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Is it worth it?

LizNeatonLizNeaton member
in Single Parents
I keep going back and forth on whether or not to file for child support. I don't know if I want all the drama that comes aLong with it. My lo's dad doesn't even know her name nor has he told anyone about her. I want him to take responsibility and provide for her but don't know if I could bear a custody agreement. Any advice would help!
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Re: Is it worth it?

  • kryssgonzzx3kryssgonzzx3

    i filed for child support im still waiting for him to do the paternity test

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  • achase123achase123
    Custody and CS are totally non-related.  File for it for your LO's sake. 
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  • bellaleannebellaleanne member

    It's a decision you have to make based on your own feelings about your situation.

    When people tell you to file for CS, they do have your LO's best interest in mind...after all, it is your child's money and they do have the right to it, and the security it can help provide. 

    I chose not to file for CS, because I know that would trigger a custody battle with my ex. The issues may be separate in court, but there are many men out there who will seek custody to 1. make your life difficult because you're making their life difficult by making them pay and 2. reduce the amount of CS they have to pay by maximizing the amount of custody they have.

    Some say "if they don't want to be involved before CS, they won't want to be involved after." that's just not true in all cases, and you have to decide whether or not it's worth the risk. Many people disagree with my decision not to file for CS, but I believe I made the right decision for my son. I don't want him to have a father in his life who is there only out of a sense of obligation, or only to get back at me for making him pay. I was the one who decided to have this child, it's not like HE could have a abortion (I know without a doubt that he would have made that choice if he could have). 

    I am absolutely POSITIVE that there are flaws in my way of thinking, and respect that others have different opinions (which are likely also flawed in one way or another). You just have to make the decision for yourself, based on how you feel about it, how much you need the support, and what you know about your ex. Think about it, and make your decision with the knowledge that you are the best judge of your situation, and you have the right to decide either way. 

    Good luck to you. It's a tough decision to make, and my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are, and I know it's hard. Stay strong.

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  • MandiNewMommyMandiNewMommy member
    imagebethlhurn:

    It's a decision you have to make based on your own feelings about your situation.

    When people tell you to file for CS, they do have your LO's best interest in mind...after all, it is your child's money and they do have the right to it, and the security it can help provide. 

    I chose not to file for CS, because I know that would trigger a custody battle with my ex. The issues may be separate in court, but there are many men out there who will seek custody to 1. make your life difficult because you're making their life difficult by making them pay and 2. reduce the amount of CS they have to pay by maximizing the amount of custody they have.

    Some say "if they don't want to be involved before CS, they won't want to be involved after." that's just not true in all cases, and you have to decide whether or not it's worth the risk. Many people disagree with my decision not to file for CS, but I believe I made the right decision for my son. I don't want him to have a father in his life who is there only out of a sense of obligation, or only to get back at me for making him pay. I was the one who decided to have this child, it's not like HE could have a abortion (I know without a doubt that he would have made that choice if he could have). 

    I am absolutely POSITIVE that there are flaws in my way of thinking, and respect that others have different opinions (which are likely also flawed in one way or another). You just have to make the decision for yourself, based on how you feel about it, how much you need the support, and what you know about your ex. Think about it, and make your decision with the knowledge that you are the best judge of your situation, and you have the right to decide either way. 

    Good luck to you. It's a tough decision to make, and my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are, and I know it's hard. Stay strong.

    I agree with you.  I desided to go ahead and file and now I am flipping out that he is going to want to see him like you said just to "get back at me"  DS father does not know his name eaither and also wanted me to get an abortion when he found out about him.  I wish I would not have filed because I feel like then he def wouldnt want to see him. 

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  • bella&babybella&baby member
    imagetifanico:

    I respectfully disagree with some of the pp. 

    I understand the fear of thinking that  BD would get any kind of custody for whatever the reason, be it so he can get back at you or some other motivation. If he does get some sort of visitation, your child will be the winner in the situation. Unless there is fear for their safety, I think it is pretty selfish thinking that way. Your children are small now and they don't know any different but when your child grows up, they will ask for the father and what will you say to them?

    Having to exchange children and being away from them is hard and it does get things more complicated but the benefits for the child of having 2 involved parents is worth it.

    And before anyone goes off on me, please read where I said that Im talking about normal situations and not when the other parent is a danger to the child. 

    I have to point out to you that having 2 involved parents involved is really only beneficial if both parents want to be involved out of a genuine interest in being there for the child. Fear for actual safety is only one aspect of fearing having your baby's father involved. If your child's father would not be a good influence, a good example, responsible and a loving caretaker of your child, maybe they shouldn't be around. ESPECIALLY if they only decide to fight for custody because you're making them pay CS.

     That is just a ridiculous way of thinking. Yay, he has a penis and he is involved, that's obviously great for your child! Raising a child is much more complicated than that, and there is no reason this child can't have great male role models, whether the father is involved or not. Do I think having a good father in the picture is the best situation? Absolutely. But having a half-assed parent involved is not much better than having no second parent, and in some ways can be worse, IMO.

     

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