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Advice for court on Friday (re: visitation)
I have court re: visitation on Friday so I need some advice. SD wants to have visits on Sunday and Tues. Tues would be for two hours, at my house. Sunday, he wants to have him all day long (9-6pm) and have his dad pick him up, and then take him an hour south to where SD lives, on their ranch. I'm not comfortable with him being an hour away. Also, SD has no license so his dad would be driving and picking up/dropping off. I AM ok with unsupervised visits for less time and somewhere closer, like his grandmother's house or his sister's house. What's everyone elses' thoughts? Am I being too strict/harsh? Or maybe he could do a full day visit but OEW? Any input/thoughts?
ETA: for anyone who doesn't know the backstory: SD just came back into P's life this past July. He hadn't seen him for an entire year and only here and there before that. He has been in a drug rehab program since April 2011 but before that was in trouble with the law at least four times (that I know of) for various drug related charges.
Right now he has three hours a week of supervised visitation (supervised by me).
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Re: Advice for court on Friday (re: visitation)
Well, I have reason to believe he's engaged in illegal activities at his place of residence and at his ranch. Therefore I would want a home inspection. He also doesn't have a place for P to rest/nap. As far as I know, he lives in a dilapidated apartment behind a gas station.
ITA with Becca, in the sense that it seems like a big leap from three hours a week of supervised visitation at my home to 9am-6pm, one hour away, every Sunday. I think trading the supervised visitation for unsupervised would be a good transition.
And, I know I have no control or proof over it, but my biggest fear is that his sobriety won't last very long. I know I cannot worry like that about the future, but I CAN make him come back into P's life slowly, or at least try to. That way if things go south with him again, it hopefully won't be as big of an impact on P.
Achase, is him being randomly drug tested a condition of his visitation?
I vote the full day EOW. Otherwise you're going to have to plan all of your weekend plans around his Sunday visits.
I hear ya on wanting a home inspection, but I don't think those are common practice. I'm having similar issues with my Ex. Right now he has DD for 4 hours every Sunday which isn't a huge deal because we've worked the schedule around her naps. However, now he suddenly wants overnights (he's only had his 4 hour visits for 2 months now - his visits were previously supervised by me). I'm not agreeing on the basis that I don't know he has a place for her to sleep. I'm hoping we can get some kind of home visit or inspection, but I don't know if it'll happen. I'm also arguing for a more gradual build-up in visitation time. 4 hours to 24 hours is a huge leap IMO.
Yes, he does drug testing twice weekly and if he fails visitation is revoked entirely. I would want this to continue in our agreement on Friday.
This is another thing to think about. Every weekend sucks...even if it is only 3 to 4 hours.
My exH has DS for 6 hours e/o Saturday and is HOMELESS. The courts won't do anything, and not for my lack of trying. They say because it's not overnight that it's not a big deal and that he can take DS to public places and he is safe. They don't even care that it's December, cold outside and there is NO way in my mind that this kind of situation is in DS best interest. Grrr - the courts frustrate me to NO END!
Hopefully they are nicer to you!
Coming onto this post late, and late in the day.
But with the drug past, P's age, and non-consistant visitation in the past...I think a full day is a stretch. Also great idea on the home inspection. In my state's guidelines when distance is a major factor, the non-custodial parent has to stay in the community of the custodial parent until the child is 3.
Also spoke with a DCS lawyer recently because XH wants to start taking DD "on his own" for visits and she said that if you have sole physical custody and something happens on a visit they can look to the custodial parent.
I agree with becca regarding having a licensed, approved driver do the transportation. I also think a stipulation should be that XH is present at pickup and drop off. After all, it's HIS visitation as a parent right? P is not freight that should be hauled from his home to go visit his deadbeat father because his father can't pick him up himself.
Even though you'll have to deal directly with XH, you'll be able to detect things that might raise red flags such as XH smelling of alcohol and cigarettes or having blood shot eyes that might clue you in to him using again. If XH's father picks up P to transport him, you'll never know what state XH is in and whether he's suitable to have supervision.
WORD! I kind of don't think 1 hour away is that bad either. But I drive an hour to work every morning so it has lost its WOW factor to me. Let us know what you decide!
Our CO says that xH has to be present for his parenting time. Also that a licensed, insured driver and an approved car seat will be used for transportation.
More savers: That he can't be more than 15 minutes late or I assume the visit is cancelled. Oh, and also that he has to call the Wednesday before to confirm he is coming for the following Saturday,or again, I assume he is not coming. That way you have enough time to plan either way. And builds some responsiblity and thinking ahead on his part! Love my lawyer for thinking of all this! Remember, if it's not in the CO, it's not enforcable.
Im coming in late for this. Good luck girl and please update us ASAP!