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Austin Babies
august8080
member
I am amazed at people (and need advice)
august8080
member
I cannot believe the number of people who have had what I consider to be a negative reaction when I tell them I'm pregnant with twins. Of course, lots of people have been super positive, as well, but the negative always stands out and I feel like I need a good go-to response for the nay-sayers. I am a big believer in surrounding yourself with positive people, with not listening to pregnancy and labor horror stories and just being positive about your situation in general. I really think that's one thing that helped me during my pg and delivery with DS.
So what polite but direct response should I use when people's first response is something like:
......oh wow, better you than me.
.......holy cow, that will be challenging.
......OMG, well at least you can be done after this.
(Also, am I just being overly sensitive?? I think these type of responses are incredibly rude! Of COURSE it will be a challenge. This was totally unexpected, but we've been blessed with two little lives, how is that not reason to congratulate someone?!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am amazed at people (and need advice)
honestly, I think you are being a little too sensitive. I don't think people mean those comments in a rude way, but I definitely understand you taking them the wrong way. People just HAVE to say something to pregnant women - they don't think how our pg hormones are going to over analyze it. It's always something - "wow - are you sure you still have 2 months left - you look like you could pop now!" or "oh, wouldn't it have been nice to have a boy so you'd have one of each", etc.
those are just more of the same asinine comments that make us crazy and other people don't give them a second thought.
as to the response for #1 - i'd say "yeah, i agree".
Ugh. This is one of those situations where people feel they have to respond, but clearly have no idea what an appropriate response is so they come up with the stupidest, most insulting crap. Kind of like when they learn you're expecting, the immediate next question is "are you going to find out the gender?" and then "have you picked out a name?". Or you're 39 weeks and as big as a house and the same people keep commenting overandoverandover about how you haven't had that baby YET?!?!?! Sorry, I digress...
My BFF has 5 kids, and is always open to having more if that's the "plan" for her life. People are constantly telling her, "Oh wow - you've got your hands full" and she just smiles sweetly and tells them, "Not really." Each time she announced her subsequent pregnancies, her standing response to the negative nellies was "Every baby is a blessing, and our family welcomes all the blessings we can get!"
I don't think you're being too sensitive! People have no clue how dumb they can sound, until they're in your position. I would probably just say something along the lines of "we know it will be challenging, but it will all work out. We're concentrating on the fact that we are twice as blessed." Or something else to make them feel completely small that they didn't acknowledge what a blessing every/any baby is!
When 3 Became 4
my sister deals with this a lot. it is hurtful, despite what people intend. i'm sorry sharing your news isn't more fun
i would say 'i wouldn't have it any other way! we are overjoyed!' and smile big
Aww, I'm sorry that people aren't reacting how you'd hope. I have been there, lol. You would not believe some of the reactions I got being pregnant so soon again after Leo!
I am a really (overly) sensitive person, so I know it can be hard to just let it slide. I think people really do mean well though. In their own way, they're probably trying to acknowledge that this is HUGE news and that you might be a little nervous about it.
Like I said, I know it's annoying though. And "Congratulations!!!!" for good measure
I'd be upset but I take EVERYTHING personally. I don't really have a response for them though. Just kill 'em with kindness I guess, "I know, but I'm so excited!" or something. I hate confrontation so I have no snarky responses.
I guess try and not let it get to you, just know you're a stronger person cause you're going to say you carried twins
And yes, people will always have something. Right now I feel big and I think I obviously look pregnant, I'm all belly. I can still wear my regular pants if I have a Bella Band, but people all the time tell me I don't even look pregnant. Gee thanks...I've just gained 8 inches around my waist, so I guess I look fat. Whatever.
For some reason, multiples are very interesting to people. Those comments, while extremely rude, are going to be the norm. I would just say, "yep, better me than you!" at the first comment and hope they get the subtle jab. you could always say that you will make the decision as to when you're done having kids, TYVM.
Oh and say, "yep, it *is* going to be difficult, but that's a baby for ya." or something. All babies are hard. My boys were probably easier than my friend's one baby though, so it's different across the board. People are dumb, just remember that.
I forgot to add, I would say this in response to the being done comment: "Why would I need to be done?"
When 3 Became 4
I find it odd. I'm always really excited and happy for someone having twins. I think twins are cool and special! Maybe I would add something about how much work it would be...but overwhelmingly I think I would just be excited and happy for the person.
All comments are hard from peeps, they just say the darndest things.
This is how I feel, too. I could totally see myself saying something about how challenging it will be, and then realizing I should've just kept my big mouth shut later on. Unless one of these people has a history of being snarky I'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt and just kindly let them know that you're excited and welcome the challenge.
And congrats!
Don't get me wrong, twins ARE hard and since having them, I always think, "man, I wouldn't wish twins (or more!) on anyone." It's just a lot of work. But then, the benefits are immense.
My sister has a maternity shirt that says, "We're hoping it's a pony". You could always say that instead of what you're actually having.
Them: What are you having? You: It's a pony! We're psyched!
End of conversation.
Exactly. I want to make people feel supported, and let them know that I don't take for granted how much they're going through. So I end up saying things like that. But twins have always seemed magic to me! Like red hair! Or dimples! :-)
Thanks everyone SO much for your advice! And I appreciate the support and congratulations.
And MrsPurdue, I appreciate your honesty. It's easy to get very self-focused when you're pregnant and sometimes you need someone to tell you to just chill.
Joyco, I feel you. I mean, when I'm talking with my husband or sisters or BFF, we definitely talk about holy cow, the thought of twins is overwhelming sometimes and one baby seemed hard enough--how will we manage with two?! But, we're still totally excited and even though it's crazy, we'll roll with it and will get through it, obviously! I mean, you're still alive
Also, if YOU as a mom of twins said that to me, it would be one thing, but some dude who has never changed a diaper has no business preaching to me about how hard my life is going to be with two babies......OK, I'm done ranting, I think.
Also#2. Pony. Good idea!
I don't think people mean to be rude when they say things like "better you than me." I tend to view it as people making the very honest comment that taking care of a baby can be hard, and two babies has the potential to be much harder... and the person saying it has the wherewithal to realize that he or she is not cut out for having twins.
Based on your signature, you also have a toddler. People are probably looking at that and thinking "Dear God, she's going to have two newborns on top of that - that poor woman!" because they're thinking about how hard THEY would find it to be in your shoes. I think comments like that aren't meant to be negative. It's more of a "wow - I couldn't handle that" sort of thing.
I would just smile and say "We're very blessed" and leave it at that.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
You know what though? I think I, as a MoM instead of just having a singleton, have it easier now that the boys are older. They totally play with each other and hardly ever drag me into the fray. I wouldn't say it's a piece of cake and it's not all puppies and rainbows, but it's certainly a nice perk!
I get people saying, "Twins, huh? Double the trouble!" And I say, "Oh, hahaha! Never heard that one before!" No, not really. I say that in my head. Out loud I say, "No way, 'twice the fun'!" They don't even have a clue. I stand by my "people are dumb" comment.
LMAO. This would be priceless.
I'm sorry that people are saying things like that. My feelings would be hurt, too. I guess (like pp said), just take the comments at their best and smile and say, "We're very excited!"
My twins are 9 weeks old, so we're still in the thick of the newborn stage. I was fortunate that most people were positive (except for my mom, whose response was, "Well, that'll cure you of wanting babies!"). Lots of people told me, "Oh, you're so lucky! I always wanted twins!" To be honest, I was a bit terrified of having twins, so I usually answered something like, "I imagine we'll manage like everyone else does!"
After we found out we were having a boy and a girl, almost everyone started to reply, "Oh, you're so lucky! You can be done!"
Anyway, congratulations on your twins. Mine are miraculous little mites.