XXP: Parenting and Santa Claus....

emmasue18 · December 2011

So DH and I have been considering the idea of telling DS from the start that Santa Claus is not real, just parents that carry on the tradition of St. Nick. My parents think this is the most ridiculous thing ever, and are actually pretty angry with us for robbing DS of this..

Our reasoning is that we never want DS to feel lied to, by us, at such a critical time in his development. Also, we want him to focus more on the birth of Christ and it's relation to Christmas (sorry if that offends anyone) rather than Santa and gifts. Although, we would still get him Christmas presents.

We are firm that we are not doing the Easter bunny. We feel that is ridiculous and completely takes away from the entire point of Easter. He can still go on egg hunts, color eggs, get candy---we want him to be a kid!

The other side of this though is that DS is getting a cousin in March. My brother and his wife ARE doing the whole Santa thing and obviously if our child knows the truth it could very well ruin it for any children my siblings have and of course any children our boys go to school with. I taught a four year old preschool class and three kids knew the truth, it DID ruin it for a lot of kids and I saw how absolutely heartbroken they were when there parents had "that talk" with them.

Do you think I'm evil for robbing my child of this? I really just want to save him from this heartbreak that I literally cried for days about. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, you will NOT offend me!! :-)

TIA and have a Merry, Merry Christmas!!

michelle_1221 · December 2011

We have some neighbors that have taken this approach and it does feel like their kids have missed something. They kids are very good at keeping their "secret" that they know the truth, but IMO, it is possible to keep balance and let your kids experience this part of their childhood. Something to think about, I don't personally know any children or adults that have trust issues with their parents over the lie of Santa. Perhaps this is something you're overthinking.

I agree 100% that this should not and does not have to be the entire focus on the season, we will have a tradition to see the live nativity scenes, do for others, attend church more during this season, etc... I think these sort of activities, along with balance of the amount of "holiday" movies/shows, can help. And obviously, the quantity and amount of gifts can also help focus the holiday to the real reason. Just some ideas and thoughts. Whatever you decide, it's your decision and I don't think it makes you "evil". Good luck!

emmasue18 · December 2011

michelle_1221:

We have some neighbors that have taken this approach and it does feel like their kids have missed something. They kids are very good at keeping their "secret" that they know the truth, but IMO, it is possible to keep balance and let your kids experience this part of their childhood. Something to think about, I don't personally know any children or adults that have trust issues with their parents over the lie of Santa. Perhaps this is something you're overthinking.

I agree 100% that this should not and does not have to be the entire focus on the season, we will have a tradition to see the live nativity scenes, do for others, attend church more during this season, etc... I think these sort of activities, along with balance of the amount of "holiday" movies/shows, can help. And obviously, the quantity and amount of gifts can also help focus the holiday to the real reason. Just some ideas and thoughts. Whatever you decide, it's your decision and I don't think it makes you "evil". Good luck!

I was VERY upset with my parents over this. I got over it in a couple weeks but that trumps any memory I have of "waiting up for Santa". Also, when DH's mother told him the truth, he questioned if Jesus was real too. I think maybe we were just both so traumatized by it, we want it to be better for our children?

Right now DS hates Santa and screams every time he sees a Santa suit. Literally. Maybe next year, when he is actually talking about it, I will feel differently. Obviously, I am doubting our discussion about it or I would not have posted here! Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciate it!

julesjarvais65 · December 2011

I agree with PP. I think if you don't want it to focus on Santa and presents, just make sure you are teaching your child about the birth of Christ and the religious backgroud of it. Another good thing would be to focus on spending time with the family more than the presents part and, if you guys do this and can afford it, show how giving/helping others is also important rather than receiving by giving to the less fortunate at this time and explaining why you are doing so.

Sascha3 · December 2011

I have no idea what I am going to do about Santa and Christmas.

My husband was raised Jehovah's Witness and never celebrated the holiday due to the pagan origins. I was raised agnostic and always thought of the holiday as a fun time of year, but the religious background of the holiday was never emphasized for me.

I still like to celebrate Christmas in my small way. I have never made a big deal about it. I put up a tree because I like the way it looks. And I buy my daughter presents. I will participate in work parties, stuff like that, but I really don't get anyone else presents. It has been just me and my daughter for so long that it is just our little twosome family with our little presents and we like to go out to a fancy dinner after. I came from a teeny tiny family and most of them have passed away, and none live anywhere near me. My husband doesn't want to participate really, but he will go along with it. Sometimes we get him presents too. Out of respect for him, I do not go over the top because like I said, it is not a big deal for me anyways.

I am not sure what I will do with our baby. I probably will still keep doing my little celebration, but I will keep the religious factor out of it out of respect for him, and since I don't really care anyways. I will probably downplay the Santa part of it for the same reasons. I will just look at it as a special mommy-daughter day. Same goes for the birthdays, although I will make a bigger deal out of them. He usually still does things for me for my birthday, even though he wasn't raised that way, so Im sure he will be more comfortable with that.

lp0 · December 2011

I am a firm believer of letting children be children. I was raised catholic and Christ was always a main aspect of Christmas in our home. But there is something to be said for the magic believing in Santa brings to little kids that can't be traded for anything. I found out there was no Santa from my best friend in fourth grade. She called me bawling her eyes out when her Sunday school teacher told her entire class that there was no Santa. I then bawled my eyes out to my parents when we got off the phone. I was never angry at my parents for "lying" to me about Santa but I was angry at her Sunday school teacher. I felt it took away from the excitement of Christmas and it has never been the same. We don't have any children in our family so I am beyond excited to have that magic back with our lo. I don't see any harm in believing so why not teach your lo about both Christ and Santa and have the best of both worlds.

lp0 · December 2011

It's funny that I just found this news article right after I responded to your post. Guess blowing the whistle on Santa is a bigger deal then it used to be. Just thought I'd share.

emmasue18 · December 2011

LP0198:
It's funny that I just found this news article right after I responded to your post. Guess blowing the whistle on Santa is a bigger deal then it used to be. Just thought I'd share.

Oh wow, certainly don't want DS to end up in the principal's office over this. tee hee. I think we decided we're going to celebrate Santa anyways. We are just going to get creative with it to make sure DS knows the real reason (for us) for the season.

Sascha3 · December 2011

emmasue18:

LP0198:
It's funny that I just found this news article right after I responded to your post. Guess blowing the whistle on Santa is a bigger deal then it used to be. Just thought I'd share.

Oh wow, certainly don't want DS to end up in the principal's office over this. tee hee. I think we decided we're going to celebrate Santa anyways. We are just going to get creative with it to make sure DS knows the real reason (for us) for the season.

Maybe just teach him about the spirit of Santa and what he represents, without letting him think Santa actually flies around the world and comes down your chimney. So he can still get excited over Santa:)

Cleo29 · December 2011

I would have believed in Santa forever if I could have. lol My mom never had to really explain it to me, I eventually figured it out and never felt lied to by my mom. I feel, and I know my mom does too, that Santa represents the magic of the season and that is what I will tell my daughter when she figures it out. And, also believing in something without seeing or getting proof, which if you think about is a lot like Christianity.

I also grew up knowing the importance of the religious aspect of the holiday, so that was not lost on me.

I think that there is something great in letting your child believe in something just because is special and important. There are enough realities in life that they will face and I think just letting them get excited about Santa and the spirit of giving is a good thing.

JaredandKatie · December 2011

This is crazy...I JUST got done sending an email to a friend about this. This is a copy and paste of part of that email:

Jared and I have had several conversations about santa. Obviously, the reason we celebrate Christmas is to celebrate the coming of Jesus and to anticipate his second coming. That is most important to us and our prayer is that our children will celebrate that with us and will do so into adulthood. At the same time, we aren't going to reject the fun in a make-believe man and the stories that come along with him. I also don't want to poo-poo something our society has fun with...even if they put too much emphasis on it. I feel like it would be a great opportunity of modeling what a redeemed view of santa would look like. I love the God-given imagination that I see emerging in [our daughter] and I think it's ok to let her have fun with it (even if she knows he's not actually a real man, there's still fun to be had). We'll tell her stories of St. Nick and how generous and kind he was and how the story of santa kind of came from that. On the flip-side, there are things that we won't encourage (i.e. "if you're good, you're going to get xyz.", "if you're naughty, you don't get xyz").

This article was really helpful to me as well: https://blog.marshill.com/2010/12/13/what-we-tell-our-kids-about-santa-pastor-mark-for-the-washington-post/

You shouldn't make your decision on what your parents feel is right. You need to uphold your convictions if you feel a certain way. If you're surrounded by a community of people that love Jesus, it's probably a good idea to hash this out with them.

Merry Christmas!

Kelmarwil · December 2011

I was not raised to believe in Santa Claus. Actually, I had no idea who Santa was until I went to school. However, I never ruined it for anybody because I had no idea other kids actually thought he was real. I was entirely clueless. I still enjoyed Christmas a lot as a child, and never really thought I missed out on anything. However, my H is for her believing in Santa, so we will see how it goes. I am not against it, but not really for it completely either. So, if he wants it, I have decided he is more in charge of it and I will not ruin it for her and him.

Either way, I don't think it needs to be either that you are lying to your kids or stealing their joy. Christmas spirit is all what you make it about. If you get excited about Christmas, most likely your LO will be too and you can include them in on all the fun. They can still learn about the spirit of giving either way. Whatever values you want to instill in your children is between you and your H, and in no way does it make you bad parents if you choose to not include Santa with Christmas.

pottermommy · December 2011

Hey ladies, I usually post on PGAL but I am a Jan mama so I thought I would chime in. We too were a little concerned with the Santa aspect with my SD (DH has had custody of her since birth I have been with her since 14 mos) we made a middle road.

She understands that Jesus is in heaven and the cross and Easter, she understands that once you go to heaven you stay in heaven. (BTW she is 7 now but we taught this young)

We told her that Christmas is Jesus' birthday and we all celebrate with him. Now when we have birthday's we get presents and cake and parties but Jesus is in heaven and can not come down to be with us on his birthday and he loves everyone on the world so so much that he wants us to have a happy day with him and to have fun and joy.

So for the little children that believe, Santa comes and brings gifts to all. He helps us celebrate, Jesus wants us all to share in his gifts because he loves us so so much.

This year she asked us if Santa was real, I asked her if she believed in God, she said yes, I asked if she had seen him, she said no, I asked if everyone believed in God, she said no. In response I told her that every person believes in different things and we hold them in our heart. God lives in her heart because she wants him too, you have to ask him if you want him there, you make the choice to believe. Does she want Santa to be real? She said yes, well then, yes, in your heart, and your life Santa is real, because you believe, and you allow anyone else who wnats to believe to believe too..

Now all that being said, we don't tell her if she is bad Santa won't come..We told her he is here to celebrate Jesus' birthday and Jesus loves you no matter what so he wouldn't take presents away b/c of behavior. SOrry so long just thought I would tell you how we went about it.

Kristine Schilling · December 2011

I have to agree with one of the PP's about letting children be children. I was raised in an agnostic, almost atheistic home. My husband was raised nominally catholic (long story) Growing up, I was told Santa brought gifts to good children as a reward for the good behavior. And that christmas was about giving to those who either deserved it, or had a need. (IE families in need) We never touched on the religious aspect of christmas, or easter for that matter.

I can honestly say that the main reason my family did celebrate christmas and easter, both religious holidays, was because they didnt want the children to feel left out at school or among their peer groups.

It did not destroy me when I learned santa (or the bunny) was not real. I didnt cry, I accepted it because well, for me it just ment that my parents were being more giving than I thought. After all, giving was what they taught me christmas was about right?

talitha712 · December 2011

We won't be doing Santa with our kid(s), and we have several friends who don't do Santa either. My mom thinks we're crazy, but it's something we feel pretty strongly about, even though we both grew up with Santa. We also won't be going crazy with tons of gifts either. DH and I already have a low budget for the two of us, and plan on also having a low budget for our child(ren).

Here's something a friend of mine posted on FB recently that I found helpful in articulating some of the reasons we won't be doing Santa, as well as just some interesting things to think about.

https://www.jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/29/the-christmas-conundrum

MrsLeanna · December 2011

This will be my daughter's 4th Christmas, and every year it gets better. When she wakes up Christmas morning and sees all those gifts under the tree for her and believes that they were brought there by magic by Santa, the look on her face is PRICELESS! It is something that I could never explain to you, but as a parent there is no way that I would rob her of believing in that magic. It is such a special moment. I can't wait for this year because every year she gets it a little more. As the mom of an almost 4 year old I can tell you that if you think you're never going to lie, you're being naive. I lie to me daughter all the time out of necessity, I think all parents do, and trust me I am not doing any kind of psychological damage. "the toy store is closed, we can't go right now" or any number of reasons she needs to fall asleep, etc. It makes some things easier, and trying to reason with a kid that age is impossible so we do what we have to.

What about Disney and the characters, what will you tell your kids about that? When they go meet them, will you explain that they're just people dressed in costumes or will you let them believe that it's Mickey giving them a hug or Belle waving at them? Because my daughter believes that it's really the princesses or the characters that she's meeting and hugging, am I lying? Yes. Do I feel badly about it? Not even a little because she gets such joy out of it.

I think it's possible to teach kids about Jesus and still believe in Santa. If you don't want to then it's your choice but you asked for opinions and I think not letting kids believe in Santa is robbing them of something.

shortstuff15 · December 2011

We always knew as kids that Santa wasn't real and we actually never even got Santa presents ever! None of us kids (there are 4 in our family) ever felt robbed at all. We are not allowing our child to believe in Santa, we will be doing what you are doing. Santa will still be a fun part of Christmas (we can sing songs, read books, they get one gift from him, etc....) but they will always know that Santa isn't real. I don't think it has to ruin it for other kids though. Just tell your kids that some people do believe in Santa and it isn't their place to tell them otherwise!

KitKat83 · December 2011

We will definitely do the Santa thing with our kids. I cherish that part of my own childhood, and I think I was 9 or 10 before I found out that he wasn't real (I used reverse psychology on my mom when one of my friends heard from their friend that he wasn't real). Of course I was upset about it, but looking back at all the Christmas Eve's I spent trying sooo hard to stay awake so I could at least hear him or something, I wouldn't trade it for the world! It was just so exciting. My parents would let me believe in anything I wanted to, they were so supportive that way. I believed that the miniature village at my grandma's house would come alive at midnight, (I also made my mom remove all stuffed animals/dolls from my bedroom at night for this same reason). There is just something so magical about the idea of Santa, Mrs. Claus, the elves and the north pole. I still love Santa to this very day!!

I also know that I would never trust my kid enough to not tell their friends that Santa wasn't real if we chose not to let them believe. Friends (no matter what age) tell their friends everything. It would be asking a lot for a 5 or 6 year old to understand the whole concept that some kids do believe he's real and not to tell them. Pretty much our whole class (20ish people) found out the truth at the same time except one girl who was extremely religious and didn't believe in Santa, halloween, tooth fairies, or Easter bunnies. The rest of us all wrote her off as crazy, who knew? Word does get around fast in elementary school though.

SoonToBeMsP · December 2011

LP0198:
I am a firm believer of letting children be children. I was raised catholic and Christ was always a main aspect of Christmas in our home. But there is something to be said for the magic believing in Santa brings to little kids that can't be traded for anything. .

I especially agree with this. I was also raised Catholic and understand the main aspect of Christmas, but I still enjoyed getting a present here and there from Santa. And I don't have trust issues with my mom, because I see it as her preserving my childhood.

We'll be doing all those things because I think as a parent it would be fun. I want to pass that on!!

Thinkerbelle80 · December 2011

I feel the exact same way as you do about it but my husband does not agree. I really don't like the idea of Santa Claus and I don't know how I can tell my kid believe in God though you can't see him but Santa is all made up. Why is God real and Santa isn't? My husband feels the way your parents feel. I grew up believing in Santa and it never made me question religion and it wasn't traumatic so I'll do what my husband wants but we are NOT making Santa a big deal. There will be only one present from Santa and the rest will be from us and Santa will give a present whether my child is good or bad. I'm not teaching that whole naughty/nice thing. I don't want them to think you only give things to people you like. Also, I don't want to directly tell my child about Santa. When they ask about him, I won't say he doesn't exist but I'm certainly not going to tell stories about Santa coming to visit and stuff.

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