Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
sassafras007
member
Re: Not sure where to post this... Preemie guilt, now pregnant with 2nd...
I just had DS one...not even thinking of number two yet...but I often wonder what mind set I will have when I look to any future children and birth experiences. I still feel some guilt with how this pregnancy went. And there is a chance that any future pregnancies will follow the same path and I know I will be put on medicine(s) right away...it scares me.
In your case, be thankful for the opportunity to have a healthy pregnancy that goes smoothly!
I know exactly how you feel...I get very mixed feeling on this...I sometimes feel like it's not fair that Cam and I didn't have that experience BUT I also think it brought us so much closer and I'm afraid I won't love this LO as much as him. He is everything to me.
I struggled with some guilt too. My DD was born16 weeks early and spent all 16 of those weeks in the hospital, most of the time with tubes and wires in her. Missing out on the late pregnancy experiences and the newborn and breastfeeding experiences was really hard for me. Now that I'm pregnant again (and getting closer to the time when my daughter was born), I'm feeling anxious that I still won't get the pregnancy I want and I feel guilty for making it about me.
These feelings are common. One thing that helped me was to look at the experiences I got that some full-term mothers don't get: I got to see my daughter early; I got to hold hear earlier than expected. It doesn't make everything better, but it helps. I had to learn to consider every pregnancy and child as unique. Your pregnancy is unique, even if similar things happen again. Your experiences with your child are unique.
You will still get to do special things with this baby. One suggestion: stop listening to other people's full-term experiences. It doesn't help.
DS1 was a 26-weeker and DS2 was a 35-weeker with no NICU time (1 wk in intermediate nursery.)
I'm not sure exactly what you're asking. Are you saying that you feel bad you didn't get do to the "typical" things with DD1?
I think it's normal to want a normal, healthy pregnancy. To leave the hospital with a healthy baby, to be able to breastfeed, to not have to worry about preemie issues.
I also think though, you have to accept the family God gives you. Sure, we all want a healthy pregnancy - but we have to be thankful for what we have and do the best we can. You did your best with DD1 and you'll do your best with #2 and that's all you can do.
My oldest was a 26 weeker, and I now have a 5 week old (a 35 weeker who spent one night in the NICU for observation, who is EBF, etc.. so very "typical" so far.)
I think with two kids, there are going to be differences no matter what. I go back and forth a bit. On the one hand, Robbie had a LOT of struggles that obviously Charlotte hasn't. And her birth did bring some of that back. Watching her get her heals stuck (she had jaundice issues) was hard, but I kept thinking "Well, Robbie went through a lot worse." And it definitely did cause some PTSD issues for me for a time.
But on the other hand, sometimes I go the other way. Robbie got me to himself for 3.5 years. When he came home from the hospital, I could sit with him all day and just devote myself to whatever he needed.
Charlotte doesn't get that. She sometimes has to cry for a minute while I put Robbie to bed or tend to a boo-boo or make him lunch.
In the end, I think being a mom means feeling guilty and wishing things could be better and easier for our kids. The prematurity aspect just accentuates that.
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