My mom in the delivery room....yeah, not happening!

lamphele · December 2011

So I just got off the phone with my mom and she told me to make sure that I call her as soon as I go to the hospital because she wants to be there when LO is born. She lives 3 1/2 hours away from the hospital and of course I'll call her, but her statement and the way she said it got me. So I clarified, "by being there when she's born you mean at the hospital, in the waiting room, right?" She got very offended and said that it is her right as my mother to be in the room with me when I give birth. I have a very strong opinion in this matter. I feel that DH and I were the only ones there when LO was put in me, and I don't want an extra audience there when she comes out. So now she is throwing a fit, saying that I don't love her, and I'm very hateful for depriving her the chance to see her granddaughter come into the world, etc. Oh well. I don't understand why she would just assume that she would be welcome in the delivery room. Anyone else in the same boat?

Lhand11 · December 2011

Only DH and I are going to be in the delivery room. It is not even a question or up for debate. People actually asked me if anyone else was going to be in there at my shower. Um... No. I think it is weird.

Kristine Schilling · December 2011

lamphele:
She got very offended and said that it is her right as my mother to be in the room with me when I give birth.>.>.>.>I don't understand why she would just assume that she would be welcome in the delivery room. Anyone else in the same boat?

Its not her right... I laughed when I read that part. Explain gently but firmly that you feel this is a private experience for you and DH. You will be happy to have her come in and visit once you are cleaned up and settled, she is welcome to be at the hospital while you deliver but not in the room with you and DH.

My mom and I are very close, and with DD during my PG she and I had to have several conversations about the changes in our relationship. She is no longer your primary support, your DH is. This is natural, but very hard for some moms to understand.

Stick to your guns, do what you want. just try not to hurt her feelings to baddly in the process. She will come around to understanding.

Sascha3 · December 2011

I cannot imagine wanting an audience...mom or not. Well, my mom was in there for my first, but I was an underage single mom and wanted her there. It was one person then, and one person now...my husband.

If you want to lie to her so her feelings are not so hurt I would say it is hospital policy that only one other person can be in there.

JH516 · December 2011

I feel the opposite. I agree that it's not a grandmother's right but a privilege. My mom will be in the room with me because I want her to witness her granddaughter being born. But that's just me.

I hope you find a solution that works for both you and your mom. Good luck!

jkeyros · December 2011

I had my DH, sister, and mom in the delivery room with me when I gave birth to both of my boys and I plan to have the same 3 people for the birth of this little girl. I liked the support that I received having those 3 people in there with me. My husband was like a deer in headlights, especially with our first boy, things were somewhat better with the second boy. You'd think he's be a pro by now!

Eleni&Josh · December 2011

My mom gave me the same guilt trip. I think she's ok now with not being in the delivery room, but she's still not ok with DH and I wanting at least an hour of bonding time with LO before having visitors. How the heck am I supposed to figure out breastfeeding with visitors. I refuse to pull my boobs out in front of any of my family members. It's just plain weird to me. Basically I get the whole we're being selfish crap, and she wishes that she could have had her mother there when she had her children, blah blah blah. It's just not happening. Oh yeah, if I fall asleep right after birth and bonding time, DH isn't allow to call people until I'm awake and ready for visitors.

jineau · December 2011

With my first two there was no question about it, I WANTED MY MOMMY, yes Dh was there too but she was the one who encouraged me to keep pushing when I wanted to give up, she was the pep talk I needed through contraction. My first time I was scared shitless about getting the baby out of me. Now I wish she could be there with me and DH for this one but there's no one else I trust near by to watch our two kids other than her. So her job title had to change this time and DH has to really step it up.

JWSchwarz · December 2011

My mom made a similar comment and I gently explained that the first couple of hours are a really important time for me and the baby to bond, breastfeed for the first time, etc, so we (DH and I) aren't planning on having anyone else there. I was really worried I hurt her feelings, so a couple of days later I made sure to tell her how much I will need her help in the first few weeks after delivery, how grateful I am to have her and her willingness to help, so now she is excited that she will have an important job to do.

lp0 · December 2011

My mom actually doesn't believe anyone should be in the room with me, including dh. I have actually had to yell at her to drop it because dh will be there. I don't want anyone else in there and honestly i don't understand when woman have a crew in there with them. It's a personal choice and that's great if that's what you want but I just feel like it's a special and private time for just dh and I. MIL does not seem to understand this and continues to tell me that she would love to be in the room. I have been very clear that it will just be dh and I but she won't drop it. Unfortunately she doesn't understand boundaries so we are not going to call her when we're on the way to the hospital but rather wait until the baby is born and we are ready for her to visit.

pcrock92 · December 2011

Im having my mom in the room with me, because my SO doesn't know anything about birth and my mom is so comforting! But I think that everyone should feel 100% comfortable while delivering whether that means having only SO in the room, or having SO and 10 family members. Her feeling so entitled would make me want her in the room even less. I would try to explain to her that its your decision and its a special time for you and your SO, and you want it to be as private as possible.

A S-ski · December 2011

Just don't tell her when you are going to the hospital. It is as simple as that. We didn't tell either set of parents until after the baby was here. Seriously, childbirth is not a spectator sport and you won't want anyone at the hospital at all.

lamphele · December 2011

A S-ski:
Just don't tell her when you are going to the hospital. It is as simple as that. We didn't tell either set of parents until after the baby was here. Seriously, childbirth is not a spectator sport and you won't want anyone at the hospital at all.

I do feel like I have to call my mom when I'm heading to the hospital. The in-laws will all know when we're on our way to the hospital because we will be staying with them starting next week until LO gets here. I know it would cause way too much family drama to not tell my mom when the in-laws all know.

AugustSkye · December 2011

My dad was a single parent, so I don't really have to handle a "mom" situation. DH's family is going ga-ga over my pregnancy and the baby, and it drives my dad crazy. This is his first grandchild, but he says that he understands the intimacy of the birth of our children and that DH & I should do what we feel is comfortable. He also says that he will be at the hospital as soon as he gets the call, but he's not so sure he would be comfortable with seeing his daughter shove a child out of her vagina. LOL.

DH's sister assumed she would be in the delivery room, just like she assumed she would be coming to all of our doctor's appointments (?) but after I was about 16 weeks I demanded that DH tell her how it was going to be.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the mama drama, but she will get over it. She might think she will be mad, but I'm sure that will change once your LO gets here!

eklanger · December 2011

Our hospital enforces a 2 hour period after birth for bonding time which means any family that decides to come early has to wait in the waiting room until we are ready. I think this is an awesome policy. does your hospital have a limit to the number or labor coaches? That might make it so only one... your husband... is allowed to be present for the birth.

Personally I would be upset if my mother was throwing a fit about being present because it would be completely unfair for her to ignore my feelings as well as it would put us in a difficult spot explaining why one grandmother but not the other could be in the room. Again, this has to do with the limit to the number of labor coaches allowed as well as my discomfort at the birth being a spectator event. Stick your ground--you need to be comfortable with the experience and her hurt feelings are small beans and will probably be forgotten as soon as she holds baby for the first time.

Annya26 · December 2011

YOUR baby, YOUR delivery, YOUR decision. Unforunately for your Mom she needs to suck it up, realize its not up to her and accept your decision.

I will be having my Mother there, but I also am a single parent to be and needed a good support person to hold my hand. I don't know how I would feel about it if I were married or had a SO but I would certainly expect her to respect my wishes without debate.

Hopefully she will come around!

SassyPants150 · December 2011

Its unfortunate when people get their panties in a wad over it. They should respect your decision!

I have gone back and forth on this. Without me even mentioning it, my mom said she was fine either way. Part of me really wants her there because MH is absolutely TERRIBLE with words. I have this feeling that he will probably not be the most help during delivery. There is no telling how this will go down. Since my parents are 8 hours away, there's a good chance that DH will get his wish to be the only one there.

SoonToBeMsP · December 2011

Not her right in the least. Your baby = you choose who is where when things are going down. Stick to your guns!

Personally, I agree with you- it'll just be DH and me in the room.

chemmie03 · December 2011

I guess I am lucky with the mom I have. She is going to help me labor until DH arrives but she has told me that as long as DH is there she is NOT going to be in delivery with me. I wasn't asking her to but she made it clear. If DH does not arrive in time, she will be there with me but that is not something she wants to do. So maybe you can have her help you labor, if you think she will help you, and then tell her when it is time to push you only want DH in the room with you.

intdesigner925 · December 2011

Only 3 ppl are allowed with me anyhow so that will be the ex( bleh), my mom , and likely my sister.

kaybe24 · December 2011

I was watching One Born Every Minute and this girl had her mom and her mother-in-law holding her legs apart when she delivered and I was thinking no way!

namara5532 · December 2011

As weird as it is, my FIL is throwing a similar fit. He's trying to weasle himself into the delivery room. He says that he's going to be sitting in the waiting room during delivery, and we know that equates to his plan to try to guilt his way into the room when baby is born. We've had to put our foot down and make it a universal policy for everyone that noone is to even be in the waiting room during delivery. I'm sad we've had to do that because I wouldn't have minded my own mother in the waiting room, but now I have to tell her no because FIL is being a jerk. Needless to say he won't be getting a phone call until the baby is born.

textbookcase · December 2011

My mom and a good friend were in the room with me with my first, but I was a young single mom. With my second, H and I wanted to be the only ones in the room but MIL walked in to the room RIGHT as I was pushing her out. I had her really quickly, so she didn't expect her to be coming out at that moment but I wish it had just been H and I. This time, hopefully it will really just be the two of us!

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