a dayhome provider and does not view herself as 'raising other people's children'. She is an early childhood educator and is there to help them learn and grow. The kids know (some of them little more than infants) that she is not their parent. How a child is parented regardless of SAH/WM makes the biggest difference - not just what she does with them during the day.