How do I say no to playdate?

calico77 · December 2011

My DS has a friend over from preschool and just on the ride home, I confirmed my suspicions that this is a kid that I don't necessarily want playing with mine His language and the stuff he talks about is not where my family is. I don't let my kid watch Spongebob and this kid was talking about watching scary movies like "Jason" and used the word "heck" while trying to get in his carseat. His mom has already offered to have my DS over during Christmas break or after school one day when the break is over.

Now--I'm not ultraconservative, my DH and I watch South Park and all of the stupid adult cartoons on Fox and I occasionally swear (but not around DS)---but I don't want my 4 year old exposed to this type of language, behavior, tv content, etc too soon. My son just adores this kid and talks about him non-stop at home. I really don't want him going over to this kid's house so how do I politely decline without stating why or lying?

Any suggestions for when my 4 year old asks to have him come over again?

angelakh · December 2011

Are you talking about dropping him off at the friend's house without you? If so, I would play the overprotective mom bit and say that you are not comfortable leaving DS without you.

I wouldn't have a problem with the friend coming to my house. You can control the environment and use it as a teachable moment with your LO. When I have had a child in my home that has used inappropriate language, I just nicely say, "we don't use those words at our house" then you can give them a word to use that you find acceptable. I was watching a friend's 6 yo DD and she kept saying oh my God. I just said that we didn't say that at our house and she could say oh my goodness or just oh my. It wasn't a real big deal.

Regardless of the parents/child, I am not ready to let DD go on a playdate without me yet!

franciscaz · December 2011

Honestly I think you might be prematurely judging this little kid. Perhaps you should suggest he come to your home so you can supervise! I would invite his mother to come along and get to know her a little. Nothing you mentioned would make me throw out huge red flags (if he was cursing like he was fisherman on Deadliest Catch or playing out the movie Jason on his pet dog I think I would keep as far away as possible from that child but it doesn't seem like that is the case from your post). I agree with Angela though, at this age I still wouldn't drop off my child.

One thing I've learned since Harm being in the Public Schools Pre-K is that children come from all backgrounds and upbringings. We don't do things like super-heros or gun toys in the home. So when his friends come over, who do play things like that, we just let them know in our home we play with Thomas and Friends and other more wholesome things.

Jinsy80 · December 2011

franciscaz:

Honestly I think you might be prematurely judging this little kid. Perhaps you should suggest he come to your home so you can supervise! I would invite his mother to come along and get to know her a little. Nothing you mentioned would make me throw out huge red flags (if he was cursing like he was fisherman on Deadliest Catch or playing out the movie Jason on his pet dog I think I would keep as far away as possible from that child but it doesn't seem like that is the case from your post). I agree with Angela though, at this age I still wouldn't drop off my child.

One thing I've learned since Harm being in the Public Schools Pre-K is that children come from all backgrounds and upbringings. We don't do things like super-heros or gun toys in the home. So when his friends come over, who do play things like that, we just let them know in our home we play with Thomas and Friends and other more wholesome things.

I totally agree. Hey, at least he said "heck" instead of many other words. I wouldn't bat an eye at that. And I watched horror movies at 4 years old...not that I let DD1 watch them. Give it another try...

Leila'sMommy · December 2011

You're upset because the kid said "heck"?

If you pick and choose your child's friends because of the cartoons they watch and the stuff he talks about... good luck with that one. Especially by middle school. Kids are going to be friends with who they're going to be friends with. If the kid got in his car seat and started cursing one side and down the other or started physically hurting your kid, yeah, keep them apart. But watching Spongebob and saying things like "heck" are not reasons to bust a friendship apart.

RoxBride · December 2011

I think ruling out friends for using the word 'heck' is going to make it near impossible to find friends you approve of. That is your decision as a parent, but I don't know anyone who would consider heck a swear word, and I'm pretty conservative myself.

Where you draw the line is up to you, but it sounds like you are comfortable with any other children having play dates with yours, so you might just have to make a rule that you aren't going to have play dates, period.

Wally3 · December 2011

If your not comfortable have them over to your house first so you can get to know the mom and maybe feel more comfortable or not - but at least you'll have more information. You could also meet at a playground or some place else to get to know each other better and then you can leave if it goes poorly - or extend it if it goes well.

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