stranger danger...how to teach?

amyb05 · December 2011

I feel like I am a little at a loss of how to teach this without instilling to much fear of strangers at an early age. I have talked to the kids about not answering the door, not going with people they dont know, how to tell me there is a stranger, talked about people we can usually trust- policeman, fireman etc, but here is what happened and I am not sure how to proceed.

EB was admitted to CHOA Friday and it was a long process. E was with me as DH was travelling. Between the tests, results, decision to admit, it was a long day. For the most part, E was really good, but was nearing his end. A sweet nurse came by and started to talking to him while I was consoling EB. E said he wanted to go with her. She asked him if he was sure and wouldnt he be scared without his Mom and he said of course he wanted to go with her and he is never scared. And so he walked off with her. She took him to the nurses station and showed him some holiday stuff etc. She brought him back within a few minutes. I was in no situation to deal with stranger danger. I was up to my eyeballs dealing with EB, doctors etc. E is a very trusting kid and for the most part, quite fearless. He honestly had no clue she would be considered a stranger.

So, how do you/did you teach this? I want my kids to be friendly, polite etc to strangers/ people I introduce them to, but how do I teach the potential danger aspect? Maybe they are just a bit too young... no clue! Help! I remember what my parents taught and it was effective, but I was older.

maykat · December 2011

We have been teaching Alec at home and at school. He's 4.5 and it's just not sinking in entirely. After my speal, I asked him what would he do if a nice man offered him candy and cars to come with him and he said he would go with him

Other times, everytime he sees someone he knows, he immediately says they are not nice. I'm also trying to teach him not to judge others until he gets to know them.

Can't win!!

If anyone has effective books or dvds, let me know.

Kerrin · December 2011

i dunno. I just took a very direct and scary approach and started telling them at a very early age (probably 2 years) that there are bad people out there that would try to snatch them. And they will act really nice and try to give you candy and toys and they want you to go with them and ride in their car. I didn't tell them about what could happen to them once they've been snatched (but did tell them that they may never see mommy and daddy again), but remind them every time we are out to stay close to me b/c someone could try to take them.

The last time there was a creep cruising around in our area looking for kids I told Carter to tell me if he ever saw a car like xyz truck b/c there were bad people in it and to be very careful. I feel like he gets it.

We've gone over what to do if someone tries to get them and I think it's been a success. They don't have an overwhelming fear of strangers, but they know that strangers can be dangerous and take them away. I don't know if being very direct was the best approach, but I'm pretty blunt with them so it worked for us.

donna&ed · December 2011

I worry about this too because W is so friendly. The whole Canton deal freaked me out a lot. I'm sure it's not the best way but I finally told W last weekend while we were at Sports Authority to make sure he stay with me because there are people out there who takes kids and are not nice to them.

Would love to hear everybody's suggestion.

Melliebugs · December 2011

There is a new approach to teaching kids how to be safe. R.A.D. kids is one way. https://www.radkids.org/ they really suggest teaching about good touch/bad touch etc.. Teaches that it can be people you know that can be bad. I took the hard approach with the kids from the beginning. I also taught the kids that if they are ever lost that they should find a mommy (I made sure they knew what that meant). Noah knows Karate so he can protect himself to some extent, and I have looked into a self defense class for Kate. I took one and OMG I learned a lot.

Melliebugs · December 2011

Also I hope that EB is doing ok!

MLvK · December 2011

I teach Evie that she can't go with someone unless I say its ok. Because half of my family are strangers to her. But she sees the mailman every day and I don't want her to go off with him.

I hope EB is ok!

Mrs.Guz · December 2011

The girl up in canton terrifies me to death! Abigail is so outgoing and is immediate bet buds with anyone who talks to her. We are teaching her about good touch and bad touch and what to do if someone tries to touch her somewhere they arent supposed to. But at 3, doubt much is sinking in. Im going to have to read up on the RAD that Mel posted, because I'm just at a lot.

TobeaPurvis · December 2011

Definitely look into RAD kids. They are also getting away from teaching "stranger" danger since sadly people they know can hurt them. As horrible as the show can be, the Bert Show just did a segment on this after the tragic event in Canton and it was very informative. Some of the best points that I got from it that were good, especially for young kids, were that adults don't ask children for help, they ask other adults and to have buzz words that only trusted adults would know to repeat to the kids. I think the whole segment is online still and is definitely worth a listen!

Pecswife · December 2011

Kerrin:
i dunno. I just took a very direct and scary approach and started telling them at a very early age (probably 2 years) that there are bad people out there that would try to snatch them. And they will act really nice and try to give you candy and toys and they want you to go with them and ride in their car. I didn't tell them about what could happen to them once they've been snatched (but did tell them that they may never see mommy and daddy again), but remind them every time we are out to stay close to me b/c someone could try to take them.

Ditto this. I scare my kids. They now know to run the opposite and scream if anybody calls them to them. Whether or not they will do it I dont know but I hope the situation never arises.

I plan on putting them in classes to self defend when they get a certain age.

I didn't grow up here and on my small island your child could be in an entirely different aisle at the grocery store and it wouldn't matter. I HAD to scare Nkosi when we moved here. I even showed him pictures of missing kids. I guess I have my dad's "no sugar on top" mentality. As he got older I did tell him what sick people can do to him if they take him. To this day at 12 years old I tell him all things are still possible.

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