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Full time stepmom and TTTC

RealMommaRealMomma
in Blended Families

Hello, I usually frequent the TTTC and Infertility boards, but decided to come here to see if anyone is in my same boat?

I am a full-time stepmom to 2 wonerful boys ages 7 and 9. My DH had children young with his ex and we have had full custody since 2006.

Now we are having TTTC. Not only was I upset that I have issues hindering fertillity, but his SA was low! Really, low? How annoying. Also, people will say "Well if it doesn't work you have two boys" or "If you can't get pregnant you can always adopt". Uhhh, I've kind of already done this and what is wrong with desperately wanting a child of my own? I love those boys to death and they are mine, and I am their Mom, but still... I want to carry my own child with my DH more than anything in the world. Hope someone out there understands.

Married June 2007
IUD Removed Dec 2009
TTC April 2010
HX: IF workup in June '11
Me: 29, Left Tube Blocked
DH: 28, Low Sperm Count/Morph
Trying for IUI Aug, Sept, Oct '11 - no go O'ing on left
Nov - 50mg clomid, 4 follies, wrong side - BFN
Dec - 100mg Clomid - IUI#1 - BFN
Jan '12 Break Cycle and RE Consult
19Jan2012 - CD#1
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Re: Full time stepmom and TTTC

  • MrsS2203MrsS2203 member

    The most well meaning individuals are usually the ones to hurt you.  I'm glad no one told me that it was ok I already had a child.  I did have a child,but I ,like you, wanted to carry my own.

    I suggested to another poster going to https://stepforums.bethany.org/  its a great support forum for those dealing with all stages of infertility.  They also but out a monthly newsletter.  I just finished "When Empty Arms Become A Heavy Burden" AMAZING book! 

    Good luck and if you need to chat please feel free to PM me.

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  • kali55kali55 member

    (((hugs)))

    I can understand how you feel.

    My DH has two daugthers that we had 50% of the time until recently and we started TTC and I got pregnant and I had a miscarriage shortly after.  I was devasted.  It seemed all the more worse because it felt like there was something wrong with me.  DH was obviously able to father healthy children, so it must be me.  But, as you can see by my ticker, I'm pregnant again.  I hope you are able to keep up hope and stay positive despite having TTTC.  I believe in miracles and I really do hope you get your healthy pregnancy and miracle baby! (or babies!!)

    As for that line of logic that you already have two boys, I would be frustrated with that too!  You may love those boys to death, but you never got to experience them kicking you from the inside, or getting to know them from the womb.



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  • limpetfanlimpetfan member

    I just paged you on 3T.  :)

     

    The Table Has Shoes (and Other Ambiguities)
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    Me = lean PCOS;DH = poor morphology (3%)
    3 IUI/TI cycles = BFN
    IVF #1 with ICSI: antagonist protocol = BFFN
    IVF #2 with ICSI : Lupron downregulation = BFFN...FML
    IVF #3 with ICSI and AH (Antagonist) = IT'S A BOY!!!!

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  • emikatemikat member
    I do understand how you feel.  I have a young SS who will be 4 soon.  We have him about 50% of the time.  We recently started TTC, but I'm worried because I'm 41 and I have no biological children of my own.  I had a loss a few years ago with my exH and I just don't know how I would deal with a loss or IF if it comes to that. I love my SS, but I would devastated if I couldn't have a baby of my own with my DH. I don't think people that aren't in this situation would understand and I already know that I would get those same comments about having a child in my life.  I just don't know how I would explain to them that yes, it's a blessing, but that it would also break my heart in ways that they could never imagine to have to be a stepmom without ever having the chance to be a biomom.  GL to you.  I hope it all works out. 
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    TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!

    FET 4/28/2015 - Transferred 1 M embie. 5/6/15 BFP!

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  • twinkl5379twinkl5379 member

    Hi. just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I am a SM to my H's 2 boys. We have been TTC for 1 year with no luck and didn't take BC for a year prior to that. So 2 years later, nothing.

    My H had an SA and his numbers were above normal (which is good), so I know it must be something with me that is problematic.

    I know how you feel in wanting your own biochild. For me, having skids that we see maybe 4 or 5 days a month is nothing like having my own. Plus, I really want that with my H, just like you. And I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with wanting your own child; it's a common and natural thing. I wish you the best of luck.

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  • honeybee #1honeybee #1
    I understand as well. I have two skids 11 and 12 who live with us full time that I love very much. But it always felt like a piece of the puzzle was missing. There's nothing quite like experiencing pregnancy and birth and I was always sad to have missed the early times with our two. I wish you the best with TTC.
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