Husband Deployed = Baby?

Jgiuliano3 · December 2011

My husband is in the Rochester National Guard and recently received his alert order for deployment next Summer. While we thought that kids were a few years in the future we always agreed that if he were to get deployed we'd start trying for a baby. But the suddenness of this is a little scary. He is 100% on board but I'm a little overwhelmed. I know that a baby would be such a source of joy for him, and may (selfishly) make his deployment go by quicker for me- but I'd be missing him for every milestone! I guess I was just amazed by how quickly he 'switched on' and I feel like I haven't had time to process. I'm not good with transition and honestly, I'm a little bit scared. I would love love love a baby- but, like I said, I feel nervous. Most of my friends aren't married yet, let alone thinking about babies. So I really hope someone can give me some advice. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have some words of wisdom?? I'd truly appreciate it!

LemonLover33 · December 2011

If you aren't ready, you need to tell him you aren't ready. A deployment shouldn't make your decision on procreating. You shouldn't feel pressured into having a child. It could lead to resentment of your husband and it is a HUGE responsibility and life changing event.

Mash67 · December 2011

My husband left for his deployment, and two weeks later, We found out I was pregnant, I was Crushed, I wasn't ready, at all and definitely not ready to do it all alone. Fast forward to now, Tyler is now 4 and we are trying for baby #2. Being alone sucked, my husband never got to feel our son move, or see my big pregnant belly, he even missed the birth by a day, and then the first 6 months of our sons life. When you are pregnant your emotions are crazy, and doing that alone was way worse.

We vowed to never do that again if we can control it. Now with deployment #4 looming in the end of 2012- beginning of 2013 we are racing the clock, and my Miscarriage isn't helping.

It's no fun doing it all alone, but If i was in your shoes, I would go for it! If he's on board, thats awesome, and sounds like he would be a great father seeing that hes eager to try now! good luck!

Just relax and give it time to sink in before you decide!!

corbinsmine · December 2011

I am currently pregnant while husband is away and honestly it bothers us both. I need his help all the time and it upsets me that hes not here. Just the smallest things bother me sometimes, like wanted to sleep in instead of walking the dogs in the morning or wanting someone to make you a meal. If my husband was here I know he would be soooo helpful, but then again not all men are. Not to mention wanting to tell him how you feel and needing comfort, cuddle time, sex, massages.... you will miss all of that while he his gone. Ofcourse for me now is the time to want these things more than I ever wanted them. Another thing that makes us both sad is the fact he cant go to the birthing classes with me, could miss the birth all together, and has missed the major things like kicks and rolls. I really dont have any advice for you, just make sure you weigh in all the factors. At the same time, he comes home in two weeks for two weeks and he will be able to do some milestones with me, So I think we appreciate each other more.

Lissa832 · December 2011

I see this rationale often, and I think it is one of the dumbest things you can do. A deployment shouldn't dictate when you start TTC. Being ready physically and emotionally should.

Joie80 · December 2011

If you're not ready, please don't do it. We were TTC before DH got orders. Once he got the surprise orders we decided not to change our minds because so much for us has been sporadic that we find we can not plan our lives our the Marine Corps. I don't regret our decision; but, it is tough being pregnant alone. DH left when I was about 19weeks and he'll be back a couple months after LO gets here. If I could do it again, I would, but only because we were really ready to start our family, not simply because he was deploying.

Emilia0101 · December 2011

Lissa832:
I see this rationale often, and I think it is one of the dumbest things you can do. A deployment shouldn't dictate when you start TTC. Being ready physically and emotionally should.

This!

Gismo123 · December 2011

If you aren't ready then please don't have a baby. You can't rush things just because he's being deployed and you think it will make time go by faster. This probably isn't going to be his first deployment so how are you going to cope next time? By having another baby? There should be support groups on his base where you can meet other women who's husbands are also deployed. I would look into that and make some friends that can relate to what you are going through.

snb15 · December 2011

A month after we found out that I was pregnant, we found out that my husband would be deployed and would be missing the birth, plus 5 months. It is a similar situation, but I just want to say that it is so much harder to do everything alone and take care of a baby. Plus, it definitely does not make the deployment go by easier or faster for my husband. It is probably the hardest deployment yet (our 5th deployment!) and he is definitely missing out on so much, which makes him very sad. I would never do this again by choice.

That said, I would wait, especially if you aren't ready.

MrsDarga · December 2011

My DH is deploying right after LO is born! I am so thankful that he can atleast be for my pregnancy and the birth of our first LO.

Your DH sounds like he is a great guy and he is excited about starting a little family. If hes anything like my DH he will want be there for your pregnancy and birth of your future LO. What if they leave earlier than expected and you are still pregnant when he leaves and you have to give birth without him. Could you do it, do you want to do that without him? Dont put yourself in a situation that you dont want to be in! Dont make things harder on you!

When I first became pregnant DH was going to be getting out in July. Now hes going overseas and extending. There was a time when I thought he wasnt going to be able to be here for the birth! I was devistated! He is the only one I want in the room. I felt like he was going to miss something so special. It was really hard. But now he will be here and I feel like hes going to be missing out on your little girls first smile, laugh, words, learning to crawl, and all the wonderful things that parents should experience together.

Think about it please! I know that you are not going to want to do/experience things without him!

armybride31 · December 2011

My husband will be leaving for a year within the next few days and we have our 4 month old. Had we known he was going to be getting deployed again so soon we would have waited. He is absolutely crushed that he is going to miss many of her firsts. We were so lucky to have him home for my pregnancy and for the birth. I say that a deployment shouldn't be a reason to have a baby and that if you aren't ready don't do it. Deployments are so overwhelming in itself and adding the stress of having to care for someone else besides yourself can really send you over the edge. I am terrified about being a single parent even though I normally take care of her most of the time. It's always nice to have the daddy there to be a part of everything and to be your support system as well. Think it through!

brycyn714 · December 2011

I am pregnant and my husband is scheduled to deploy before the due date and wont be around for __ months, we decided to not prevent getting pregnant when we knew he would be deployed. I can't imagine living my life without a piece of him if something were to happen, I wouldn't remarry and I want a family with him. What my MIL suggested to me was stop methods of birth control and see what God has in plan for you. In my opinion, nothing happens in God's world by mistake.

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