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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Would this bother you? Daycare and nap time
LO goes to daycare 5 days a week. Naptime has always been a little bit of a struggle for us, on the weekends I usually have to bounce around the room with LO for 15 min before she falls asleep for a nap. Not too bad but the bouncing is essential, she has never been the kind of baby where I could just put her in her crib and she would fall asleep.
Lately we have been having some troubles getting LO to sleep for bedtime. It would take DH and I over an hour sometimes to get her settled. I'm not comfortable with CIO, so I started reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. So far I really like it. We've been trying to put LO to bed earlier and get into a routine. I needed to find out what the DC provider does to get Maddy to sleep, so I texted her this evening and asked (DH does the drop offs/pick ups so I rarely see the daycare provider). She says that when LO seems sleepy she puts her down in the crib. She said she lets LO cry for 5 min and then she usually settles and goes to sleep. If she cries longer than 5 min she said she checks to see if she wants more of a bottle.
This probably shouldn't bother me but it really does. I don't let LO CIO for 5 min ever... because I am not comfortable with it. But can I really expect a daycare provider to bounce around the room with LO until she is sleepy enough where she can doze off herself after being put in the crib? Maybe I should have asked earlier about the nap routine, but I kind of feel I should have been asked about if its OK to CIO some for nap time.
Would this scenario bother you? So those of you that send you baby to daycare, how do they put LO down for a nap?
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Re: Would this bother you? Daycare and nap time
I think you said it best:
But can I really expect a daycare provider to bounce around the room with LO until she is sleepy enough where she can doze off herself after being put in the crib?
She has a job to do and other kids to take care of. She didn't leave LO for an extended peirod of time.
For me, I made it a goal to address LO's nap issues before he goes to daycare (I am lucky, he wont go until he is a year old). You didn't have this luxury. Your DCP is doing what she has to do to get on with her day.
You may be against CIO, but it seems to have worked for your LO. Many kids CIO for 10, 20,30 minutes. Yours only CIO for 5.
If it were me, I would be doing CIO (which I also am not a fan of, but did it and it worked for my kid) at home to get back to a somewhat normal homelife. If you and your H are o.k. with it taking an hour+ to get LO to sleep then more power to you.
But bottom line, I would not be upset with DCP. You didn't discuss it with her ahead of time, and she seems to have done a good job at getting LO to sleep.
Oh get over yourself. My post was not overly opinionated or trollish. Keep your snarky comments to yourself. Theres a way to say things so that you don't offend people
This is the truth. But I promise you her crying for 5 minutes to settle down for a nap will not harm her in the least.
It's just like when (if) you have a second kid. Poor Hannah had to cry a lot more than Madison ever did and I am her mother home with her, not a daycare provider with several children. It's a simple matter of only being one person and not making Madison feel like I was going to stop whatever it was with her the second Hannah started crying.
I agree. Like I said, I understand why they have to do it at a daycare, but its personally not something I am comfortable doing myself at this point. I will probably have to learn to live with it for naps though while she is at daycare
I hear you. As a mother, anything that you are not completely comfortable with is going to make your heart sink a little. We did CIO with both of our girls... but still when Maddie was in daycare for the short time I went back to work it still tore me up to hear she had a bad day and cried. Trust your gut- if you really like your DCP then I'm sure she is doing everything she can to take care of your child lovingly
Thank you!
I agree- I don't consider crying for 5 minutes before falling asleep as CIO.
No- it wouldn't bother me at all. I don't use CIO (yet!) for DD#3 but she often cries for 5 minutes while I go to the bathroom, or am getting dressed, or fixing my older kids some lunch.
To me this is not upsetting or cause for concern.
I was just thinking this. 5 minutes of crying or fussing does not constitute CIO. You are overreacting. Plus, your baby slept! An 8 month old should not take so much soothing to fall asleep. They should be able to do it on their own by now.
I would be really upset. IMO purposely letting her cry to get her to sleep is a parenting call. You should have been asked.
Crying that is incidental to daycare/other kids to take care of/etc is a completely different situation. But it sounds like her PLAN is- let LO cry for x amount of time to fall asleep. It doesn't matter to me that it is "only 5 minutes."
Honestly, I think you should reconsider your opinion on this issue. Your provider is setting your child up for healthy sleep habits and you are making the situation more complicated than it should be. She has learned to soothe herself at daycare; bouncing her around at home is actually making it difficult for her to fall asleep.
Go through a normal bed time routine, book, bath, song or whatever you prefer. Then lay her down in her crib, leave the room, give her five minutes and see what happens. If she still fusses after five minutes go in and tell her she is "fine" then leave the room, don't pick her up, just use your voice. Eventually, when you lay her down she wont fuss at all because she will know what to expect at daycare and at home. Wouldn't you rather do this now than have her confused and fussy for a longer period of time?
I agree with this! It is your call as a parent if you want your LO to cry to fall asleep. Do not feel like you are a bad mom because you choose to help your LO fall asleep. CIO or not - it is your choice. Don't let random people on the internet make you feel like following your instincts is wrong for your baby. Talk to your DCP and see if you can work something out. Perhaps your LO should nap a little later so she's more tired are falls asleep more easily.
To the PPs who agree that crying is "incidental" to daycare but then say there should be no crying at naptime: why is crying before sleep in a special category? Why it is okay for her to cry for five minutes because she's hungry? To me, that's worse, because my baby can't feed herself but she can fall asleep on her own if she's tired.
What are you proposing the OP say to the DCP: I don't want my baby to cry ever? It's not realistic. "CIO" has become such a dirty word that I think some PPs seem to think ANY crying associated with sleep is bad.
No, it wouldn't bother me because that is pretty much what we do for naps at home. I put him down when he gives me sleepy cues and sometimes he'll fuss for 5 mins or so, but then he'll settle down and sleep.
If he's really crying like something is wrong I will go check him, but if he is just whining and fussing I let him go.
Amen to this! This is exactly what we do and we have a fabulous sleeper.
Honestly, it wouldn't bother me. I would just be happy your LO is napping at DC. It seems to be a huge problem around here. For us, the issue was they were swaddling to get her to sleep there. You know what, it works, she doesn't expect it at home, and she naps. Nuff said.--Weird part is she has NEVER been swaddled to sleep. Not even for bedtime.
(I have tried this at home to see if it would work for us, and it doesn't)
We don't CIO and the thought of doing it with our daughter makes me uncomfortable but I'm going to agree with the PPs who said that 5 minutes probably doesn't constitute crying it out.
Both of these quotes seem a little extreme to be (as someone who doesn't even do CIO, once again). Yes, when your baby is in your care, at night, get her to sleep however you want/can, but I really don't think you can expect daycare providers to do the same. If you had a nanny, sure, I'd be telling you to tell her how you want your baby put down for a nap, but unfortunately that's not the case with a DCP.
Honestly, if someone was putting DD to sleep and letting her cry it would probably make my heart sink because that's not what I would do, but if she went to a DCP I'd have to suck it up. I don't think they're doing any harm to her and other posters on this board shouldn't make you feel like they are or that you should make a scene to them. Something serious might come up at daycare someday and you don't want to nitpick over everything. Her crying for a few minutes at daycare might make it easier for you to put her to bed at night too.
I just think that when your LO is in daycare he or she will have to cry at some point because there are other babies to take care of. It's not a 1-to-1 ratio. I think it's rude of other posters to add fuel to your fire instead of trying to reassure you. Your LO will be just fine!
If my kid cries while another baby is being changed/fed/comforted/whatever, they talk to him, give him a toy, tell him they will be right there, then pick him up and comfort him- they don't just put him down and let him cry.
If you're fine with 5 minutes of crying, fine, whatever. Your kid your choice, I respect that (truly, I do- that's not snark, I really think sleep training works best for some families). It's not ok with me, and I don't really feel the need to defend that aspect my parenting. OP asked if I would be upset. I would.
And just a side note- this idea that there's always a kid crying at daycare, that it just happens, that they can't possibly keep kids happy, this picture of a harried dcp trying to juggle 47 cranky kids just hasn't played out in my experience. DCPs are professionals. I'm not constantly frazzled and overwhelmed at my job, I expect the same from them. Our DCPs get to know the kids and their routines, and can guide everyone's day so that no one just HAS to cry themselves to sleep. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation.
I think what would bother me in this situation is just that it wasn't discussed with you ahead of time. I know they have other children they need to care for and can only do so much. We don't let DS CIO, but I don't think 5 minutes is going to harm him. Of course I don't like to let him cry that long, but there are nights where he flights sleep and I have to lie him down at some point. There are nights where I have to let him fuss for a while before trying to put him back down.
I would just be more comfortable if they talked with me ahead of time about how they handle things like this. It would be nice to be on the same page with the people that are caring for my child. I think it would be helpful to know how they handle this, so you aren't doing one thing at home while they are doing another thing at DC. Consistency is important to me. I would probably ask them to let me know how they handle situations like this and to just keep me informed. Share your feelings and wishes with them, but be flexible, as they can't bounce your LO like you do at home. I don't think it's too much to ask of them to work with you, since you are paying them to care for your child.
There is nothing wrong with helping your baby fall asleep and if your DCP is choosing to leave LO to cry to sleep (vs. needing to let LO fuss because the provider is busy with another child) that should have been discussed with you. I would be upset.
I am a little confused as to why it didn't come up before, but I'm sure these things happen. If my LO were in daycare, I would want to be clear on their approach to childcare and know how they planned to respond to my child. If, in general, you are happy with their care, then I probably wouldn't be as upset. For me, CIO might be my hill to die on, but I know not everyone feels that way, obviously!
I really don't mean to start a fight about this-- we all have things we don't want to compromise on and this is one of mine. I've read posts where people were upset because DCPs rocked their babies to sleep which undid the sleep training they worked on at home. I can see why that would be upsetting, too.
Thanks ladies, I appreciate the posts. Honestly at this point I really don't have a method for getting LO to sleep, I just kind of go with it. I am not totally against CIO, but it is very hard for me to hear/see LO cry, so at home when I lay her down and if she starts to cry I usually just pick her up and rock her until she does fall asleep.
I was a little peeved at the daycare provider at first, mostly because it broke my heart to think of LO crying alone in the crib, but to be honest, the provider is very sweet and she really is fantastic with LO. And I do trust her. So if LO is able to soothe herself to sleep after 5 min, I am OK with her naptime strategy. She has 3 very sweet teenage girls, and they turned out just fine
Thank you for the posts, I have some things to think about as far as our bedtime routine.