Bridesmaid 12 days post-EDD?

BabyCurrier · December 2011

I could use some advice! This is my 1st pg. I've been asked to be in my childhood best friend's wedding. She was in my wedding last year and it has been a BIG deal since we promised each other as kids that we would be in each others weddings (even though we drifted apart over the years). My EDD is 7/16 and I am supposed to be a BM on 7/28. Also, the wedding is 7 hours away. Luckily, it is in my hometown so we would be able to stay at my parents and have plenty of room. DH and parents would be able to help. Also, the bride only requests that we get a black dress (not all ordering the same one), so I have some freedom and could even go get a dress after I have the baby to find one that fits ok. Ugh, I am going to feel so ugly I'm sure. So, 2 questions.

1.) Am I crazy to even considering doing this?

2.) What should I say to the bride? She doesn't have any children so neither one of us know what to expect. Tentatively plan to be in the wedding or just go ahead and say not gonna happen?

Would appreciate any advice!

FlannelGrl · December 2011

This is my first also, but I would say probably not. I know so many women that have had complications and if you end up having to have a c-section you won't want to be standing for that long! (From what I've heard). Or even doing a 7 hour drive with a newborn or being in a car for that long. Also, I've heard first time mom's are more likely to go a week after their due date than early too.

Just something to consider.

temporalrobe · December 2011

i would not commit to be IN the wedding, but be as big of a part of it as you can now. with the planning and other parties involved.

HOPE you can make it - but that's about it.

HRTB16 · December 2011

If I were you, I'd agree to be in the wedding but just let her know that if you have the baby after 7/20 that it would prob end up being too much. (Also if you have any unexpected issues, obviously!) If she's a good friend she should understand.

Adventurers · December 2011

temporalrobe:
i would not commit to be IN the wedding, but be as big of a part of it as you can now. with the planning and other parties involved.
HOPE you can make it - but that's about it.

I agree with this! Be as involved and helpful as possible, but let her have someone else be IN the wedding. My first baby was 8 days late, and I had to have an unplanned c-section and was in the hospital 4 nights. When I was able to come home, I was pretty hopped up on pain medicine and wanted to move as little as possible. Don't commit to something (even if it is a big deal... your baby is a bigger deal... trust me!) that you can't promise to be a part of. Best wishes!

boxerbe123 · December 2011

I absolutely would tell her that you can not commit to be IN the wedding, but you would love to be there if possible.

I was so uncomfortable for about 3 weeks after DS's birth, between the 3rd and 4th degree tears, pain trying to breastfeed, engorgement, yeast infection, extreme fatigue, etc....there is no way I would have been comfortable being in a wedding.

Of coarse, you may bounce right back, but I wouldn't commit fully to something that you really have no control over, KWIM!?!?

mandalinn25 · December 2011

It is not fair to her to agree when you honestly might not be able to make it. I would decline.

MrsOjoButtons · December 2011

kellybellybean:
You should decline, absolutely. You might still be pregnant at that point, and even if you have the baby, you're definitely not going to want to take a seven hour trip. I think you really have no choice but to decline.

Yes

Offer to go visit to help with invitations, a shower, wedding favors, etc, but I think making the commitment to be there, fit in a dress, and not have things leaking out of you is a bit too much. There's a great chance you could still be pregnant unless you have one of those doctors who induces everybody at 39 weeks.

BabyCurrier · December 2011

Thanks for the advice ladies! I was pretty sure this was the advice I would get. It's honestly a relief to hear.

ThePinkSuperhero · December 2011

Glad to hear we could help!

J.Johnson-Smith · December 2011

It's unfortunate about the timing of two amazing things..but you have to do what you have to do. The week following birth is a huge adjustment period..not only with being completely exhausted, learning about your new baby and getting into a new normalcy, but your body has some serious recoup to do. After giving birth you feel pretty unattractive. I am not vain and don't pose you to be either, but a wedding equals TONS of pictures. And I don't care if you lose all your gained weight in the delivery room you're not going to feel tip top and posey for all those pics. Honestly you may still be sore and unable to walk with ease! Not to scare you but there's tons of possibilities here and I feel like all of them point to you regretfully declining. I would certainly be as much help as possible, but your world will be in so much change right then that no one would think ill of you for putting yourself first.

Shortcake2675 · December 2011

12 days PP after my first child I had barely slept and was not in the mood to do much past keep her fed, eat myself, and go back to the doctor.

There is no way I would do a 7 hr drive, nor want anything to do with a wedding.

Sorry.

newmommytobe79 · December 2011

I agree with the other posters. My own sister is getting married 4 hours away on 7/14 and I am due 7/1 and I already told her that I probably won't be able to make it. This is my first pregnancy and at first I thought maybe I could still be her MOH but after looking into it more, I quickly realized that I was in denial. You don't know if you'll give birth on your due date or later and complications can arise...and most people have told me that they were out of it for a few weeks after having their baby (lack of sleep, engorgement, etc.) Even my OB recommends not going. As much as I want to be there for my sister, I simply cannot commit to it given the circumstances. (This is also her second wedding and my other sister is going to be her MOH). She was very disappointed (as was I) when I told her but as my husband says, our baby comes first now. I think she understands now and I'm sure she will when she gets pregnant herself. Most people (including myself until I looked into it more) don't realize how crazy labor can be. But, they give you 6 weeks sick leave (at least at my job) because it really can take that long to recover. If you explain all of this, I am sure your friend will understand and will probably appreciate you bowing out so that she can have someone else who is certain to be able to handle being in the wedding. Good luck!

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