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Parenting after 35
javanut
member
Another how old is too old post.
javanut
member
Hello all. I'm a previous poster on pregnant over 35, but circumstance has led me over here to seek input on a question that gets debated a lot. How old is too old to have a baby.
I'm 42. Husband is 44. we have a 19-month-old. i was pregnant with what was to be our last child but had a miscarriage at 12-13 weeks. Obviously, we are devastated. i would prefer to take some time to heal emotionally before deciding whether to try again, but time is the one damn thing we do not have.
I would like to try again. My husband is beginning to have doubts. He thought we were pushing it when we conceived the baby we lost. If we conceive again we will be 43 and 45 when the baby is born.
We're healthy and have plenty of energy now. But my husband worries about how it will be being 55 with a 10 year old or teaching a 16-year-old to drive at ages 59 and 61.
We also have some family history to consider. While we each had grandparents live into their 90s, we also both lost parents young. My father died at 70. MIL died at 68. My husband is worried about leaving a child an orphan in their early or mid 20s. On the flip side, if something happens to us, our daughter will be alone if we have no other children.
Of course there is no way to know if I will be able to get pregnant. However, fertility wise I have been pretty lucky and got pregnant within 6 months of trying both times.
Have any of you struggled with this decision? How did you come to a conclusion?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Another how old is too old post.
age - for me - is far less a deciding factor than say finances, maturity (not age related kind...), emotional ability to care for a child, career stability, etc.
For me the deciding question would be "which would I regret MORE" - if I were to try and look ahead 10-15-20 years...would I regret not having children more than the children I did have. For me I can't imagine regretting a child. So when we found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant, the choice was easy. (we didn't plan but we didn't prevent).
I'm asking that same question again in regards to adding one more. I'm pretty sure we're done. But I'm not 100% in either direction.
Thank you for your comments. We are stable in our marriage and finances(although our daughter would have more financially as an only) Its the idea of being in our sixties and dealing with a teenager -- or dying when our kids are young -- that bugs my husband
Of course we are in the deep south and older parents are something of a rarity down here. Heck, several of my high school classmates have grandchildren older than my daughter.
There's no way of knowing when you or your DH will die. Something could happen tomorrow, who knows. My point is, I would rather have a second child and not regret it later on, if that's what I really wanted, and not worry about what will happen 20 years from now. If your DH doesn't want to teach a teenager how to drive when he's older, there are schools for that
Or a relative or friend could do it. My father was a terrible teacher and I ended up going to driving school, lol.
I think if you're emotionally, physically and financially ready for a second child, you should go for it. For me, I worry more about birth defects due to AMA than if I'll be around for my kids in 30 years. I worry more about the short term than the long term. But that's me. Good luck with your decision!
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO