How would you deal with this?

mama&baby · December 2011

So DH and I have both been at home with LO, who has been more and more fussy lately due to gas issues (we are waiting on the probiotics to kick in and using a thing called the "windi"). Anyways, MIL has pretty much been dying to have LO to herself since the day we brought him home from the hospital. There is no doubt part of it is to give us a break, but even when we say we aren't going out but she is fine to stay and hold LO, she still insists we go out and do something.

This week MIL went out and got a pack n play for LO for her house. Then next thing I know it's "well you can drop him off on Thursday and pick him up Friday so you can have a break". He is getting close to a month old and she wants him to spend the night without us there. DH already knows how I feel about it-- it makes me very anxious (especially since he's been high maintenance nowadays and MIL hasn't taken care of an infant since DH was a baby). I have no issue with her watching him during the day... but I guess with SIDS and just attachment issues night time is a different story. Plus I've been getting back into BFing and I'll have to pump like crazy to try and keep my meager supply up. At first I was dead set against it..... but DH was very into it. He's tired and could use a night off. I have pretty much told him it's up to him, but he is aware of how I feel about it.

The thought of being away from LO at night is enough to make me cry... I'm tearing up as I write this. I keep thinking of the times when MIL has said "they sleep on their stomachs now, right?" or the stories of SIDS from her first born child (he didn't pass but they went to the hospital a few times) and it makes me feel ridiculous and crazy. So-- how would you deal with this issue? For those 2nd time moms-- how old was LO when you first spent the night away and how did you deal?

HPickle23 · December 2011

Personally, I would say that if you don't feel comfortable leaving LO over night at your MILs then you shouldn't feel like you have to do it. If you needed to wake up in the middle of the night to pump anyways, then what would be the difference of doing that or feeding LO? If you need the break, then take it. Just make sure that MIL is on board with how you want LO to be taken care of. Make sure she knows what you want and don't want including how your baby sleeps, times you want them down for the night and anything else to keep them as close to your routine as possible. I know that if I wasn't with my baby even for one night I wouldn't be able to sleep; but that's just me. It's ultimately your decision and how comfortable you feel.

klovesd · December 2011

If you don't feel comfortable leaving LO overnight with someone then don't. It's your child so you decide. Don't let MIL guilt you into something that you don't feel comfortable with.

gina2433 · December 2011

NO!! You sound like you want to say no and your heart says no. Why did she just assume you can drop him off and he can spend the night? I hate it whe people do that. This is your baby. Sorry I just get heated when people are pushy about a baby that is yours! She had her turn at being a mom it's yours. Tell her if you need a night of you'll decide and you guys can take turns waking up with him. Specially since he is gassy he will want you to comfort him not some MIL who he has spent little time with. Babies need their mommies right now and they know you and need you.

Again I'm sorry if I said too much but it's just how I feel.

Raffes484 · December 2011

Just tell her and DH that you're not ready. DD was 11 weeks old before I left her over night and even then she went to my sister who was living with my parents and brother, so it wasn't just my sister caring for DD.

If you're not ready you won't enjoy your break.

smilelari · December 2011

I'd leave him there for a couple hours one evening - long enough to have dinner and maybe see a movie - but hell to the no on leaving him overnight. FWIW the first time we left DS overnight it was for our 5 year anniversary, about a week after his first birthday

baileyrayvalentine · December 2011

I agree with everyone else with a resounding hellllllll no. If you aren't ready, absolutely not. Your MIL is being very presumptuous and though sure, she's trying to help and I'm sure she's coming from a good place, it's just too soon. I say if she wants to help and if you really need a break, maybe she can spend the night at your house so your baby will still be there and you can witness your MIL in action caring for such a small baby to see if she can hack it. A lot has changed since our parents were in our shoes and though a lot of them think our generation are overprotective, we are the parents and we call the shots. My FIL famously tried to give us the crib my husband used in 1972 and said that new crib regulations are "propaganda".

peanut107 · December 2011

klovesd:
If you don't feel comfortable leaving LO overnight with someone then don't. It's your child so you decide. Don't let MIL guilt you into something that you don't feel comfortable with.

This. [[[hugs]]]

authorofdreamz · December 2011

FI has been asking me if I'd ask my mom to watch DD overnight sometime next week because his parents (we are living with them temporarily) are going out of town so we'd have the house to ourselves. Even though I completely trust my mom I'm really not sure I want to be away from her that long and have a feeling even if we tried it we'd end up picking her up after a few hours lol

lunatunatoo · December 2011

klovesd:
If you don't feel comfortable leaving LO overnight with someone then don't. It's your child so you decide. Don't let MIL guilt you into something that you don't feel comfortable with.

If I could bold that darker, I would.

TimeRacer · December 2011

I pretty much have to agree with everyone else on this one. If you aren't comfortable, don't. I agree with Smilelari, though..if you guys need a break, let MIL have baby for a couple of hours so you can have a quiet dinner and she gets her time alone with baby without it completely screwing up your routine.

Honestly though, if it makes you uncomfortable at all, don't bother. It would just stress you out more and you'd never enjoy the break.

funkyfrog · December 2011

8 months is when we left our daughter overnight to go to an out of state wedding.

Juat politely tell her you aren't ready. However you should get out to dinner or do some shopp

funkyfrog · December 2011

8 months is when we left our daughter overnight to go to an out of state wedding.

Juat politely tell her you aren't ready. However you should get out to dinner or do some shopping with your husband. Get comfortable leaving the baby for little outings. Maybe even have her sleep over and help at night or with your morning so you can sleep in

snowkiwi · December 2011

klovesd:
If you don't feel comfortable leaving LO overnight with someone then don't. It's your child so you decide. Don't let MIL guilt you into something that you don't feel comfortable with.

Giant ditto. My MIL is the guilt trip guru. Don't take her stuff on-board.

littlewinnie15 · December 2011

I absolutely agree with everyone else. Sorry, one month is just TOO young to be without mama overnight. Especially if you are BFing and working through supply issues. We've had multiple offers from the grandparents to take our LO over night, and I just say "No thanks!" I think they are just trying to be nice and really want to babysit, but deep down they get it that LO is too young.

Do not feel bad about this or let it upset you - just tell her no. She'll have to deal!!

Want a personalized experience?

How would you deal with this?

Re: How would you deal with this?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards