April 2012 Moms

Help! Am I Snarky?

So...My baby daddy and I are not married, but we are in a relationship together.  I'm starting to feel like I want to have the same last name as our daughter, or atleast have my last name be a part of her name (which would mean that I am bogarting the entire naming process because I am dead set on Emily even though he likes June).  He has, along with his entire family, assumed that she will have his last name even though we haven't discussed it at all, and that's fine, because I haven't challenged it. 

Is it snarky of me to set my foot down about something like this?  Even if I keep it as her last name being his, and her middle name being my last name? (it doesn't sound horrible together).  Am I being stubborn and selfish about this?  It is starting to keep me up at night thinking about it, and I don't want to bring it up with him if it's just me being a brat.

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Re: Help! Am I Snarky?

  • If you aren't married and don't plan on being married or in a relationship then I see nothing wrong with the baby keeping your last name. You have to do what you feel is best for your child
    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
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  • I think you should do whatever you are most comfortable with.   However, thinking long term....if you end up marrying your BF then your last name would change to his.   And you'd have to legally have your daughters name changed as well.   Or if things don't work out and you marry someone else then again your name would change.   And at that point your daughter would have a different last name from her mom and her dad.

    I like the idea of using your last name as her middle name best.    That way she has a part of your name and if and when your last name changes, her name stays the same.      And years down the line when she marries, she will still have your name as her middle name.    

  • I don't see anything wrong with that at all.  Several of my friends who didn't take their husband's name have their last names as the baby's MN.

    I also don't see anything wrong with the baby having your last name as his/her last name.  I don't think it should be assumed that the baby has his last name, but that is a decision for you and baby daddy.

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  • Just my opinion, but I actually think it's a better idea for your daughter to have the same last name as you.  You and your BF might be in a great relationship now, but since you aren't actually married, I think it's smarter for your daughter to have your last name.  If you and your BF get married, it won't be that difficult to change your daughter's name to match yours and your new H's.
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  • Thanks Ladies...

    And Baby daddy is always so agreeable that I think he will just say it's fine even if it bothers him, so I didn't want to bring it up without talking about it a little first.

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  • It's what your comfortable with.  I see nothing wrong with it.

    IMO, I'd have my daughter have my last name if I wasn't married.  Relationship or not.  You never know what could happen after LO comes.  For me, it would just be easier if something happened down the road.  Not saying something would, but you never know...

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  • imagePatella1129:
    Just my opinion, but I actually think it's a better idea for your daughter to have the same last name as you.  You and your BF might be in a great relationship now, but since you aren't actually married, I think it's smarter for your daughter to have your last name.  If you and your BF get married, it won't be that difficult to change your daughter's name to match yours and your new H's.

    This is what I was going to say.  DH and I are married and I kept my last name.  I did give him the option of hyphaneting our names, but he didn't want to change his name, nor did he feel like I had to change mine.  Our daughter will have her last name hyphanenated with both of ours.  She can choose if she would like to use one or the other when she grows up. 

    P.S.  It is not uncommon in my community for the woman to keep her maiden name.  My grandmother on my dad's side kept her last name and took my grandfather's name as well.

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  • Yah, that's what has been holding me back.  Plus, I will be the primary caregiver as it is (he's still in college and I'm already set up in my career) and She will be on my insurance, so I don't know what the best course of action would be for the legal paperwork and stuff...or if a last name really matters like that. 

    My mom keeps trying to get me to talk to an attorney, but Gah I don't want to do that at this point.

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  • I would def. have LO have my last name if I wasn't married, you never know what will happen. I had a friend that had a baby before marriage and gave her the dad's last name and we were all kind of surprised, but they did end up getting married eventually.
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  • I would talk to your BF about it.  Your child will be 50% yours and 50% his so I think all significant others that plan on being in the childs life should have a say on their name.

     Personally I think using your last name as a middle name is a good idea, and would make for a good compromise.

    This isn't related to what you posted but to the replies you have received.  I have a pet peeve of people who say down the line something might happen automatically assuming if there is a baby involved 100% of the time the baby ends up with the mother.  Also if you don't marry him, but marry somebody else later and change your name, your daughter would then not have your last name or her father's last name.

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  • I'm pretty traditional when it comes to the last name thing. I took H's last name when we married without a thought and if we weren't married, our child would have his last name without a thought as well.

    BUT......if it's something that bothers you, then you should sit down and talk to him and see if a compromise can be made. Whether it be, baby has your last name until marriage or your last name as her mn....find what works for your relationship.

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  • I would do the exact same thing. In fact, I am doing the exact same thing even though we're engaged. My babies will have a first & middle name, and my and their father's last names as well. Although they will probably use his name mostly, and mine secondarily, they are no less my kids than his so I put my foot down. Actually, it was his idea.. but I would have put my foot down had he not proposed this solution :)
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  • imagelindy27:

    I would talk to your BF about it.  Your child will be 50% yours and 50% his so I think all significant others that plan on being in the childs life should have a say on their name.

     Personally I think using your last name as a middle name is a good idea, and would make for a good compromise.

    This isn't related to what you posted but to the replies you have received.  I have a pet peeve of people who say down the line something might happen automatically assuming if there is a baby involved 100% of the time the baby ends up with the mother.  Also if you don't marry him, but marry somebody else later and change your name, your daughter would then not have your last name or her father's last name.

    Thank you!  I was thinking the same thing!  Unless baby daddy wants nothing to do with the baby, then I would say to go ahead with the baby having your last name.

    If you get married to someone else, though, and change your name, your child will not have the same name as either parent which would be uber confusing.

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  • imageXimena M:

    imagePatella1129:
    Just my opinion, but I actually think it's a better idea for your daughter to have the same last name as you.  You and your BF might be in a great relationship now, but since you aren't actually married, I think it's smarter for your daughter to have your last name.  If you and your BF get married, it won't be that difficult to change your daughter's name to match yours and your new H's.

    This is what I was going to say.  DH and I are married and I kept my last name.  I did give him the option of hyphaneting our names, but he didn't want to change his name, nor did he feel like I had to change mine.  Our daughter will have her last name hyphanenated with both of ours.  She can choose if she would like to use one or the other when she grows up. 

    P.S.  It is not uncommon in my community for the woman to keep her maiden name.  My grandmother on my dad's side kept her last name and took my grandfather's name as well.

    This for me as well. My last name is H, DH's last name is S, baby's last name will be S-H. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting your baby to share your last name in some way. And if you marry your bf or someone else down the line, you don't have to change your name at that point, so there's no reason to assume your child would suddenly have "no one's" last name.

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