LO's future- is college a must

annerz22 · December 2011

DH and I were talking about this last night and it got me thinking about what other moms think.

Is college a must for your LO and other children to be? Or will you be happy if they go to vocational/trade school?

I have a bachelors from a top school in my field and debate going back for my masters. My parents never forced me to go to college, they just said I HAD to do something whether it be 4 years, 2 years, or a trade school like cosmetology or culinary. DH however did a 2 year acting academy and went on to be a somewhat sucessful actor in LA for 5 years. He tried the ''real'' college route for 2 years and it wasn't for him. He went on to get has his real estate license and is kicking butt in his career. He does not have a 4 year or even 2 year degree.

I guess I feel like I would hope my child would go the college route, but I know that's not for everyone (as it wasn't for DH). As long as my child picks a trade or vocation and sticks to it, I'd be happy with that.

JEK76 · December 2011

We've had this talk b/c we have a 2 y/o son. My DH felt pressured by his parents to go to college when he felt he really wasn't ready. We know lots of successful people who attended college but plenty of successful people who persued other routes such as trade school. We've decided we'll suppport whatever our kids want to do. If it's college, then great, but if there's another avenue they want to persue then that's great, too. We don't want our kids resenting us the way DH resents his parents when it comes to college.

cmb820 · December 2011

I feel exactly the same as you do. Since I'm a lawyer, obviously I value the world of academia, but my husband is a tradesman and sometimes feels down on himself because he has an associates degree whereas I have a law degree. It certainly doesn't matter to me what he has or doesn't have, as I've explained to him school isn't for everyone. Some people are school types, some aren't. I just want my children to find an occupation that makes them happy and able to sustain the lifestyle that they want. I mean really, what more could a parent ask for than happy, successful (successful by their OWN definition) offspring?

ECUGirl2004 · December 2011

DH and I both firmly agree that college is not a "must," though we both have undergrad degrees and I have a master's degree (and he has grad school credit as well). We both believe that going to trade school, doing an apprenticeship, or something similar can be just as valuable and can lead to a lucrative, fulfilling career. I want my children to do something they enjoy and that they can be successful at. If they want to go to college and get a 4-year degree, that's great. If they want to go to a trade school, that's fine too.

panda10 · December 2011

No, it's not. I know plenty of losers still living with their moms and have their master's and I know some awesome and successful people who never even went to trade school and learned from hard knocks.

As long as they are doing what they love and are contributing members to society, then I say they are okay in my book!

bloverde · December 2011

I am a resident. If I sub-specialize, that's 14 years of higher education before I'm a "real" doctor in my field. That a shitton of education, and you only put yourself through that if you truly love what you do. DH does computer stuff with a bachelor's. Obviously we understand the value of higher education.

We want our kids to do whatever they love. (Within reason. You can't crash on our couch and be bum because that's what you "love.") Unfortunately, college is now just the next step. There are so many people with a degree working outside their field. Even when I was there, I saw so many kids who were just in college because that was what was expected. If they decide on a chosen vocation that doesn't require a 4 year degree, great! Some of those technical fields can be well compensated careers.

Chelsey68 · December 2011

my husbands job provides a college fund for all of our children so we do hope they go to college, but if they dont want to the they probably wouldnt do as well as if they chose so themselves. i know many men who never set foot in a college or just went to a trade school and alot of them are more successful then some people that did. i will support my children in whatever it is they want to do. I on the other hand wanted to go to college but my mom refused to cosign for my loans. The college said no signature no money.

cwie828 · December 2011

I feel the same way as you even though neither DH nor I have a college degree (yet!) I am working on mine still, my husband has completely opted out. He is in a skilled trade and co-owns a business. It is something he is happy doing until he can retire so I see no problem there. My biggest thing now that I am about to be a mommy is wondering if I will ever be professionally fulfilled. College has been a long hard road for me: financially my parents could not put anything aside for me so I've had to work and pay my way through school. It is my biggest hope that we can set aside money so that my children do not have to struggle through it as I have.

cwie828 · December 2011

panda10:
No, it's not. I know plenty of losers still living with their moms and have their master's and I know some awesome and successful people who never even went to trade school and learned from hard knocks.

As long as they are doing what they love and are contributing members to society, then I say they are okay in my book!

I actually really love and agree with this. I too, know tons of people with master's degrees that are still not doing anything with their lives.

saenastarsley · December 2011

Although I think college allows children to be well-rounded and develop themselves away from familial influence, and both FI and I did choose the college route (he has an MA in Architecture and Planning and I'm working on my BA), I think so long as our children are doing something, whether it be college, trade school, etc, and not living in our basement until they're 30 we'll be proud. FI and I want our children to take initiative to reach their goals and if they don't think the college route is a means to do that and have a different option they think will work for them, we'll support it. We all want our children to be successful and happy, and have more than a job. If my children skipped college and joined the Peace Corps or something similar, I'd be proud. We may have an idealized view about this, but both of us love the career paths we've chosen, and we want our children to have that same passion and drive.

alkmetz23 · December 2011

College is not a must for our LO's. I have a bachelor's and master's degree in my field and currently teach full-time at a university. I am not an adjunct, but a full-time faculty member in my field. DH, on the other hand, graduated from high school and began working full-time for my FIL. At the age of 20, my DH started his own business, and he pays himself a yearly salary that is higher than mine. He could afford to give himself a raise, but he'd rather reinvest the money into the business and take the raise later. College is not a must because college does not equal real-world success, and we will not push our LO's to go, but we will do everything we can to help them realize their full potential.

hayley80 · December 2011

IA with you ladies. It is not a must for us eithier. I would love for them to go if they want to but they do not have to. That being said, they will not go the route of me supporting them after the are out of HS. They will HAVE to get a job.

vintagejjane · December 2011

College is not a must. We are going to highly encourage it, but my husband does not have a college degree and owns a successful company. Although, it doesn't always work out that way. We are going to teach them the value of education and will set up a college fund that is only used for college.

deziyou · December 2011

I like the idea of my children being educated, so I really have high hopes for them to attend college. However, I too, know plenty of people who have never taken a single college course and still have done very well. My good friend works for Fed Ex as a driver and makes over 100k a year. I think their happiness matters most! I'd prefer for them to attend college, but if their heart is somewhere else, I support that as well.

LadySnowblood · December 2011

panda10:

No, it's not. I know plenty of losers still living with their moms and have their master's and I know some awesome and successful people who never even went to trade school and learned from hard knocks.

As long as they are doing what they love and are contributing members to society, then I say they are okay in my book!

This. I also know a lot of kids who were pushed into college only to flush their educations (or lack thereof) down the toilet by flunking their classes and/or taking so long they never finished. If all they're going to do is waste my/their time and money, then there's no point.

That said, my kids will be highly encouraged to go to college. DH hasn't had any secondary education yet and highly regrets that. I know he will have a lot to teach our kids about that.

Middlesnpoddles · December 2011

Our Opinion:

College, Maybe. Some sort of education/trade school.. absolutely. I would prefer LO go to college, absolutely. Will I encourage her to do that? YEP!

BUT if she decides she want to grow up sell real estate like her daddy.. she doesn't need college for that, and that's fine- she would need a different type of training.

Either way we want her to have some sort of skill/trade training for whatever she aims for in life.

mrsbecky07 · December 2011

General answer? Yes. If my child feels very strongly that another path is better for him/her, we'd be open to discussing it and I wouldnt say no or force my child to attend college when it would do nothing for what they want. But it'd have to be a VERY strong inclination.

But generally - yes, it's a must. h and I both believe a great deal in education for education's sake and I think there is a lot of value to college beyond your diploma and job upon graduation. But like I said, I'd be willing to consider other options, but as a default, college.

Middlesnpoddles · December 2011

Also, Annerz22 your story is sorta like mine and DH's!

I have a bachelor degree and DH went to film school for 2 years in Nashville, hoping for a big movie career. He didn't like the "school" part, but ended up making a ton of contacts and still does movies for fun. He ended up coming home and doing real estate (Nashville on the weekends). He doesn't have a degree of any kind either, but he does have his real estate license and auctioneer license and he makes more money than I do!

ETA: spelling

cbottali · December 2011

I definitely am preparing for them to go to college and setting up a college fund, I will be happy as long as they are doing something with their lives. I have a bachelors and my husband has 2 different associates degrees and now I don't want to do anything with my degree and my husband owns a landscaping company. All I want is for my kids to be happy.

NewlywedInNewYork · December 2011

100% yes. I really believe that you need to have a college degree at minimum in this day and age. Honestly for most professional jobs now, you need more than just an undergraduate degree.. so I'm sure things are only going to become more competitive 20 years from now. I wonder if part of this is a regional thing. I honestly don't know anyone (socially, through work, or otherwise) that hasn't gone to college. It's a rarity for me to meet someone who doesn't have a graduate degree.

pnkfaerie · December 2011

I went to college for 3 years and hated it, I quit and joined the military. I'm an IT specialist and learned more in the military than I did in college. I wont force my child to pursue the military or college but it would be nice considering the military will pay for my child to go to college for 4 years.

FroggyFarts · December 2011

I would love for my children to go on to get higher education and pursue a career in a field that they love. But, it is not an expectation that I have of them. I do know where my boundaries are and as long as they're being responsible to a degree with their life, I don't care whether or not they've gone about it in the educational pathway or through stumbling into something with little book smarts.

I do know this: When I was 18 and freshly out of high school, I started college because I felt like it was the next expected step. I had no idea what I wanted. I dabbled in this and that in college and never really found my niche. Then I got pregnant and dropped schooling for over two years. Coming back into it at 23, I tested the water with Early Childhood Education figuring at least I'd be a better parent for it and at most -- I'd love it.

I loved it. It took me until the age of 23 to realize what I wanted my life career to be.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't expect my 18 year old to know what they really want to do for the rest of their life, therefore I don't expect them to jump headfirst into college.

redheadinlove · December 2011

As long as they get their butt out of my house and start supporting themselves, I will be supportive of them. As long as they're happy, healthy, and not falling into a mess, they can choose whatever amount of schooling after high school they want.

You can be pretty successful without a college degree, but it's definitely easier with one.

rubber_chicken · December 2011

I don't think college is the default answer. My brother has a 4 year degree and is now apprenticed to an electrician. I think he'd have been better off with a 2 year business associates and a 2 year leap on the apprenticeship.

There's an argument to be made for academia for the sake of academia, but frankly, I want my kids to have stable, secure, fulfilling careers. The amount I've bounced around proves that college doesn't necessarily guarantee that.

easjer05 · December 2011

Because I worked in higher education for awhile, my perspective is different than a lot of my friends/peers. Most of us were expected to go to college and not given other choices. My feelings are also influenced by the fact that DH dropped out of college after we got married - due to personal problems, he'd had several bad semesters, wasn't happy and he got a full time job with benefits and was happy with that. I was happy to support whatever decision he made. He returned to college a few months after our son died, but it's very slow going. He may graduate in May 2013, or it may be the following fall, depending on class availability - and he returned as a senior!

So for me - I think post-secondary education is something that a person should do only if they want to do so and are willing to embrace the entire experience of higher education. It's not something that should be done because they don't know what else to do, or because they are forced to, and I hate it when parents pay all the bills (90% of those kids did not apply themselves, dawdled around and drank too much). If my kid wants to go to a trade school or or something like that, good for them. Honestly, that's where the money is now and it may still be that way.

I think education is great and important, but I firmly believe it should be for personal enrichment, not a stepping stone to a job. Whatever is going to make my kid happy is fine. I have no plans to support them forever, so s/he'll have to go out and find a job or figure things out - but what they choose is up to them (er, barring illegal activities or unsafe professions, of course. I mean, they still could, but I couldn't condone it).

blueshamrock7 · December 2011

We will start a "college fund," but if our LO feels it's not for them, as long as they have a path they are headed in workwise, it will have to be OK and we can save that for whatever they then decide. My husband hated school - hated it. I loved it. I did very well in school, he slid by under the radar. At graduation, he couldn't wait to get the heck out of there. I cried my eyes out when I left my private college prep high school. I went on to get my BA and struggled a lot after college with "what I wanted to do." My hubby tried a variety of jobs and excelled at all of them, with only his high school diploma. He currently makes more money than I do working for the Post Office and has done so for over 11 years lol. It's not for everyone - it took meeting my husband for me to see that so I'll be open with my son or daughter, too. I'm secretly hoping that our LO will love school as much as I did, though :-)

Natalie&Mark · December 2011

We'll definitely encourage college, but if we have a kid that knows from age 15 he/she wants to be a mechanic or something, then we'll encourage that passion.

My little brother (actually all 3 of us) had full-ride 4-yr tuition covered at an in-state school. Brother walked away from it, after we all begged him to give it a shot at least, and eventually joined the Air Force. He's on a great track now, but admitted to us after basic that he will always regret and wonder about college. His income has definitely taken a hit going this route vs school first then AF, even, but I tell myself that this was the path God intended for him.

I personally don't subscribe to the "college just isn't my style" school of thought, because there really is one for most everyone, unless your passion really doesn't require it. (Especially if it's free!) Still SMH now and then...ah, siblings.

melissa721 · December 2011

As long as LO picks something they are happy with, they make an honest living and can support themselves with their income, I'd be happy with most anything.

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