I was so excited to finally find and join my local ICAN chapter, especially after achieving a VBAC. I thought I could be a great help and encouragement to local women wanting a VBAC and couldn't wait to start posting and reading on their boards.
I feel like SUCH an outsider though because they all advocate for home births with a midwife and a doula, and pretty much shun all hospital births and OBs. I think that's a great option for some moms, don't get me wrong, but here they make it seem like the superior option and you suck unless you have a med-free homebirth.
When new moms come on the boards asking for an OB recommendation because they'd like a hospital VBAC option, the girls all rally to try to convince them to use a certain midwife and doula and that they must do it at home. My suggestions of what OBs and hospitals to use just kind of sit there all alone looking silly against all these HBACer advocates.
I was just always under the assumption ICAN was to advocate and educate women, not push home births, placenta eating, breastfeeding, AP techniques on new moms.. but that's exactly what mine does. I could never feel comfortable going to a meeting since I had a hospital birth, with an epidural, formula feed and don't co-sleep.
Re: Are all ICAN chapters like this?
Mine isn't QUITE that bad but there are many HBAcer there and the practical midwives (the ones who do home births) come to the meetings. I went to one meeting because they knew I had a VBAC and wanted to hear the story. The mead of the chapter was excited because she really wanted someone who had delivered with my midwife in the hospital to offer that perspective.
Many of the women were excited and several wanted to know about my provider, specifically. But there were a few that kept interrupting me and saying things like "So, why didn't you do a homebirth?" (in a not-so-friendly tone). When I got to the part that I was induced with pit, one of the PMs there made a point to announce that this is really rare and most hospitals force a c/s at that point which is why home is better.
So, I'd say that my chapter is split. I think many of the women who I talked to ultimately chose my hospital. I agree that homebirth is a great option, it just wasn't for me. And I shouldn't be made to feel that I made an inferior choice because of that. Luckily our provider list has BOTH options on it.
We're in the same chapter and I'd say they seemed fairly neutral at the VBAC forum two weeks ago. They had one hospital VBACer there and one HBACer there to tell their stories. Maybe they toned it down once they saw that 4 of the 5 couples there were going for hospital VBACs. They also made some good hospital recommendations.
The one point they did stress was that if you want to go past 41weeks, you really have to choose a home birth in our area.
There was no discussion of BF, Co-sleeping, clothing diapering, etc. But again, the forum was about VBAC.
Mrs Victoria - we liked hearing your story here. So, feel free to hang around and retell it. I thrive on all success stories.
It's possible they have changed all together. I only went to that one meeting and it was over a year ago. I think there has been a swing in our area toward hospital births since then so maybe part of the reason they invited me was to get more of that perspective. There were at least three women there who were staunchly against hospital births and there were 8 women at the meeting, so their voices were heard quite a bit. The woman who invited me was very nice:-)
And I agree, they only discussed VBAC, no other topics came up.
I'm lucky that my local ICAN is not like this. We have a great group of MWs in a local hospital that are completely pro-VBAC so I think that helps. Of course, a lot of the women advocate homebirths, etc., but it isn't all one-sided.
I do think that your local chapter is lucky to have you involved BECAUSE you can bring the other side to the table. Stick with 'em, the ladies in your area that want to VBAC need you!
well ladies, think of it this way...
You can be the one voice in your local chapter who is actually willing to offer other options for those who will not or cannot for health reasons do home birth. Who cares if they look down their noses at you. There will be other ladies out there who need your advice and support, instead of their annoying overbearing opinion.
Or perhaps its time for a new organization that advocates a happy middle road?
"placenta eating"... thank you for making me giggle.
I know that every organization has members who are on the FAR side of the concept, and those who are on their " personal journeys." I had a terrible experience with my local ICAN chapter when I delivered my first son. I had to make a decision about scheduling a c/s because my first baby was estimated to be very large at 40 weeks. I called them to find out more so I would make an informed decision.
Once I actually decided to have a c/s, the woman (ICAN LEADER) I talked with started harassing me with phone calls and emails--telling me TERRIBLE things, all the way up to the night before my c/s, trying to change my mind about the c/s. It was very stressful and upsetting to me. I made the right decision for myself by having a c/s with my 10lb 7 oz baby the first time.
This time I decided to try for VBAC (at hospital), but I would never call ICAN. I always caution those interested to make sure they are talking with someone who makes them feel comfortable and not judged. It is probably very good that you are there at meetings and it may be hard, but you need to share your story if you can handle feeling a little off-put. I wonder if you would feel comfortable talking to the other group members about this -- your perspective and experience is equally important.I'm in the same ICAN Chapter you're in and i totally understand what you mean bc i'm one of those moms looking for an VBAC friendly OB and need a hospital birth. However, I also understand where the HBACers are coming from. The chance of having a successful hospital VBAC in Florida, is extremely low. While i don't think they willingly mean to isolate anyone, i don't feel that they're a welcoming group either. I have seen one woman in particular really push the HBAC option on one mom even after she made it clear she wanted a hospital birth. That simply goes agains ICAN's mission and it simply pushes some people away. I recently moved back to FL from NoVA where i was part of an amazing ICAN group and i too was excited to meet with the group and get support as i heal from my CBAC. I've missed my NoVA group dearly and one day when i was in major need of support, i emailed the group my intro and story and got nothing in return; well, not true, i got one reply, that's it, just one! I felt completely ignored and not at all welcomed; needless to say i've never bothered to attend a meeting. You should however keep sharing your success story as it's a real triumph and surely an inspiration for many women hoping to VBAC at a hospital.
They invited me to that forum on November 12th on FB but I didn't go. I had NO desire to drive that far.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage