Can we obliterate "you just wait" and "you'll see"?

kristin172429 · December 2011

If one more person tells me "you just wait" or "you'll see" to me about having and/or raising a baby, I'm gonna bop them! This has got to be the most annoying thing other people have done since I got pregnant. Yes, I will "see" - I will see my own experience with my own child - not yours, not anyone else's. Every person is different, as is every birth and every baby.

I'm not saying that there is not value in learning from other's experiences, but the intent is never to teach when these words are used. It is always said with the "because I have already been there so I know better" kind of tone. Does it make people feel better when they do that? I just don't get it. It's like they want us to feel overwhelmed or lost or crazy labor pains or whatever else we are supposed to "see" or "wait" for. How does this in any way help a new mother embrace her birth experience or the new role as mom? It feels so backwards to me. How about some encouragement instead of ominous warnings, people?

pinksweetpea2 · December 2011

Although I think it often (you can't help it- you'll see ), I never say it. It is obnoxious and presumptuous.

I do understand why people do it...I have to make a conscious effort not to do it and if someone doesn't realize how obnoxious it is, they probably do it without even thinking.

Punkinedibride · December 2011

Oh my gosh that was the number one most annoying statement people would make when I was pregnant with my first! Some people even do it now when referring to having more than one child!!!!

poobear2015 · December 2011

I don't have a lot of people saying it - just mainly one in particular. I almost want to retort, "Oh, you think your gonna be in the birthing room? You think your gonna practically live at our place for the first few weeks after b/c you will wanna see her 24/7? Haha - just wait! you'll see....." hahaha

jengsu2004 · December 2011

kristin172429:

If one more person tells me "you just wait" or "you'll see" to me about having and/or raising a baby, I'm gonna bop them! This has got to be the most annoying thing other people have done since I got pregnant. Yes, I will "see" - I will see my own experience with my own child - not yours, not anyone else's. Every person is different, as is every birth and every baby.

I'm not saying that there is not value in learning from other's experiences, but the intent is never to teach when these words are used. It is always said with the "because I have already been there so I know better" kind of tone. Does it make people feel better when they do that? I just don't get it. It's like they want us to feel overwhelmed or lost or crazy labor pains or whatever else we are supposed to "see" or "wait" for. How does this in any way help a new mother embrace her birth experience or the new role as mom? It feels so backwards to me. How about some encouragement instead of ominous warnings, people?

I get very annoyed with that too, and the one thing I have found that shuts them up is when I say, "I am choosing to focus on the positives and am going into this with a positive attitude and an open mind." I say it very happily with a huge smile on my face, and they never seem to know what to say back. Gets 'em every time!

ClaireBear90 · December 2011

jengsu2004:
kristin172429:

If one more person tells me "you just wait" or "you'll see" to me about having and/or raising a baby, I'm gonna bop them! This has got to be the most annoying thing other people have done since I got pregnant. Yes, I will "see" - I will see my own experience with my own child - not yours, not anyone else's. Every person is different, as is every birth and every baby.

I'm not saying that there is not value in learning from other's experiences, but the intent is never to teach when these words are used. It is always said with the "because I have already been there so I know better" kind of tone. Does it make people feel better when they do that? I just don't get it. It's like they want us to feel overwhelmed or lost or crazy labor pains or whatever else we are supposed to "see" or "wait" for. How does this in any way help a new mother embrace her birth experience or the new role as mom? It feels so backwards to me. How about some encouragement instead of ominous warnings, people?

I get very annoyed with that too, and the one thing I have found that shuts them up is when I say, "I am choosing to focus on the positives and am going into this with a positive attitude and an open mind." I say it very happily with a huge smile on my face, and they never seem to know what to say back. Gets 'em every time!

Great idea!

MigenMigen · December 2011

I usually interrupt and say something like "Shhh! Quit spoiling the surprise for me!" as soon as they start in on it. Its such an oddball answer that whoever is talking usually shuts up.

nonoemily · December 2011

I HATE THIS. It really gets under my skin for some reason, especially because I am so laid back about a lot of baby related things. When someone tell me, "Oh, just you wait, you'll change your mind about XYZ..."

I usually answer, "Gee, Thanks for sharing you psychic abilities with me. Is there anything else you'd like to predict for me today, oh wise one?" Super Angry

natalie_wn@yahoo.com · December 2011

I also vote we add "Oh, your life is going to change." Umm, obviously. That's the whole point.

sparks2987 · December 2011

I agree, if you wanna help a FTM or share your experience, give advice on what worked for you during sleepless nights, fussy baby, L&D, breastfeeding ect. Just dont tell me you will never sleep, you just wait, or breastfeeding is harder than you know, you'll see.

Give me something usefull not something that is going to make me feel like it is impossible. I will learn just as every mom before me has, but your rude comments arent helping.

tdc2012 · December 2011

UGH! i hate that too! what is the point in warnings like that? its all so damn negative. i get more of those comments on a daily basis and then every once in a blue moon someone will have something positive to say. its ridiculous.

jmccall79 · December 2011

My favorite lately is "you not being able to sleep now is nature's way of preparing you for when the baby is here!" I understand that babies cause a mom to get no sleep...I GET IT..but that doesn't take away from the fact that I can't sleep now and I'm exhausted. I don't really care what happens when he's here because that's not where I'm at...I'm "here" "now." I know they mean well, but I swear if one more person tells me this I MAY SCREAM!

jaxlynn · December 2011

pinksweetpea2:
Although I think it often (you can't help it- you'll see ), I never say it. It is obnoxious and presumptuous.
I do understand why people do it...I have to make a conscious effort not to do it and if someone doesn't realize how obnoxious it is, they probably do it without even thinking.

I agree to a point here, it's a bit instinctual to want to give advice, but am also getting the "oh life is so much different with two!" from people, as well. Sadly, this obnoxious habit continues with subsequent pregnancies.

Gem17 · December 2011

This is super annoying especially coming from people I think are not the best parents. "Just wait" until all the labor stories come in. People love to tell you te WHOLE thing horrific or not. It's like they wanna one up the other. Grrr! (do ya like the just wait? Lol)

btartaroind · December 2011

AMEN sister, I HATE HATE HATE this comment. My SIL just had her second. When she was pregnant with her first, "it is so difficultm, you'll see." When I became pregnant and she already had a DD and was pregnant with 2, "it's so much harder with a toddler, you'll see." Now with 2 kids "you'll see you wont get any sleep."

OMG stoppit! I never ever complain in front of her because I figure it will discount all of her previous "you'll see"s. UGH! Since we are both having boys 3 months apart, I am preparing to hear this their entire lives. "Just wait until he's 6 months," "Just wait until he's walking."

greeneyed_bride · December 2011

This is actually a running joke between DH and me and our best friends. They just had a baby in October, and she HATED when people said that to her while she was still pregnant. So now every time we see them, they say "you just wait!" along with some ridiculous comment about having a baby. It actually makes me laugh now when people say that to me in real life, because I picture my friend's husband putting on his most serious face to say, "You just wait. You don't KNOW what love is."

AttyMomma28 · December 2011

YES! I have a friend whose first child is almost a year. Somehow this makes her an expert. She's a close friend and didn't have the easiest pregnancy but still. At the beginning she told me pregnancy would "get worse" and now it's all "just wait until he's here and you are so tired." I really don't want to focus on all the bad parts when there are enough good ones to go around.

greeneyed_bride · December 2011

I don't know about anyone else, but people did this to me before I got married (and right after), too. Every single time my husband did anything nice for me, one of my former coworkers (who was in a completely miserable marriage) would say "You just wait until you've been married for a few years - he won't be doing that anymore." Now that DH and I are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary and he's still nice to me (gasp!), I think she has finally realized that I'm not married to her husband - I'm married to mine. I'm not sure what it is about people that they want you to be unhappy, but it's kind of pathetic.

punkfiction_v.3 · December 2011

if you dont act like a know it all to begin with then people wont say that

greeneyed_bride · December 2011

punkfiction_v.3:
if you dont act like a know it all to begin with then people wont say that

Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine this morning! I can't speak for anyone else, but the only times people have said that to me have been when I wasn't even talking about any child/baby "theories." It's usually more along the lines of someone saying, "How are you feeling?" Me saying, "I'm feeling well! A little tired, but overall, I feel great!" and them saying, "You think you're tired now, you just wait until you have a baby! You don't know what tired is!" Why exactly is that necessary? It's not as if I don't know I'll be more tired once the baby comes.

The other time I hear it is when a child somewhere is crying/throwing a fit, and someone will turn to me (while I'm minding my own business) and say, "You just wait. See what you have to look forward to?"

FirstSchatz · December 2011

greeneyed_bride:
punkfiction_v.3:
if you dont act like a know it all to begin with then people wont say that
Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine this morning! I can't speak for anyone else, but the only times people have said that to me have been when I wasn't even talking about any child/baby "theories." It's usually more along the lines of someone saying, "How are you feeling?" Me saying, "I'm feeling well! A little tired, but overall, I feel great!" and them saying, "You think you're tired now, you just wait until you have a baby! You don't know what tired is!" Why exactly is that necessary? It's not as if I don't know I'll be more tired once the baby comes.
The other time I hear it is when a child somewhere is crying/throwing a fit, and someone will turn to me (while I'm minding my own business) and say, "You just wait. See what you have to look forward to?"

I agree with this... I don't find I get these comments because I'm "being a know-it-all". I get them when people ask me how I'm feeling!! I've stopped telling them I'm tired or sore or whatever. I just say I feel great, and I plan to enjoy it!

sparks2987 · December 2011

yes I agree, it is not because I am a "know it all" I am the first to admitt I dont know alot about having babies I am a FTM, but how is "you just wait" or "you'll see" helping me in ANY way? These comments usually come from random people who are feeling sorry for thier situation and want to make me feel bad for what is to come. When that situation gets here, I will deal with it then. warning me about it now doesnt help, unless you are going to give me some advice on what worked for you or something that might actually help instead of just pointing what is to come. I dont want to hear it.

I dont expect it to be a ray of sunshine all the time, nothing in life is ever puppies and rainbows all the time.

lawmom2be · December 2011

pinksweetpea2:

Although I think it often (you can't help it- you'll see ), I never say it. It is obnoxious and presumptuous.

I do understand why people do it...I have to make a conscious effort not to do it and if someone doesn't realize how obnoxious it is, they probably do it without even thinking.

Ditto 100%. I laugh inside myself when I hear some women's plans for childbirth/child-rearing etc. I never say it though. I had a friend who wanted to use GLASS bottles for her son bc she didn't want that much plastic in the house. ROTFLMFO!!!! Your house turns into a plastic warehouse once you have kids!!! Needless to say, the child is 4 months old and he gets 100% plastic bottles. She hasn't used the glass since week #2. Live and learn....but seriously, don't be a cocky "I know everything" first time mom and you won't get those remarks as much.

bluejayway · December 2011

I get this a lot from people, too, especially now that I am having my second. "Oh, you thought the first was hard." "You'll see how crazy life can get." "Mark my words...the first will seem easy."

Really? I've definitely had enough of it.

kristin172429 · December 2011

lawmom2be:
pinksweetpea2:

Although I think it often (you can't help it- you'll see ), I never say it. It is obnoxious and presumptuous.

I do understand why people do it...I have to make a conscious effort not to do it and if someone doesn't realize how obnoxious it is, they probably do it without even thinking.

Ditto 100%. I laugh inside myself when I hear some women's plans for childbirth/child-rearing etc. I never say it though. I had a friend who wanted to use GLASS bottles for her son bc she didn't want that much plastic in the house. ROTFLMFO!!!! Your house turns into a plastic warehouse once you have kids!!! Needless to say, the child is 4 months old and he gets 100% plastic bottles. She hasn't used the glass since week #2. Live and learn....but seriously, don't be a cocky "I know everything" first time mom and you won't get those remarks as much.

Don't worry - no one is being a "know-it-all FTM" here. I'm doing my best to educate myself with the tools available, but I make no preconceptions. I know that books and reality are very different things. If I was being a "know-it-all", I would probably deserve a little bit of "you'll see" or "you just wait", but I really don't have to say anything at all! It's like people want to show you that they've earned their stripes in motherhood and they just can't resist the urge. Sometimes I wonder if it is their payback for everyone saying it to them when they were pregnant.

All I know is that I will make an effort to not plague other pregnant women with these obnoxious phrases! I will do my best to compliment them on how great they look, tell them they will be a wonderful mother - however they decide to birth or raise their child, and let them know that no matter how worried/anxious/etc they may be about having a baby, that they have an inner strength and determination that will surprise even them and they should feel proud. I will try and think of all of the things I wish people were saying to me and make sure to share those positive thoughts instead!

raefre · December 2011

greeneyed_bride:

The other time I hear it is when a child somewhere is crying/throwing a fit, and someone will turn to me (while I'm minding my own business) and say, "You just wait. See what you have to look forward to?"

It is always at this comment that I just tell them I'm going to duct tape my kid's mouth shut. I say it so often that I'm surprised people didn't give me rolls of duct tape at my shower.

(Oh, I'm from Jan 2012 though more of a lurker. Thanks for letting me butt in.)

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