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January 2012 Moms
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Maybe overly dramatic but still want advice.

whitshell810whitshell810 member
in January 2012 Moms

Ok so although our ds is not here yet I do have a concern that I cant seem to get out of my head. My husband is Military and he leaves in April for some training for 3 months so I have decided to take ds and got back home where we are from a month. It will be the first time any of our family will get to see the baby. I will be staying at my dad's house ( My mother just passed away last month so my sister and her family moved into the home to keep him company and they are house hunting) So I am concerned about when I take the baby over to my FIL's house. This is why, he is a smoker who when i was home a few weeks ago felt no need to step away from me when smoking his cigerettes and he smokes in his home, he has a huge dog and he is a really big intro vert. He does not clean the house at all, when we were home for my mothers funeral last month we went to visit and just sitting down on his couch all this dust came up. The magizines on the coffee table had cob webs on them from all the dust and not being cleaned. The is just dirty all together and I know the baby will be 4 months old and will have a stronger immune system but I am still super paranoid.

 The smell of the cigerette smoke has always bothered me and my sinus which can I deal with but the dog hair,dirt and dust just makes me wanna vomit. Do I make him meet me somewhere to see the baby or tell him he needs to clean his house. I really love him like a dad and he is a total sweetheart so I need to know what I should do.

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Re: Maybe overly dramatic but still want advice.

  • mamacat123mamacat123 member

    Well, since third hand smoke (smoke that lingers on clothing, fabric, etc.) has been shown to be just as dangerous as second hand smoke, I would definitely ask your FIL to met you somewhere to meet the baby.  You do not want your little one exposed to all those carcinogens.  Not to mention you have no idea how his dog will react to the baby, and you don't want to put anyone in a potentially dangerous situation.

    I don't think it would be overreacting at all to meet up at a restaurant or have him meet you at your family home! 

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  • jineaujineau
    Maybe your worrying over nothing, maybe your sister and her family have taken it upon them selves to improve their living conditions. Talk to your sister about your concerns. Simply ask your father not to smoke around LO for the time you are there. If nothing has or will change then either cut the trip short and stay at a hotel for the week, or tell them that you won't come at all if there can't be a compromise. People can't read your mind and you can't expect them to, and get mad when nothing changes. Especially men.
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  • whitshell810whitshell810 member
    Its not my fathers home I am concerned about. Its my FIL home. I am staying with my father and sister but clearly I am going to make time for my FIL to meet his new grandson however my husband is use to the living conditions his dad chooses to live in but they have always bothered me and since I am going home without my husband I kind of feel like the choice is up to me, but I dont know how to say to my FIL I dont want to bring my baby to his house because its dirty and his dog has never been around anyone elcept my FIL and my husband. The dog even gets kinda weird around me as well.
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  • baloneydiscbaloneydisc member

    My parents both smoke in their house.  When I got pregnant I told my mom that I wasn't comfortable being around the smoke or bringing baby over to their house. She said she totally understood and wouldn't have brought me and my brother to the house of someone who smoked inside either.  

    I would just let FIL know you're not comfortable having the baby in a smoke filled house and ask where he would like to meet you.  Either he'll understand or he won't, there's not much you can do about it.  I certainly wouldn't tell him he needs to clean his house.

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  • JWSchwarzJWSchwarz member
    It seems like a short visit would be okay, if the dog is kept away from the baby (maybe outside during your visit). But, I wouldn't want to stay there overnight or for more than a couple of hours.
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  • eklangereklanger member
    imageCatD2012:

    Well, since third hand smoke (smoke that lingers on clothing, fabric, etc.) has been shown to be just as dangerous as second hand smoke, I would definitely ask your FIL to met you somewhere to meet the baby.  You do not want your little one exposed to all those carcinogens.  Not to mention you have no idea how his dog will react to the baby, and you don't want to put anyone in a potentially dangerous situation.

    I don't think it would be overreacting at all to meet up at a restaurant or have him meet you at your family home! 

    This.  I would not want to go over there myself and definitely not with a baby.

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