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Preemies
sassafras007
member
Not sure where to post this... Preemie guilt, now pregnant with 2nd...
sassafras007
member
in Preemies
I am not sure where to post this so I will start here. If there is somewhere better please let me know.
DD was born at 34 weeks due to pre-e via c/s after 48 hour failed induction...
She was in the NICU 16 days.
I have always felt the end of my pregnancy was taken from me...
I was unable to breastfeed her due to all the complications.
Things are much better now and she is a pretty healthy almost 2 year old.
I am pregnant again and hoping for a VBAC and more typical birth story... probably for my own selfish reasons more than anything. If I have to do another c/s I will but its not really in the plan. I also plan to try breastfeeding again.
I am starting to feel my guilt come back again (If it gets too bad I am planning to talk to someone but wanted to start here first)
What if I get to do all these typical things with this baby that I did not get to do with DD?
Anyone feel this way? Thanks in advance for the help!
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Re: Not sure where to post this... Preemie guilt, now pregnant with 2nd...
I just had DS one...not even thinking of number two yet...but I often wonder what mind set I will have when I look to any future children and birth experiences. I still feel some guilt with how this pregnancy went. And there is a chance that any future pregnancies will follow the same path and I know I will be put on medicine(s) right away...it scares me.
In your case, be thankful for the opportunity to have a healthy pregnancy that goes smoothly!
I know exactly how you feel...I get very mixed feeling on this...I sometimes feel like it's not fair that Cam and I didn't have that experience BUT I also think it brought us so much closer and I'm afraid I won't love this LO as much as him. He is everything to me.
I struggled with some guilt too. My DD was born16 weeks early and spent all 16 of those weeks in the hospital, most of the time with tubes and wires in her. Missing out on the late pregnancy experiences and the newborn and breastfeeding experiences was really hard for me. Now that I'm pregnant again (and getting closer to the time when my daughter was born), I'm feeling anxious that I still won't get the pregnancy I want and I feel guilty for making it about me.
These feelings are common. One thing that helped me was to look at the experiences I got that some full-term mothers don't get: I got to see my daughter early; I got to hold hear earlier than expected. It doesn't make everything better, but it helps. I had to learn to consider every pregnancy and child as unique. Your pregnancy is unique, even if similar things happen again. Your experiences with your child are unique.
You will still get to do special things with this baby. One suggestion: stop listening to other people's full-term experiences. It doesn't help.
DS1 was a 26-weeker and DS2 was a 35-weeker with no NICU time (1 wk in intermediate nursery.)
I'm not sure exactly what you're asking. Are you saying that you feel bad you didn't get do to the "typical" things with DD1?
I think it's normal to want a normal, healthy pregnancy. To leave the hospital with a healthy baby, to be able to breastfeed, to not have to worry about preemie issues.
I also think though, you have to accept the family God gives you. Sure, we all want a healthy pregnancy - but we have to be thankful for what we have and do the best we can. You did your best with DD1 and you'll do your best with #2 and that's all you can do.
My oldest was a 26 weeker, and I now have a 5 week old (a 35 weeker who spent one night in the NICU for observation, who is EBF, etc.. so very "typical" so far.)
I think with two kids, there are going to be differences no matter what. I go back and forth a bit. On the one hand, Robbie had a LOT of struggles that obviously Charlotte hasn't. And her birth did bring some of that back. Watching her get her heals stuck (she had jaundice issues) was hard, but I kept thinking "Well, Robbie went through a lot worse." And it definitely did cause some PTSD issues for me for a time.
But on the other hand, sometimes I go the other way. Robbie got me to himself for 3.5 years. When he came home from the hospital, I could sit with him all day and just devote myself to whatever he needed.
Charlotte doesn't get that. She sometimes has to cry for a minute while I put Robbie to bed or tend to a boo-boo or make him lunch.
In the end, I think being a mom means feeling guilty and wishing things could be better and easier for our kids. The prematurity aspect just accentuates that.
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