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PrettyInPearls23
member
Oh the tantrums -- toddler moms, please help!
PrettyInPearls23
member
I thought I'd switch things up a bit around here and ask for some parenting help. DS will be 2 on NYE and his tantrums are slowly getting to be much, much worse. To the point of being embarrassed in public. When we're at home, I have no problem letting him roll around all over the floor, ignoring his antics, until he gets it out of his system. Obviously I can't do that in public -- although I was thisclose to letting him roll around on the floor of a rest area on our 11 hr road trip over the weekend. He wanted to be carried, and I wanted him to walk so he could stretch his legs. It was like WW III. So embarrassing.
So I guess my question is this -- what do you do when you're in public? I don't want to give in and teach him that he can get what he wants when we're in public, but I also don't want to be that mom who just lets their child scream and ruin things for other people. I can't always remove us from the situation (i.e. the rest area. I had to go to the bathroom!) so I guess I'm at a loss.
Suggestions? Books on how to deal with toddlers? Experiences?
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Re: Oh the tantrums -- toddler moms, please help!
I handle it pretty much the same in public as I do at home. First, I ask him to be a big boy and tell me what he would like. If he does, awesome. Tantrum resolved. But that rarely ever happens. After one request to talk to me I tell him that he has to do X or he's going into a time out. Then I do it. I've given him a time out in Target, at a gas station, the Children's Museum, etc. There's always a time out spot. If that doesn't work or he has a serious attitude problem I try to remove us from the situation.
In your rest stop example I would probably tell him he has to walk or he can sit where he's standing for a time out then walk. Period. Unless I really had to pee then I'd tell him if he asked me nicely (including please) that I would carry him to the bathroom but he would still have to walk back to the car.
ETA: I know how incredibly embarrassing it can be! OMG. DS is a tantrum expert. It also sucks because sometimes things need to be done but DS is in a bad mood. There's nobody else to do those things so we have to muddle through
I try not to worry too much about people seeing him misbehave in public. Those who don't understand usually aren't parents and those who are parents will understand and usually give a sympathetic smile.
P isn't huge into tantrums but he'll stick out his lip and start sobbing like someone pinched him. I sometimes try to change the subject and distract him from what he's upset about in the first place.
Consistency, even when horribly inconvienent, was the key for me. You give in once, and kids know that they will eventually get their way if they complain long enough. In emergency situations (you have to pee), I would calmly give DD a choice - you may walk yourself or I will carry you but you will lose a privilege. Privilege loss is a huge motivation still at age 6 for my girl. I've taken away treats, stuffed animals, and other fun things that she misses.
I also started simple sticker charts for positive choices/behavior - if she filled a chart, (I made that easy to do at first for quicker gratification), she could go the dollar store and pick out a prize. So, I would say - if you make the good choice to walk yourself, I will add a sticker to your chart.
I have a seriously stubborn, strong-willed daughter. I have to switch things up, but I make sure that she knows my expectations always and I never waver. The difficult thing is to have her father 100% on board, as well as grandparents. I've done time-outs on the step at home Super Nanny style - keep putting her back on there for 40 minutes straight
Tests my patience, but I hope it pays in the end.
BTW, my b-day is NYE too
Good luck!
Yup, I ignore and let the tantrum go in public as I would at home. If anyone around me has an issue with it the either #1 don't have children and some day will, #2 don't have children b/c they are old and bitter or #3 have been in the same boat.
It will only happen a few times and then he will get the picture that it's not going to allow him to get his way. I think everyone understands there are times when you can/can't control your children. I wouldn't take him anywhere people are trying to have a nice meal, watch a movie, library etc. BUT a local grocery store, it's bound to happen.
I try to remember to have a serious discussion before we go into a store, telling my son how I expect him to behave. I explain that if he starts to throw a fit, we will go to the bathroom/go outside for a time out. It usually helps to set the expectation beforehand.
Yes, also (not sure if he is able to understand this yet) tell him the type of behavior you expect out of him, what you don't want to see etc. before you go "in".
for instance, if you are going to McDonalds (ex.) for a lunch and he wants to play, tell him I expect you to eat your meal first, I don't want you to throw your food and if you behave then you can play for 1 hour after dinner....if you misbehave then you won't be able to play today.
If you set them up for success and let them know the consequences of failure and STICK TO IT (I have had to carry out 2 screaming crying children after a meal at CFA b/c of misbehavior) then the next time you do it he will KNOW you mean business.