Should have been "baby's first Christmas"...

agrobins1 · December 2011

Yesterday, our sweet little girl would have been 4 weeks old. Instead, she was born still at 40 weeks, 1 day. Her autopsy was normal, there seem to be no medical answers as to why she passed away. Ava died on the Monday before Thanksgiving. My mom and mother in law purchased things/outfits for her first Christmas and we had plans to create cards with her picture and starting new traditions. This would have been our first child after an early miscarriage last year and the first grandchild for both sides of our family. I just wanted to say that without having God in our lives, I wouldn't be dealing with our loss so well. At Ava's funeral, I comforted our friends and family. The Lord does not make mistakes. He is the reason we were able to get pregnant both times. I believe He let me not cope properly with the miscarriage in order to learn how to deal with this loss. She was so beautiful when she came out, absolutely nothing was wrong with her, other than she wasn't alive. God saw Ava in my womb and how perfect she was and decided he was going to keep her with him. He needs her for a greater purpose than for her to be our daughter here on Earth. God has a plan for us and wouldn't give us anything we can't handle. I believe he wants us to write a book or blog as a family on how on our experience and how to deal with the pain and move forward. I am realistic and know that I will have bad days, I do have them every once in a while. But I am at peace knowing that my little angel is up in Heaven with the father in law that passed away that I never got to meet and with our other baby that we haven't gotten to to meet yet. I am also at peace knowing I will be with my baby again, the time we have here on Earth is short but we will get to spend eternity with her! How awesome is that? Stillbirth isn't something that gets talked about, it's like a secret society until it happens to you then you hear about everyone that has been touched and had to suffer also. I was told a statistic, about every 1 in 100 pregnancies will end with still birth (it's considered stillbirth from 20 weeks forward). Our local hospital has around 5000 births a year so you do the math on how frequent this tragedy occurs. Ava's death has put a scar on my heart that will never heal, we will never forget her but we will heal as time passes. I just wanted to talk about it a little. I don't know how folks get through this without loving family, friends and God in your life. He will make us better people and parents for having to suffer through this. I pray that no one has to go through this too but I know there will / have been others but we are not alone. We can help each other. Please remember what's important. Your family and God are.

NicoleD54 · December 2011

I'm sorry for the loss of your Ava. All the ladies on this board understand how hard it its to be celebrating Christmas without our babies. I hope you find the support you need on this board.