Daycare vs. Grandparents

Bella427 · December 2011

The daycare negativity below is driving me nuts! My dad offered to watch my first child one day a week when I returned from my first maternity leave. He meant well but it quickly became clear he had no idea what he was doing and she started going to daycare full time shortly thereafter. My in-laws completely ignore my kids most of the time. My mom loves to babysit when we go out occasionally on weekends but the kids always stay up way too late and eat way too much sugar. On the other hand, my kids' daycare teachers have degrees in child development and years of experience. My baby's teacher spends all day singing to him, snuggling him, etc. My 4 year old has been learning how to write her friend's names and all about cultural geography for the past month. These women are not strangers. I love them dearly and so do my children. End of rant.

Momtobug31 · December 2011

Ha - you beat me to it. I was going to vent and conduct a poll re: why you love your daycare.

My mom tried to convince me to let her and my dad trade days so "poor LO" wouldn't have to be in daycare 4-5 days a week. I love my mom but she doesn't have a degree in child development. She has no idea that asking my child to stop throwing a tantrum isn't developmentally appropriate. She believes in spanking. She told me not to hold LO too much because I'd 'spoil' her. The list goes on and on and on. But, I suppose - she's not a stranger and she's raised 4 kids who all turned out fine so.... BIG EYEROLL.

Maybride2 · December 2011

That's pretty much how I feel - my parents and MIL are terrific grandparents, but would make terrible childcare providers.

The "strangers" who take care of my child (soon children) during the day are professionals in childcare development and do a wonderful job of taking care of and teaching children. I don't view them as "strangers" any more than I'll view my children's future schoolteachers as strangers; just because they're not blood related doesn't mean they can't care about my child and do things that are in his best interest for him.

Spenjamins · December 2011

I love my kids being in daycare/preschool and would not have it any other way. My sister and I were babysat by my Grandmother and we turned out just fine.

Love and nurturing and tons of hugs and kisses are the keys here. Teaching children to be curious and to explore their environment and be stimulated creatively and to be joyful.

Children who get these things are the lucky ones. Who they get it from is just not important.

Bella427 · December 2011

Spenjamins:

I love my kids being in daycare/preschool and would not have it any other way. My sister and I were babysat by my Grandmother and we turned out just fine.

Love and nurturing and tons of hugs and kisses are the keys here. Teaching children to be curious and to explore their environment and be stimulated creatively and to be joyful.

Children who get these things are the lucky ones. Who they get it from is just not important.

Exactly.

karleegirl · December 2011

I know I'm late to this but here is my other favorite comment on being a working Mom. "I don't want my child being RAISED by someone else". I see that comment on my bmb sometimes and it sends me over the edge.

emberlee3 · December 2011

Well, I have to say that until I actually put my 8 week old baby in daycare, I didn't know much about it and I had a lot of those same negative ideas about it. So did everyone in my family. I still have friends who make comments out of ignorance. My family members have seen how well my son did in daycare, even as an infant, and they no longer speak negatively about it.

I prefer to spread positive messages about daycare than to jump down the throats of people who speak negatively about it.

manda26 · December 2011

thank you so much for this post. I am going back to work in 3 weeks and DS will be in DC 3 days and with my mom 2 days. Although I need to add it is my moms DC he will be attending and she has been in the business 20+ years. Luckily she is going to retire in a few years and wanted to slowly transition her replacement by being out of the office the 2 days she is with my son. I feel like I have the best of both worlds completely but yet hear comments from my SIL who stays at home about how DC is - yet she has no idea what it is like at all.

Daisy22 · December 2011

I'm just now getting around to reading and I haven't seen the post below yet but for us, we didn't want grandparents to become caregivers. We wanted them to be grandparents. I saw what happened when my mom became a caregiver to my niece and nephew while my sister was sick. It was hard on her b/c she had to discipline her grandkids (which was hard on her) and they started seeing her as a parent. Plus our oldest has thrived in school. They have helped him so much with his speech delay and his teachers have become like family to us. I will cry next year when he moves up to the next room.

katie4253 · December 2011

We are not using grandparents either. They are very old fashioned. They want us to feed formula, CIO, let him watch tv all day, and generally don't respect our parenting choices. Thanks, but no thanks!

duchess0727 · December 2011

Honestly, I woke up puking this morning and gathered all the energy I could to get my older two kids to daycare. When I got there, the teachers in the baby room (#3 is there 2 days until Jan when he starts FT) insisted that I leave the baby there so I could go home and rest and feel better. These people are like family to me. None of my relatives offer to watch my kids so I can rest. I never understand the daycare bashing. Yes, there are some daycares that aren't that great, but there are also some relatives that aren't that great. It's all about finding the right one.

flyer23 · December 2011

I did feel "lucky" that MIL was able to watch DS for ~4 months after I returned to work from maternity leave, but that's purely because I WFH and so it meant I didn't have to pump! (She brought him to me to nurse.)

Aside from that convenience, I have NO problem leaving my kids with, um, "strangers." DS is getting ready to start at DD's preschool next month, and he'll have the same teacher that she had when he was born. So, that "stranger" (and most of the other "strangers" at the school) has known him since birth. Poor kid, huh?

RHitch · December 2011

I am one of the parents that was blessed to have my children go to their grandparent's home during the day. I have had an awesome experience with it, and would not have it any other way. It is very convenient, a lot cheaper than daycare, and I feel comfortable knowing that my children are with their family all day.

With that being said, if they had to go to daycare, that wouldn't be a problem for me at all. I watched all 3 of my nephews go through daycare and it was such an awarding experience for all of them. They learned a ton, they started interacting with children outside of their family at a very young age, and they had great relationships with their teachers.

Now that DD is 3 years old, she is in PS full-time 2 days a week. She was already taught a lot of her academics from us and her grandparents, but she is just now learning how to follow directions from someone other than us, how to focus in a group setting, and how to socialize with her peers. Although we haven't had any issues, I do think the transition would have been easier coming from daycare than her grandparent's house.

boogerbearoriginal · December 2011

Another bonus to daycare vs. family - if you have issues it doesn't ruin family relationships.

stellamarina · December 2011

Let me preface by saying I am a lurker and I get some great advice on here just reading other posts. I don't usually get riled up but how did it go from defending daycare to then making it sound like grandparents as caregivers is a negative thing? I would never have an issue with daycare if that was our choice or our necessity. I DO consider myself very lucky that my parents watch DS when DH and I are working. I feel very lucky that my parents WANT to be with my DS and my nephew a few days a week. I of course don't agree with the "strangers watching my LO" idea. I know that's not true. And I know I would love and be so grateful for whoever DS's caregivers were. But to assume that grandparents are old fashioned, won't adhere to our parenting rules, that it will ruin family relationships, etc is not fair either. There are pros and cons to both, absolutely!

Bella427 · December 2011

"Yes, there are some daycares that aren't that great, but there are also some relatives that aren't that great. It's all about finding the right one."

Exactly. I should take the "vs." out of the post title. I just got defensive because I love our daycare so much. Plenty of grandparents do a great job and plenty of daycares do a great job. We're all just trying to make the right choices for our family, given our own specific situations. Hope you feel better, duchess! And congrats on the new baby!

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