Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Advice for court on Friday (re: visitation)
Well, I have reason to believe he's engaged in illegal activities at his place of residence and at his ranch. Therefore I would want a home inspection. He also doesn't have a place for P to rest/nap. As far as I know, he lives in a dilapidated apartment behind a gas station.
ITA with Becca, in the sense that it seems like a big leap from three hours a week of supervised visitation at my home to 9am-6pm, one hour away, every Sunday. I think trading the supervised visitation for unsupervised would be a good transition.
And, I know I have no control or proof over it, but my biggest fear is that his sobriety won't last very long. I know I cannot worry like that about the future, but I CAN make him come back into P's life slowly, or at least try to. That way if things go south with him again, it hopefully won't be as big of an impact on P.
Achase, is him being randomly drug tested a condition of his visitation?
I vote the full day EOW. Otherwise you're going to have to plan all of your weekend plans around his Sunday visits.
I hear ya on wanting a home inspection, but I don't think those are common practice. I'm having similar issues with my Ex. Right now he has DD for 4 hours every Sunday which isn't a huge deal because we've worked the schedule around her naps. However, now he suddenly wants overnights (he's only had his 4 hour visits for 2 months now - his visits were previously supervised by me). I'm not agreeing on the basis that I don't know he has a place for her to sleep. I'm hoping we can get some kind of home visit or inspection, but I don't know if it'll happen. I'm also arguing for a more gradual build-up in visitation time. 4 hours to 24 hours is a huge leap IMO.
Yes, he does drug testing twice weekly and if he fails visitation is revoked entirely. I would want this to continue in our agreement on Friday.
This is another thing to think about. Every weekend sucks...even if it is only 3 to 4 hours.
My exH has DS for 6 hours e/o Saturday and is HOMELESS. The courts won't do anything, and not for my lack of trying. They say because it's not overnight that it's not a big deal and that he can take DS to public places and he is safe. They don't even care that it's December, cold outside and there is NO way in my mind that this kind of situation is in DS best interest. Grrr - the courts frustrate me to NO END!
Hopefully they are nicer to you!
Coming onto this post late, and late in the day.
But with the drug past, P's age, and non-consistant visitation in the past...I think a full day is a stretch. Also great idea on the home inspection. In my state's guidelines when distance is a major factor, the non-custodial parent has to stay in the community of the custodial parent until the child is 3.
Also spoke with a DCS lawyer recently because XH wants to start taking DD "on his own" for visits and she said that if you have sole physical custody and something happens on a visit they can look to the custodial parent.
I agree with becca regarding having a licensed, approved driver do the transportation. I also think a stipulation should be that XH is present at pickup and drop off. After all, it's HIS visitation as a parent right? P is not freight that should be hauled from his home to go visit his deadbeat father because his father can't pick him up himself.
Even though you'll have to deal directly with XH, you'll be able to detect things that might raise red flags such as XH smelling of alcohol and cigarettes or having blood shot eyes that might clue you in to him using again. If XH's father picks up P to transport him, you'll never know what state XH is in and whether he's suitable to have supervision.
WORD! I kind of don't think 1 hour away is that bad either. But I drive an hour to work every morning so it has lost its WOW factor to me. Let us know what you decide!
Our CO says that xH has to be present for his parenting time. Also that a licensed, insured driver and an approved car seat will be used for transportation.
More savers: That he can't be more than 15 minutes late or I assume the visit is cancelled. Oh, and also that he has to call the Wednesday before to confirm he is coming for the following Saturday,or again, I assume he is not coming. That way you have enough time to plan either way. And builds some responsiblity and thinking ahead on his part! Love my lawyer for thinking of all this! Remember, if it's not in the CO, it's not enforcable.
Im coming in late for this. Good luck girl and please update us ASAP!