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MrsBeckO
member
If you were the mother of a special needs child in preschool/daycare...
MrsBeckO
member
I want to see what the masses (or just you guys) think about this...
Let's say you had a very sweet, special needs child who was 2 1/2 years old and in the Infant class at daycare because of his delayed motor skills (at about a 10 month old's level). This daycare keeps portfolios for each child throughout the year that include artwork, notes from teachers, and a developmental record of milestones. This developmental record is broken down into ages by 0-4 months, 4-6, 6-9, and 9-12 months.
You are very well aware that your child may never accomplish some of the milestones listed, and the ones that your child will (or has already) hit definitely will not be (or were not) in the suggested window of time.
Would your feelings be hurt if the teacher included this list in your child's portfolio, where a good majority of the things initialed and commented on will have to be left blank or have dates that don't coincide with the age listed? Or would you prefer that teacher to sort of create a more personalized list of milestones for your child?
FWIW, I'm in the "more personalized" camp but some of the teachers I work with think we should keep the same list as everyone else. We have an Open House this week where parents will have the chance to look through their kiddo's binders and I just feel like keeping this school-wide list in there for this super awesome, sweet kid is just insulting to him and his family.
Am I over-thinking this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If you were the mother of a special needs child in preschool/daycare...
You are so kind to be thinking about this. Speaking from a therapists perspective, I would most definitely not use the standardized list. Those parents KNOW what their child is not achieving, for heaven's sake. I would create a personalized list that focused on what progress the child had made. You know, if he's sitting, maybe he went from sitting unassisted for a minute, and now you notice he can sit for at least 2 minutes. You'll probably have to think a little harder about more subtle things that the child has improved on--head strength/control, grasping objects, visual tracking, babbling, attention to task, social interaction--these are all some general categories that may be addressed on that list. They definitely don't need the age-equivalent listed next to it since he's so behind.
For the teachers who think he should get the generic list, I would ask: why does his care provider need to be the one to remind these parents that their child is behind and different. It's not like they're in denial. It would mean so much to me as a parent to know that my child's care providers were focusing on what he CAN do, how far he HAS come, etc. No need to highlight how delayed he is.
ditto flymansWife.
Depending on the particular special needs, there may be a form specifically designed for the milestone ranges for that particular issue. I know there are forms out there for children with Down syndorme for example.
Honestly? I would talk to the parents about what they would feel is more appropriate in communicating their child's development.
Present them with the standard list but politely/gently tell them that if they feel a more personalized list of milestones would better help them (and you, the teachers) better and more effectively display the milestones he has already achieved and give you a guide for what milestones are next up "on the radar" then it is no problem for the school to do that for him.
On one hand I'm sure they want him to be treated "no differently" than any other student but the fact that you would be willing to give him more personalized/specialized attention (even if they don't take you up on it) would probably go a long way.
Our school has its own set of developmental lists that go along with all our lesson plans/curriculum, classroom elements, specialty rooms in the school, etc.
But I wonder if I can find a list online or somewhere that I can just use as a guide. I don't want to post much info about his specific needs, you know - privacy laws, and all... but I'll see what I can dig up in the way of lists and goals and milestones.
Thanks, guys.
I tend to overanalyze everything all the time, so I wanted to be sure I wasn't creating more work for myself for nothing. Glad to know I'm not, and I'd be happy to do this for him - he is seriously the sweetest little guy!
The O'Baby Blog
This is what the other teachers I asked were saying, that his parents probably want him treated the same as everyone else.
The O'Baby Blog
Right. And I absolutely see both sides of the coin. But I definitely don't see any harm in asking the parents what they prefer. IMO it really depends on their stance and if they could possibly take offense to the fact that you're making exceptions for their child, KWIM? I know you're coming from the best place possible but I would just hate for them to take it the wrong way.
This is a tough one because on one hand, I want to hear how my child is doing / see progress, etc. But on the other, it can be very hard to have a special needs child constantly compared to typical peers. For many parents, it will depend on where they are in their particular journey. I'm of the "ask the parents what they prefer" camp. It can be really hard for outsiders to know what is correct or incorrect when communication about special needs. Staying away from the word "normal" helps, the word typical is much more accepted. I mention that because before dealing with a major speech loss and development regression in ds, that would have never occurred to me. So asking if they want "a typical development chart" chart might be better than asking if they want "a normal development chart". Personally, and this is just me, I'd want both. I would want my child treated the same, and I would want to celebrate each and every box checked, but I'd also want an area for notes that could talk about what my child is doing well and excelling at! This is one the reasons I love this school, I get the lesson plan in advance to head off any food / allergy issues and I get a note about how ds is doing, specific to him, for the week. I still have questions about the development - in fact - just last Thursday we talked about his speech in comparison to his peers in class and that was super helpful.
All that to say, some parents may want it in front of them every week, and some may not, it really depends on their child, how they are coping and where they are in their process of grieving "normal"....cause we all do in our own ways.
In response to pp, I honestly wouldn't take it the wrong way, I'd appreciate the teacher was being compassionate. Not talking about it or communicating about it openly, is never the right answer
52 Choices For Better Health
This! and not knowing these parents of course I can tell you I would want a specialized report and the parents I know of special needs kids I pretty sure would also.
Here is a great letter one of my friends posted on FB, her daughter has downs.
https://flappinessis.com/2011/12/01/an-apology-from-your-childs-former-teacher/
...and that made me cry. Excellent letter. Excellent eye-opener.
I think I will talk to Mom tomorrow and see where she stands on this before Open House.
Thanks for all your opinions.
The O'Baby Blog
Me three!
52 Choices For Better Health
I have not read the other responses so not sure what the majority vote is but from my personal experience, I definitely vote for a "personalized" list.
Yes, I know that my DD is delayed and am very aware of her abilities, but it is SOOOO hurtful to see it on paper in black and white that my 3 year old daughter's abilities are the same as a 9 month old child. It's rattled off like it is no big deal, but this is my child. It makes me cringe inside every time that I have an IEP meeting and we have to discuss those things and a little piece of my heart breaks every time.
No, it's not necessary and the parent will be fine with the standard list but big kuddos to you for thinking outside of the box and being so considerate of the parent's feelings.