I feel like a jerk

DGentry731 · December 2011

So this girl I went to school with got married in Feb. and she sent me an invite through facebook. I didn't go because I felt like if she really wanted me there she should have taken the time to ask for my address and actually invite me. Shortly after their wedding I saw that she had taken a HPT and got a neg.

I got married in April and didn't invite her because for 1 it was a small wedding with mostly family and we weren't close in school and 2 because the way she invited me. I guess she was upset because she deleted me from facebook a few weeks later.

About 3 weeks ago while I was at home bored I decided to torture myself and see if she was pregnant yet (I still wasn't at the time). So I went to her facebook page and sure enough her profile pic. was an ultrasound of her baby. I got upset and told dh it wasn't fair (even though they were married and trying longer than us).

Well tonight I decided to go to her page to see how far along she was and I found out she lost the baby 2 days after I found out we were pregnant again. I know its not my fault that she lost her baby but I feel so guilty for being upset. I don't know if I should add her back and say anything to her or just leave her alone (after all she did delete me).

There is really no point to this post but I thought I might feel better if I typed it out.

texasmeg1 · December 2011

I had a similar situation with a facebook friend of mine. I was so bitter when I saw that she was pregnant. She then lost their baby at 14 weeks... I felt horrible.

It happens, we're human.

texasmeg1 · December 2011

PS is it weird that she would post about a BFN on facebook???

melissa721 · December 2011

I'd feel like a jerk too. Hopefully she finds comfort and peace to get through this. Miscarriage isn't easy. =(

melissa721 · December 2011

texasmeg1:
PS is it weird that she would post about a BFN on facebook???

I was thinking the same thing.

pottermommy · December 2011

texasmeg1:
PS is it weird that she would post about a BFN on facebook???

I thought this too lol...

And I think we all have those moments....I still have them when I se emy friends who have kids that were born around the time Kamryn was...It isn't that I wanted something to happen to their kids..I just don't get why something had to happen to mine....

Think of it this way, you weren't angry at her, you were sad for you. And if that doesn't work just know that we are all jerks too at one point or another.....

gfornkohl · December 2011

its ok sweetie....we all make mistakes...specially when we want a baby...and other people get it...its natural to feel like that...we may be happy for them yet angry it hasn't happen to us...god will be with her...its ok love

linfor2 · December 2011

texasmeg1:
PS is it weird that she would post about a BFN on facebook???

This! I probably wouldn't add her since she deleted you but I know how you feel!

karma79 · December 2011

texasmeg1:

I had a similar situation with a facebook friend of mine. I was so bitter when I saw that she was pregnant. She then lost their baby at 14 weeks... I felt horrible.

It happens, we're human.

We hadn't deleted each other but I had a similiar situation. We weren't real close, just hung out a little in high school but I did reach out to her. We actually were quite a comfort to each other as we were TTCAL together. She got pg before me and I was jealous of course and she knew that but was very kind to me about it. And I was so glad when a few months later I told her I finally was pg again too.

kokokat · December 2011

DGentry731:

I know its not my fault that she lost her baby but I feel so guilty for being upset.

I know just what you mean about this. Even though I don't know her, Michelle Duggar announced she was pregnant with the baby she just lost only a few days after I m/c in October. I got irrationally angry at her, and cried to DH that she had so many other children, why was it her turn again, and our baby didn't make it? I don't even know her! Then, when she m/c, I felt so, so guilty for having been jealous/upset, and my heart just broke for her. I think your reactions were normal for what you were going through, and I had them too. Don't beat yourself up. The important thing is that you felt empathy for this woman when she lost her baby.

Kasi80 · December 2011

I was wondering about the BFN thing too. You shouldn't feel like a jerk. I think it's natural to feel that way. I learned that having been apart of TTCAL. I think we all feel that way at some point. As for reaching out to her, I would. A lot of people reached out to me with their stories of loss and it made me feel like I wasn't alone.

busterbeagle · December 2011

This happened to me, too, and I think I posted something with the *exact* same subject. I was bitter because a co-worker announced that her DIL was expecting a few weeks after I got my BFP. All I could think was, "Great, now if something happens to my baby, I'm going to have to hear about her pregnancy for the next 9 months." She ended up having a missed m/c around 12 weeks and I felt horrible for having those thoughts.

Going through a loss brings out a lot of ugly feelings. Every one of us has felt that kind of jealousy, even after getting pregnant again.

I'm not sure I would reach out to her, though. Not just because of the wedding stuff you mentioned, but also because it might hurt her that you got pregnant right when she had her loss, which is still very fresh.

DGentry731 · December 2011

Thank you all for making me feel a little better. About the BFN she didn't say it in those exact words but definetly implied it. It was more of "will test tomorrow" then the next day said "aww maybe next month". Then a friend commented something like "you'll get a baby soon enough" or something like that. I also decided not to reach out to her for the reason a pp replied and that is that I am pregnant and that may only cause her pain.

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