Explaining personal space to almost 4yo

CD+AL · December 2011

I've noticed that DS is kind of invading his school friends' personal space a bit. When he gets really excited about something, he puts his hand on their shoulder, bends closer to their faces and makes full eye contact, and they in turn back away, which indicates to me that it's a problem. For DS though, he just leans in even closer to their faces.

I know that he's doing it b/c I've always made a point to get down to his level whenever I'm saying something really important to him whether it's asking him to do something, correcting his behavior or praising him, and I have no problem with him doing this with us at home. I just don't want him to cause other kids to shy away or avoid him, and I don't want to make him feel self conscious b/c he's doing pretty well with the social aspects of preschool, which is the big thing that I wanted him to get out of it this year. He's even one of the youngest in his class of mostly old 4yos and several 5yo and doing well other than this issue.

How do I help him understand that there are times when it's ok to be close and touchy (ie, at home) and other times that he needs to respect other people's space without making him feel awkward? I know adults that struggle with this, so it's tough trying to explain it to him in a way that an almost 4yo can understand.

ArcticFox · December 2011

DD likes to be super annoying and blow on my face or ask me how her breath smells (if she's just had cookies or candy). I've told her like 5 million times that she is too close, and for the sake of germs alone, to give a little space.

She also never leaves her little sister alone, from shouting in her face to squeezing her, so we are working on that. I basically told her not to put her hands on her sister or anyone else for that matter. It's tough. She wants to know why she shouldn't touch other people, and I said not everyone wants to be touched, plus with germs, it's better not too (she alreay had pink eye 3x this year, so that was a great example).

ecoppins · December 2011

Dd1 is a big hugger, a lovey kind of girl. She totally space invades particularly when it is someone she is excited about, namely the big girl down the street who is in kindergarden! (Glamourous I know!)

I just gently correct her on the spot. "So and so needs there space." It is a common problem apparently, as the Big Girl busted into "My teacher says elbows distance" and put her arms up and demonstrated. We all got a good laugh.

In my experience, if you feel like it is an awkward discussion, so will the child. If it is no big deal, then most little ones won't feel awkward. We correct them and guide them nearly constantly anyway.

KathrynMD · December 2011

you can't talk about this as an abstract concept - you need to give your LO a specific rule or distance. I overheard one of the 4 teachers at DD's school telling one of her kids that there was no kissing at school - just blowing kisses and you had to ask before you hugged someone. I thought that was a good rule and easy enough for kids to follow.

Jena503 · December 2011

How about working on the idea that if someone pulls away, you need to let them go. If the cat tries to walk away, it doesn't want to be petted. If your friend leans away, then they don't want you in their face. Not much different than how we can't grab our friend's arm and pull them if they don't want to play what we are playing.

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