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Well... That was unpleasant

ahill1889ahill1889 member
in Single Parents

Just got off the phone with STBXH.  I called because he has been living at my aunt's place and needs to move out by the beginning of the year.  I needed to know where he's going in order to finish my paperwork.  During that conversation I brought up that I have very seriously been considering changing our daughter's last name to reflect my maiden name and giving our son my maiden name when he's born, to make things easier on the kids and with paperwork stuff, and that I wanted his opinion before I made a final decision.  He went off on me about how traditional he is, and that because they are HIS kids they should have his last name no matter what.  Even after admitting that it would be better for the kids to have my last name he kept arguing about it...  The thing is, he's only trying to see our daughter once a month or so and only for an hour or so at a time.  He doesn't call regularly, has not been to one doctor's appointment for our son since before I filed for divorce, and he's not paying child support.  He keeps talking about how I'm getting everything, and he's being left with nothing.  I've more or less given up on explaining that I'm trying to let him be as involved as much as possible, and that while I get all the extra time with the kids, I'm also the one who is providing everything for them that they need.

 

Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent.  Thanks for listening (well, reading...).

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Re: Well... That was unpleasant

  • htomeohtomeo member
    I guess I am a traditionalist, because I would never think of changing DS's last name. But then again, I don't know your background story.
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  • cemacmilcemacmil

    imagebeccaga16:
    I feel that logistically and emotionally it is better for the children to have the last name of the primary care giver. If he is barely involved I think having your name is best.

    This.

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  • DaringMissDaringMiss member
    It may not be legally possible for you to change your child's last name without your ex's consent.  You should discuss this issue with a family law attorney in your state.
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  • ahill1889ahill1889 member
    If he had any custody I would need his consent, but I have full custody.  In California I can do it because of that.
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  • peeps61308peeps61308 member
    I cannot imagine that you thougth that your EX would be agreeable to your changing their last names, so I am unsure why you even bought it up to him for his "opinion." Take some time and decide what you want to do. If you decide to change them, then do so (if you can).
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  • MominatorMominator
    Honestly, unless he is some abusive a-hole, I think changing the kids name is just a shiity thing to do. I've never had the same last name as my son and in 16 years it has never caused a problem.
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