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this is so hard

clichequeenclichequeen
in Single Parents

I have been separated for two months, and STBXH officially moved out yesterday.  Up until this point, I have felt so strong in my decision and felt nothing but anger and resentment towards him.  Now that it's done, I feel sad and depressed and like I'm falling apart. 

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Re: this is so hard

  • fairyfey10fairyfey10
    It gets easier as time passes.  Stay strong.
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  • monpetitechouchou01monpetitechouchou01

    When my relationship with my baby's father ended I had just found out I was pregnant and I went through quite a tumultuous ending of the relationship. At first I was angry & hurt.. then really depressed for quite a while. Its been almost two months later and I had to DRAG myself out of bed every day. One evening someone at the restaurant had sweetly suggested I come back again next time with "my husband" since I always went alone. I finally explained to the woman that I wasn't married. Perhaps it was cathartic for me to just tell someone the story. However, I couldn't help the tears that came down my face as I walked home. I was pregnant for the first time in my life, it wasn't the best experience of my life like everyone imagines, and I was alone.

    I still feel that way quite a bit but now its different... now that time has passed I'm no longer as depressed. Feeling that way is normal because you've lost something--whether it be the idea of a happy family that you always hoped to provide your child--or the idea of a loving relationship with a husband--- whatever it is you've lost something and its not easy to go from sadness to happiness right away. Let yourself grieve but then force yourself to get up and out! I began with dragging myself to see Hugo by myself at the theater. Again, I was a little sad but then I enjoyed it. Then I booked a spa day ... and now I'm slowly getting back to the things I've enjoyed: spending time with my family and friends like usual. If you need a buddy don't hesitate to contact me! 

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  • jenny2508jenny2508
    I promise you that it will get easier.  My STBXH moved out when I was 2 months pregnant and I felt like my whole world was going to fall apart.  I have to tell you that ever since my son was born, it makes me realize more and more that I have made the right decision.  Hang in there and be strong.  You will be fine!
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  • clichequeenclichequeen

    Thank you all.  It's very helpful to hear encouraging words from people who have been through this.  My family and friends try to be supportive, but I feel like they expect me to be strong, so it almost makes it harder - like I have to put on an act that i'm ok when i'm not.

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  • LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member
    I will promise you that the sting of the pain never FULLY goes away but it does get a ton easier. You will have days where you regret your decision but just know that you never would have made the final decision in the first place if you did not know in your heart that you were doing the best thing for you and your LO. By staying strong and moving forward with your decision you are creating a better life for LO and yourself. It's still early for you and it's only been 2 months for me as well. It hurts and it's tough but the days do get easier and you will love and enjoy life so much more. Stay strong.
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  • achase123achase123
    HUGS.  You're going to have your moments of up and down.  We ALL do.  Give yourself a break.  Go do something nice for yourself, even if it's just grabbing your favorite coffee or a reading a trashy magazine.  Nurture yourself during the difficult times and allow yourself to feel what you need to.  It's a process.
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  • intdesigner925intdesigner925

    I wasnt married to my ex but we were together 9 years since I was 16. To me he the one and we were going to start a family (well we do have a baby on the way) etc. but he ended things with me last month stating unhappiness and pretty much started a new relationship with someone else soon after and let me tell ya it was rough for the first few weeks. I couldnt eat, sleep, and I cried all day. Its hard to go from loving and being best friends with someone to basically ignoring one another as though we never met. Took me awhile but days are better now I just realized I cannot control how he feels but I can control how I feel, I choose not to be sad anymore and move on no matter how hard it will be. He does not determine my happiness and I have so much to look forward specifically the birth of our daughter and I dont want her seeing me sad all the time. Its really good to have support in these situations and my mom has been a big help amongst others.

    I know it may be hard for you but little by little it will get better, I still have my days but ive learned to just try and look ahead and not look back. May not seem like it but it will get better. Like others suggested I would get out and do things you have interest in and connect with family and friends because that really helps.

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  • cemacmilcemacmil
    imageclichequeen:

    Thank you all.  It's very helpful to hear encouraging words from people who have been through this.  My family and friends try to be supportive, but I feel like they expect me to be strong, so it almost makes it harder - like I have to put on an act that i'm ok when i'm not.

    Even though it took me almost a year to realize it, along with some therapy, it's ok not to be or feel strong all the time. True, I am sure you don't want to feel/look the the person who is falling apart all the time to all your family and friends - but you need to be honest not only with yourself but them too. Even if it is just your parents or a couple of friends.

    I have tried to be very honest to my parents about my feelings and sometimes when stuff hits the fan - if they ask or I offer sometimes I do reply with "no, actually I am not ok." And that is ok.

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