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Maryland Babies
KathrynMD
member
s/o of being prepared - do you have any parenting role models?
KathrynMD
member
I feel like I spent the last 10 years watching other parents and making mental notes.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o of being prepared - do you have any parenting role models?
For the "little kid years" the family I nannied for, I was super close to them and the mom was like an older sister to me. I still miss seeing them. I learned a lot, not only about kids, but marriage from them. I still think back and say "what did julie do when this came up," etc.
My mom, she may not have been perfect, but I don't know anyone more selfless. She was a single mom growing up (no CS from my father at all) and she would go years w/o buying new clothes, driving a crapy old car, so that my sister and I could play sports, do extra activities. She also worked as a consultant for a long time so that she had more control over her own schedule and could work at home when she needed, and she sacraficed a lot of her career, sleep, and benefits to do that for us.
Not really.....but I noted a lot of shining examples of what *not* to do.
I always figured I would kind of wing it based on my kid's personality.
BFP#1: 01/10, M/C 6w
BFP#2: 06/10, M/C 5w
BFP#3: 09/10, DS born June 1, 2011
BFP#4: 07/12, M/C 5w3d
BFP#5: 12/12, EDD 08/18/13
My Blog: Decorate This
I took several "what not to do" notes too!
My friend who could never stop talking to her kid for the first 5 years. Oh, hey and now you're surprised he can't entertain himself and you don't have any friends either?
This is sort of random - but I went on vacation w/ my ex-boyfriend's mother, BIL and SIL and their baby - who was probably 9 months/crawling. The SIL was British and frankly a little cold to me, but I loved how she was with her LO. I called it "benign neglect". She made sure she was always near her LO and that he was engaged and safe, but she let him do his thing too and did hers - so she read a book while he played w/ a little truck and she talked to him occassionally, but she actually read her book too. I just thought - ahh, that looks like the way to do it.
I really like the way my SIL and her husband are with their kids. There is a lot of very quiet discipline - there's never any yelling, but they kids are quietly pulled aside and they parents gently, but firmly explain that whatever was inappropriate, etc. I jsut love there is very little yelling/raising voices, but the expectations are always very clear and even when the kids are being disciplined, its always loving, never angry or frustrated (obviously, I'm sure they are frustrated at times, but that doesn't become part of the discipline/correction).
O I have a long list of things I've seen for what NOT to do.
My sister is really good with her kids. I might not agree with every single thing she does with her kids, but overall she does an amazing job. My BIL is in the Navy so half the time my sister is alone, and she juggles it all really well.
DH also has a friend from childhood and he and his wife are amazing parents. They're just so laid back and their kids are so well behaved.
And as cheesy as it sounds, my parents. I obviously can't remember how my parents were in the infant/newborn stage, but in terms of the hellish teenage years and beyond, my parents did a great job. We're incredibly close as a family, we're all pretty decent people, all 4 of us are college grads, we're responsible adults, and (a big thing for me) my parents never ever played favorites. They did without so many things just so my sisters and I could have the best. We were far from spoiled, and my parents made sure we appreciated everything we were given. They really just were/are amazing role models.
My mom in some ways, but in a lot of ways she's an example of what I don't want to be like...My dad is my main role model in life, and I often find myself thinking "What would my dad do?" in certain situations. I think when we have teenagers I'll be thinking that a lot, lol.
One of my BFFs is 8 years older than me and has three kids...I look up to her a lot and she got a lot of late night (good thing there's a time different between here and AK) texts during the first few weeks of Clara's life.
We're friends with a couple that has three kids and I ask her a lot of questions and also watch how they discipline their children because their kids are very much kids, but well behaved.
Like others said, there'll be a lot of taking the good and forgetting the bad in my world of role models. My parents had us so young and when I look back I can kind of see when they started to get their firm parenting legs. That time didn't come until after they had divorced and as each parent became more true to themselves they also calmed down and started listening to us as kids, adopting more patience and positive reinforcement, as opposed to the frustrated yelling and erratic discipline we experienced when we were younger. I have friends who reflect their amazing parents and those who reflect their not so amazing set, and ultimately what I hope for my child is that they know they are loved, protected, and valued. How I will accomplish this I haven't exactly figured out, but I know I felt this way growing up despite my parent's shortcomings, so there's hope!
My SO is struggling with this right now. He had a rougher go of it than I did growing up and he's dealing with his father demons now - how to not follow the same path, end of the same way, fight those innate behaviors you adopt growing up whether you intend to or not. I keep trying to reassure him that he's a good man, and a wonderful partner, and I've never had a moment's doubt about his abilities as a father, but it's still an uphill battle for him.