Tell me I haven't lost it
AlwaysSunny925
member
Backstory: I am the rental/sales director at a coop building. About a month ago I got a request for repairs from a tenant. I told the tenant it would be a few weeks before we could get in there to do the repairs. She seemed fine with it since it was mainly painting and nothing that was an emergency.
Fast forward to yesterday and I get a letter from her, addressed to me personally, not to the landlord. She wrote in the letter how I am treating her unfairly because I led her to believe we would do the work requested and I didn't follow through. (Little did she know I was very close to scheduling her for the next week or so). She compared me to Bernie Madoff and said that God will punish me (me personally, even though I am just an employee) and that I am taking advantage of her because she is a senior citizen.
I flipped.
I called her and I told her that she has no right to judge me or my relationship with God. I told her that she should think before she makes accusations because she has no clue what is going on in my life. I told her I have two children in the hospital and I don't appreciate her letter. At this point I was crying. Totally unprofessional.
I then told her that I WILL schedule her for repairs and that she was aware it would take a few weeks.
After I got off the phone I noticed the letter was dated just two days after I went to her apartment to see what repairs she needed. I just got the letter now because she sent it certified mail and I had to pick it up from the post office.
Please tell me I haven't lost it. Or tell me I have...
I'm usually not like this. I guess I have reached my breaking point. She has no right to bring up God. She has no clue the relationship I, or anyone else for that matter, have with God. And she was out of line.
Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.
Re: Tell me I haven't lost it
You have not lost it. This letter was likely one of the best things that could have happened...I'm sure you've kept a lot of your emotions bottled up over the past few weeks. Coupled with the back and forth to the NICU, worry and anticipating homecoming, you've got A LOT going on. Even though it wasn't the most professional thing to do, flipping out on this lady probably felt very good
I say this With much love and understanding. You've lost it. All the *** going on in your life pushed you to a point that you normally wouldn't go.
Have you thought about counseling? Your nicu stay had been very hard. PTSD is very real and a lot of the gals on here have struggled with it. You are not alone.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
To be quite honest with you, I haven't really thought that I need counseling. Every time the social workers call and ask me how I am doing, I tell them that I am fine. I mean, for the most part, I think I have been handling everything really well. And my husband is very supportive and has been my rock throughout this whole thing. I really don't even want to talk to anyone expect my husband about the feelings I am feeling (and you guys of course). And it's only because he (and you all) are the only people who truly know what I am going through.
BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
Katie's right -- if you're dealing with PPA or PTSD you're not alone. Several of us {including me} have dealt with it. It wasn't until talking to some of the ladies here that I realized what was going on. I thought everything I was feeling and thinking was normal considering my circumstances. FB me if you want to talk!
I agree with everything you said, but especially here.
Put me in the camp of gently suggesting that you talk to someone. Yes, what she did was wrong, and it was certainly the straw that broke the camels back. I send you huge hugs, though. You've been through h*ll, and you're so strong and brave for what you've done.
Count me in the group of people that were diagnosed with PTSD. I never felt SAD about the whole experience, but I got angry. All the time. At everything. My temper was terrible during pregnancy, and it was worse after my son was born. After some counseling, it became clear to me that my anger was actually a secondary emotion. I was repressing all of the sadness, etc., but it was "leaking out" as anger. Anger is often a manifestation of some other repressed emotions.
When you have a baby (or, in your case, babies) in the NICU, you have to be brave. For them. For your husband. For everyone. I told everyone for months that I was "fine," but I really wasn't. I feel 100 times better after having seen a counselor. My husband was also so emotionally spent that he couldn't really "be there" for me. I had to be there for him, too. A counselor really allows you to get support in a selfish way - it's just about YOU.
For my situation, the first few weeks at home were harder emotionally than they needed to be because I didn't have my head screwed on straight. It got in the way of me bonding with my son, too, which is really unfortunate. At the risk of sounding like a non-NICU parent who talks about "the nurses being great babysitters,"you DO have the time and the resources (via the hospital social workers) available to you now to start the healing process.
10 months later, I still think about the NICU and / or labor & delivery every single day. I don't think I'll ever been the same person. I think the counseling really helped me to start to accept everything that happened, though.
You're doing an amazing job. The NICU sucks. At the time, I kept saying that it wasn't too bad, but, now, on this side, it sucked. I think I was reluctant to seek a counselor at first because I'd built up this little emotional house of cards. I was worried that, if I talked to someone, the whole thing would come crashing down. i had a very tenuous hold on my emotions, and I was worried that letting anything out would just bring it all down.
Oh dear. I flipped out at a security guard at our hospital after I'd been in NICU for a while - like yelled, then collapsed into sobs when I got to the front desk and the secretaries took care of everything from there. One of them told me how they're trained to put up with everything from the preemie parents...anyway...I'm just telling you I lost it, too.
Calling that lady sounds like you burst. You have two LO's in NICU - you are not all right. Not many of us are OK, and that's understandable. One of the many reasons we can all relate to each other so well is because we can empathize with each others specific trauma - does that make sense?
You can always message me if you feel like talking or have questions. Always
Peanut Butter and Jelly!
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She sounds like a crazy old bird.
I think you seem to be handling everything really, really well. However, if you think you aren't, then it can't hurt to chat with someone.
((hugs))
That made me lol. Thanks Sail
This is proof of what a great person you are. Hugs to you lady!
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
I totally understand not wanting to talk to anyone else but preemie moms and your H. I totally closed myself off to anyone except my H when Gabe was in the hospital. It just couldn't deal with hearing anything about other sh*t at that time. I also couldn't handle people trying to relate to me.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
I did the same thing. It was a survival thing for me-I just didn't have the ability to care about everyone else's drama or the patience to try and explain how I was feeling. I will say that even though it was what I needed at the time, I am now fighting to regain friendships that I ignored for months.
My counselor says this is part of my PTSD (yep, I'm one of those too). You can read some of my story on the preemie blog but I wanted to add that I felt just like you when we were in the NICU. I was fine. I was focused on my baby and didn't process any of my emotions. It didn't hit me until about 3 months after discharge and then the world came crashing down around me. It was like reliving every single emotion from the previous six months. But now I see a counselor weekly and it helps a ton. I wouldn't have known what to say while we were in the NICU. So even if you don't think this is the right time, just keep in mind that you may have this come up again later. Like everyone else, I'm around if you want to talk!
Our precious girl, born at 27 weeks.
I'm a PTSD'er too, but my house of cards, so to speak, didn't fall down until LO had been home from the NICU for 8 months and we were leading up to his first birthday. That's when everything really hit me, when I finally sought counseling, got diagnosed, etc.
My point is I feel strongly that if you think you're doing well now, and you don't feel like talking to anyone else right now, then don't. I wasn't ready to at that point. I just had to keep doing what I knew was working in it's weird, twisted, crazy NICU routine of life, but it was working for me and I could keep going like that. Just know that if things do seem bad, unbearable, out of control, or if you just feel like talking to someone, at any point whether it be tomorrow or 10 years from now, counseling has helped a lot of us preemie moms. But also don't feel bad if you don't ever seek counseling. There is no script for this and we are all so different.