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Holy crap. Transition from one child to two children...

brewcitybridebrewcitybride
in Parenting

is really rocking my world. I now have a 5 week old and an almost three year old. The 5 week old is a pretty chill baby, obviously we are tired, but everything else baby-wise is going great.

The three year old has turned into a crazy person. She's always been a super assertive, independent little thing, but now it's kind of insane. I think she is just now realizing the baby is here to stay. She's started doing naughty things like throwing huge tantrums over things like not being able to bite her father (yeah, fun, never did that before) to drawing on the floor with marker, to turning the microwave on with nothing in it (she can't reach it, she actually went and got a chair and stood on it and did this).

I know this is a transition stage. I know this too shall pass. But I am nursing the baby, and probably will be for quite a few more months. I cherish the relationship I have with my toddler, and I am trying not to resent her for making our days lately quite nightmarish. We try and do special things just for her, like having special Mommy and Daddy time. She's at the zoo right now with her Dad. But it seems to only help in the moment, and not when we are all at home just doing daily things.

So Mom's of more than one child - tell me when your older child calmed down and things became a TINY bit more manageable!!!

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Re: Holy crap. Transition from one child to two children...

  • AnnapolisLariAnnapolisLari member
    I know the feeling and I wish I could be more specific. The first few months were pretty much a blur.
    AKA KnittyB*tch
    DS - December 2006
    DD - December 2008

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  • eclaireseclaires member

    My kids' age difference is a little bit bigger - my son was 2 weeks away from 4 when my daughter was born.  And to be honest, up until she was a year old, it was pretty easy b/c he understood that she was a baby, there was very little jealousy or attitude, etc.  But now that she's 15m and he's 5, I kind of want to tear my hair out on a daily basis - he's jealous and frustrated b/c she's kind of an assh0le and there's not much you can do with a 15m old besides redirection and obviously he gets in more trouble when he does something wrong.  And she tries to destroy his things and can be pretty mean to him b/c she's a stage 5 clinger on me so she gets mad if he wants to sit with me or whatever (of course, I tell her no, and put her down, but still - she's mean).

    My BFF has a 3.5 year old and a 6m old, so similar to your kids' age difference.  I think her son (the 3.5YO) has finally started to settle down but the first few months were rough.

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  • JOEBunnyJOEBunny member
    It got a lot better for us when DS quit BF at 15 months.  That first year was hard.  DS never slept more than 2 or 3 hours at a time until 11 months.  I had a neck injury too that made it hard to get them out, since lifting them to put them in car seat and pushing the stroller was shear agony.  It is much better now.  I relied on friends a lot for playdates to keep me sane and DD occupied. 
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  • ilovemygirlsilovemygirls member

    I had a very hard transition to two children.  My second was also pretty easy but my older one (2.5 at the time) was a total nightmare.  I agree that doing the 'special' or one on one things really kind of only help in the moment.  My oldest would have preferred being an only child, I think- she's 7 now & I still see a lot of competition in her w/the younger one.  Part of my issue is that I didn't grow up w/siblings anywhere near my age so I don't know what is 'normal'.  People tell me the fighting between them is normal, so I guess I'll go w/that but it drives me insane.  I think I am still transitioning :) 

    Honestly though, my oldest watched a looooot of TV when the baby was young & I was nursing & such.  Just do whatever you need to do to get through.  I think the really bad tantrums & such w/the older ones subsided after a few months- but then again, she was headed into the 3's which are a VERY difficult age, IMO and they start asserting a lot of attitude & independence anyway.  

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  • surprise3rdsurprise3rd
    Mine were two years apart, and I think it made it a little easier.  My DS1 was still basically a baby himself.  Like a PP said, the first 6-8 months were still a blur.  It should get easier.  Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
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  • KatieLG04KatieLG04
    I only have one, but age 3 is very difficult.  I think it's great you are getting her out for special time.  One of my friends thought she had ruined her 2.5 years old life when she had another baby.  They are great now a year later :)
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  • MaddysMama07MaddysMama07 member
    Months 2-4 were a nightmare for us. It got much better after that.
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  • sunandsandsunandsand
    I'm there right now...I have a 3 week old and my 27 monther is a total turd right now. We are trying to stick to his routine, but we are also using dvds for distraction right now. I'm Hoping the new xmas toys will keep him busy for a while. no advice, but I sympathize!
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  • esposa38esposa38 member
    Mine are about that same age gap apart. To be brutally honest, the first six months were pretty rotten altogether; BUT each month got a bit easier than the last. I've kind of blocked it all out at this point. Just as the older was starting to be cool again, the baby got mobile and started getting into his stuff and all, so then we had another spell. fWIW, I tried all the "make your first born feel special" stuff, but --for MY kid, at least-- the more I tried to make a fuss about him, the more attention he craved and the worse his behavior got, once I figured it out and laid down the law and the limits, and enforced them consistently, he came around. It was a few months of hell and a few months of tough love, but we all survived and made it out alive. Good luck and keep the faith!! I definitely know your pain. :)
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  • adri77adri77 member
    I think at 3 months.  And then your baby will become mobile and everything will get crazy again.  I currently have a 5 week old, 3 year old and 5 year old.  I feel MUCH more calm and confident about this new addition and it hasn't been as earth shattering of a change as last time.  But I know once baby starts moving around, it will be crazy!  I'm cherishing these few months!!!  GL!!!
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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member

    When I read posts like these, I always wonder why people think the 3 year gap is easier than a 1 year gap. I'm glad I bypassed these kinds of issues!

    To offer advice-I think that you're doing the right things by giving your oldest special time when you can. She will adjust quickly as she is pretty young.

    GL and hang in there! It will get a lot more fun as baby grows and you see their sibling relationship develop. It's so sweet to watch.

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