Guys, I want to stop BFing. Talk to me.

RomeRomance06 · December 2011

I really want to stop. I don't have a particular problem or issue, although my supply has been dipping lately. DCP has been hoarding my BM apparently so she has like 80 oz. in her freezer, which I'm actually grateful for but it's got me thinking that I might want to start weaning. I'm just done. I've enjoyed BFing DD but the pumping at work is just so time consuming (I have to go to a nursing area) and I want to take the time to do other things, like work out on my lunch break; I pump every night so I can add a few extra ounces to the stash and I'm tired of it all. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has gone through this or there are some who resent that I want to stop because they couldn't breastfeed at all. But it is what it is. DH doesn't want me to stop and wants me to try and go a year. DD is a great eater - eats any solids we put in front of her (she ate salmon last night like it was her last meal ever) and she has no problems with formula. *sigh* Talk to me. Tell me to stick it out.

smacb · December 2011

Do what's best for you. If you have a stash it will last a while. My only advice is to wean gradually, it makes the whole thing less painful. With my son, I dropped a feeding every week or so until I was down to one. I had one day I was uncomfortable, but that was it.

BirdGirl01 · December 2011

It's entirely up to you. I have to say though that if my DH pushed me to continue, I would have punched him. (I know that's not what you're saying, it just struck a chord withe me because I know how I felt at 7 months.) I was really ready to be done when I stopped at 7 months. I don't regret my decision at all. I really just needed my body back at that point. If it's important to you to try to make it to a year, by all means, I would try. It's definitely good for your DD. But if you're done, you're done, and there's nothing wrong with that either. DD continued to thrive once we switched to formula.

ch ch ch chia · December 2011

I didn't breastfeed because I couldn't, and I don't resent you!

Honestly, if you feel like stopping, you shouldn't feel guilty for stopping. No matter what the reason (or lack of reason) is.

vtkgirl77 · December 2011

You've made it to 8 months which is awesome. I say to do what's best for you. I stopped around 3-4 months with both kids for similar reasons and I have absolutely no regrets. For me, BFing and pumping added a lot of stress and I felt like I could be a better and more attentive mom if I stopped BFing.

It's a personal choice so I would just say to evaluate both options and see what you think is best for you and your family.

vml14 · December 2011

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could still nurse when you are with the LO, but do formula while you are away. It sounds like maybe the pumping is what is becoming too much for you, so why don't you cut that out? There are lots of moms who only nurse in the morning and evening during the week, and then all day on the weekends. But really think about whether it's the BF or the pumping that makes you want to stop. Then just find a balance that will work for you.

SoonToBeMrsDTS · December 2011

vml14:
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could still nurse when you are with the LO, but do formula while you are away. It sounds like maybe the pumping is what is becoming too much for you, so why don't you cut that out? There are lots of moms who only nurse in the morning and evening during the week, and then all day on the weekends. But really think about whether it's the BF or the pumping that makes you want to stop. Then just find a balance that will work for you.

Ditto this. Supplementing with formula might be your answer!

umdbride · December 2011

I could totally have written (or currently write?!) your post - it's exactly me too. I am SO tired of pumping and I feel like I pump more now than I ever have - 3x at work and 1x before bed....ugh, I want to throw the pump out the window!

I know my DH would also prefer we EBF, but he's also said it's up to me and that he wants me to do what's best for me and not stress about it. I love the idea of nursing at night/in the morning and not pumping/ff while at work. But, I'm scared my supply will go away completely if we try it, and I think it would make me sad if that happened and I couldn't nurse DS at all....so, I've been sticking it out.

I think it would be so much easier mentally if my supply just dried up - this in-between phase of being able to make it if I work really, really hard gives me a guilt trip about quitting. One day I think "I'm so done with this" another day I think "i'm glad i'm still nursing"

Sorry this might not help much, I'm trying to take it one day at a time and know there's only 2.5 months left. I also plan to talk to the pedi at my appointment this week about weaning a little early since DS eats so much food and really isn't as interested in milk lately.

tomandcourt · December 2011

vml14:
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could still nurse when you are with the LO, but do formula while you are away. It sounds like maybe the pumping is what is becoming too much for you, so why don't you cut that out? There are lots of moms who only nurse in the morning and evening during the week, and then all day on the weekends. But really think about whether it's the BF or the pumping that makes you want to stop. Then just find a balance that will work for you.

Ditto this suggestion. This also fits with the LLL "don't offer, don't refuse" policy. If you cut out pumping, you can just BF when *you* want to.

Also, FWIW, you will probably go through some hormonal changes, whenever you decide to stop. I was ready (J was 16 months and we were barely BFing other than for comfort), but I still got weepy and down and out of sorts for a bit. And I had weaned slowly.

DCtoLowcountry · December 2011

I agree with PP that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If pumping is the issue, you can wean yourself off the pumped feedings and replace with formula, and keep nursing when you and LO are together. It's up to you! Ultimately, know that any decision that keeps your LO fed and you healthy and sane is the best one for your family!

mcatmay · December 2011

Ditto what EVERYONE said - I would quit pumping, if i were you. I know that i hate pumping and i'm still only doing it every other day, not every day like you are. You know the reasons why breastfeeding is good - you don't need to tell us any of them! And you know that your LO will thrive on formula as well, as so many babies do. You both will be fine, whatever decision you come to.

However, if you're looking for encouragement, I can tell you that i didn't always like or love breastfeeding. It's finally come home to me that both DD and I get a lot out of it now that the little girl is in daycare - i didn't see the bond until then. I know that right now, i kind of get teary just thinking about weaning, but i'm a long ways away and i might feel differently at 8 months! For now, it's our way of reconnecting - and if that's what you want, i bet you can keep enough of a supply up to nurse at night and not have to pump during the day.

You've done great, mama! Give yourself license and room to come to whatever decision you want. It's YOUR decision, not DH's.

BirdGirl01 · December 2011

Ditto all the PPs. It didn't occur to me to mention that it doesn't have to be all or nothing b/c I was exclusively pumping. But if you're BFing, a mix is definitely possible.

belizeitornot · December 2011

I agree with all this. We shouldn't be talking you in to something that you don't want to do! Pumping is a drag. It's a time suck. I EP'd for 4.5 months because I had to and at 8 months I started cutting out sessions because I was just.so.tired of it. I knew I would be miserable trying to make it to a year doing it, and I weaned H entirely by 9.5 months. I had enough of a freezer stash that she will still get 1 bottle a day of BM until she's a year old.

Formula is not the devil. If you can supplement and nurse her when you want, sounds like the best of both worlds! Happy mama = happy baby.

WinesNotWhines · December 2011

I'm writing this from the perspective of someone who EBF and pumped for 1 year. Pumping SUCKS. I hated it. I stuck with it because I was stubborn, and also because M had a dairy/soy allergy which would have made giving formula much more difficult. But there is nothing wrong with giving formula or stopping pumping before 1 year.

I'll echo what other people suggested about weaning from the pump, but still nursing mornings, nights, and weekends. You can do it and still keep your supply. I did it for 4 months with no problems. If your main problem is with the pumping, then you can use your freezer stash and formula during the day and nurse when you're together. That may help you feel like you have some of your life back, but you'll still be giving LO the benefits of BM, and you'll still have the bond that comes with nursing.

The day I stopped pumping was a happy, happy day!

ak1234 · December 2011

Stop pumping, but keep nursing if it is just the pump you can't stand. I did the same thing around 8.5-9 months with LO#1. Pumping before that was ok because it gave me a few short breaks from work, but pumping 3 times a day and getting like 9 oz was just demoralizing for me. So I just stopped pumping, and nursed while I was with LO. It worked out great! I weaned him at exactly one year.

Hey Jellisy · December 2011

I'll echo what everyone else said, and say its your sanity that matters here, your LO will thrive regardless of your choice. Me, with DD I fretted so much that the stress made my supply dip. At 9 months I cut the pumping down to 2 sessions and supplemented one bottle a day at daycare and nursed all other times, I did the same with DS 2 months ago. With DD I just gradually weaned until she was 14.5 months and I was 10 weeks pregnant. At the end it was just in the evening and for comfort. I intend to let DS go as long as he wants, or until I get pregnant.

RomeRomance06 · December 2011

It's been said before, and often, but you guys are so supportive and helpful. Thank you for not making me feel like a bad mother.

I think I'm going to start weaning off the pump. I'm already down to 2 sessions a day at work anyway, since that's been enough for her at daycare, so I think I can go down to one session pretty easily and, then none.

The problem is this - DD takes a bottle of BM (sometimes formula, depending on my supply that day) at bedtime. This is something we started a long time ago, when she was just a newborn, because I was having a lot of pain/bleeding with BFing and I needed a break. We gave the bottle at bed time so DH could feed her and we just never stopped because we didn't want to upset the bedtime routine. Now, she knows - bottle means bedtime. Even when I'm doing bedtime, I give her the bottle and don't nurse. It's worked fine, but this means I'll only be nursing in the mornings during the week. She used to nurse as soon as we got home after daycare but she's not interested in that feeding as much anymore so I think that'll stop completely soon. I guess I can just pump once before bed to get that evening bottle and it'll be fine or give formula. I'll only be nursing once a day though and I don't know how much longer my supply will keep up. We'll see, I guess.She's been STTN for the last 2 months.

Again, thanks for all your support. I do like nursing DD, although these days she just doesn't seem all that interested in nursing anymore so I feel like that "bonding" is sort of dissipating anyway. She would much rather play with my face or laugh at my funny faces than nurse so I feel like I can still bond with her in other ways.

DCtoLowcountry · December 2011

This is coming from someone who had crappy low supply, but I was surprised when I dropped to just first and last feedings of the day that my body adjusted just fine. I had to drop those feedings intentionally.

2vthokies · December 2011

This is coming from the perspective of someone who EBF DD1 for 17 months (and pumped till she was 13 months) and who is still EBFing DD2 at almost 15 months (and is HOPING today will be the last day of pumping). I plan to keep BFing DD2 until 18 months unless she weans herself before then. After 18 months we'll reevaluate (I swear it seems like she will BF until she goes to college). She does get only one bottle at DCP and drinks *some* WCM, but she's not that in to it.

You need to do what you need to do, just don't quit on a bad day. If I were in your shoes, I would quit pumping and replace the bedtime bottle with BFing so you can continue to nurse until your DD is one (in the morning, evening and on weekends). All babies go through periods of seeming like they are not interested, but it's almost always a phase. Both DDs, around 9 months, became distracted and our sessions were short or skipped. They both came back easily.

I'm not trying to push you to keep BFing if you don't want to, just want to give you a pep talk if you need it. You know what the benefits are and they are even more important now that we're in prime cold/flu/RSV season. I know for me, when daytime feeding is less dependent on me and when I don't have to be a slave to pumping, life feels more free. It makes me feel like I can do what I want during the day but I still have my BFing relationship. It has been immensely helpful with teething and when they were sick. It has helped me calm a cranky baby when nothing else will work. Good luck with your decision.

MrsPhilDunphy · December 2011

2vthokies:

You need to do what you need to do, just don't quit on a bad day. If I were in your shoes, I would quit pumping and replace the bedtime bottle with BFing so you can continue to nurse until your DD is one (in the morning, evening and on weekends). All babies go through periods of seeming like they are not interested, but it's almost always a phase. Both DDs, around 9 months, became distracted and our sessions were short or skipped. They both came back easily.

I'm not trying to push you to keep BFing if you don't want to, just want to give you a pep talk if you need it. You know what the benefits are and they are even more important now that we're in prime cold/flu/RSV season. I know for me, when daytime feeding is less dependent on me and when I don't have to be a slave to pumping, life feels more free. It makes me feel like I can do what I want during the day but I still have my BFing relationship. It has been immensely helpful with teething and when they were sick. It has helped me calm a cranky baby when nothing else will work. Good luck with your decision.

So, I've been looking at this post all morning trying to think of a way to respond that didn't make me sound like a rabid bfing Nazi and this pretty much sums it up.

I also wanted to say that I think pretty much any bfing mom I know has had some kind of issue between 8-10 months. Whether it's supply issues or pumping fatigue or distracted kid or whatever. Just know that many, many moms have rough spots right around this time.

Only you can decide what's right for your family but I am so, so proud of myself for making it to the one year mark in bfing. Maybe I need to get a life or something, but it is literally one of my biggest accomplishments.

RomeRomance06 · December 2011

MrsPhilDunphy:
2vthokies:

You need to do what you need to do, just don't quit on a bad day. If I were in your shoes, I would quit pumping and replace the bedtime bottle with BFing so you can continue to nurse until your DD is one (in the morning, evening and on weekends). All babies go through periods of seeming like they are not interested, but it's almost always a phase. Both DDs, around 9 months, became distracted and our sessions were short or skipped. They both came back easily.

I'm not trying to push you to keep BFing if you don't want to, just want to give you a pep talk if you need it. You know what the benefits are and they are even more important now that we're in prime cold/flu/RSV season. I know for me, when daytime feeding is less dependent on me and when I don't have to be a slave to pumping, life feels more free. It makes me feel like I can do what I want during the day but I still have my BFing relationship. It has been immensely helpful with teething and when they were sick. It has helped me calm a cranky baby when nothing else will work. Good luck with your decision.

So, I've been looking at this post all morning trying to think of a way to respond that didn't make me sound like a rabid bfing Nazi and this pretty much sums it up.
I also wanted to say that I think pretty much any bfing mom I know has had some kind of issue between 8-10 months. Whether it's supply issues or pumping fatigue or distracted kid or whatever. Just know that many, many moms have rough spots right around this time.
Only you can decide what's right for your family but I am so, so proud of myself for making it to the one year mark in bfing. Maybe I need to get a life or something, but it is literally one of my biggest accomplishments.

Thanks, guys. This is really good advice and a good pep talk. I think it's really the pumping that is bothering me more than the actual nursing. But when I'm pumping and pumping all day and then I get home and she can barely stay on the boob for 30 seconds it feels a little demoralizing. I know she's getting my milk at daycare and that's what's important. I know the benefits and it's true that this time of year, it's more important to keep it going. I don't think I'll be going all or nothing, but I think I'll start weaning off the pump at the very least. Even if going down to one session at work, would make my life so much easier. Thanks again!

suecadence · December 2011

MrsPhilDunphy:

Only you can decide what's right for your family but I am so, so proud of myself for making it to the one year mark in bfing. Maybe I need to get a life or something, but it is literally one of my biggest accomplishments.

Ditto this. I am here to give you a pep talk! I don't want to sound like a nazi either but I breastfed until DS weaned himself at 16 months. There were certainly times when I really was over it, but I always thought "Well, we've made it this long without formula, I can do it a little longer." And then he turned 1 and we could start adding cow's milk and pumping became a lot more managable. Do what is best for you, but like vthokies said don't throw in the towel because of a stretch of fatigue.

Sofka · December 2011

your body produces the most milk in the morning so if you only nurse then, it'll be fine

you are an awesome Mom and your DD will thrive no matter what

(I wrote this eariler but apparently thenest ate my post!)

and if you do go to one year, you will be so so so proud of yourself, I know I was!! DS had a gazillion issues and I am super proud of nursing him to 13.5 (14mo for DD but oh well, I did the best I could)

Mrs.Handy · December 2011

suecadence:

MrsPhilDunphy:

Only you can decide what's right for your family but I am so, so proud of myself for making it to the one year mark in bfing. Maybe I need to get a life or something, but it is literally one of my biggest accomplishments.

Ditto this. I am here to give you a pep talk! I don't want to sound like a nazi either but I breastfed until DS weaned himself at 16 months. There were certainly times when I really was over it, but I always thought "Well, we've made it this long without formula, I can do it a little longer." And then he turned 1 and we could start adding cow's milk and pumping became a lot more managable. Do what is best for you, but like vthokies said don't throw in the towel because of a stretch of fatigue.

Definitely true. Things got a lot easier at 12 months. DS was very distracted around 9-10 months. I was a little worried about a nursing strike. But they do go through phases of interest. Now, DS just tells me when he wants to nurse by grabbing at my shirt. As soon as I walk in the door after work, he wants a boob.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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