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LONG!!! I need help to get out of my funk

MandiNewMommyMandiNewMommy member
in Postpartum Depression
Okay so I am in a super funk.  I thought I had kicked the PPD and moved on.  Not sure this is PPD or just Depression.  Here is a little back story.  On Dec 23 2009 I lost my bestfriend and husband.  He had a heart attack in his sleep.  My world crashed to halt.  I had a really hard time with this. Thank god for my family and friends.  Well in Nov of 2010 I went out for my 29th bday to try and have a good time.  An old friend (who I grew up down the street from) was at the bar.  He told me he had left his wife, his father had just passed away not long before and we just seemed to click.  Well a few weeks later I got my BFP and he then told me he had not really left his wife that he was just unhappy but that I could not have this baby because she would take his child away from him.  (he had told her he was staying with his mom because she was sick and she was but his wife had no idea he was unhappy) anyways I told him to go f himself I would do it on my own.  That brings us to Feb 2011.  I went out to dinner with some friends and a friend of a friend was there.  I had seen him a few time and thought it was a super cutie.  Anyways he asked me out and at the time I told him um look I just lost my husband and I am knocked up and he still wanted to hangout.  Said he always thought I was cute..blah blah blah.  He has been so awesome and super suprive with everything.  He was there the whole time I was pregnant and even held my hand while giving birth.  When I lost my Adam I never thought I would be happy again and the fact that I am makes me feel guilty.  Anyways I am so blassed with everything I have today and truely feel everything happens for a reason.  I am trying so hard to stay upbeat and positive not only for LO but SO as well.  I am just not sure I can.  I am so on edge all the time, feel like crying and have been kind of pushing SO away.  I am already on xanax (well back on after giving birth) and Zolft.  I am not really sure why I am pouring my hear out here but I am just feeling very overwheelmed and not sure how to fit it.  I am the strong one.  The one that holds things together.  Okay well enough rambling....
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Re: LONG!!! I need help to get out of my funk

  • ksspiffksspiff member
    Wow!  That is a lot to deal with!  I hope the xanax and Zoloft start working. 
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  • Kristine SchillingKristine Schilling
    you do not need to be the strong one all the time. You are talking here because you need someone to listen. Are you seeing a therapist as well as being on meds? Your SO sounds like a great guy, I am betting he has noticed you are unhappy and would like it if you talked to him about how you feel.
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  • MandiNewMommyMandiNewMommy member
    I saw a therapist right after my Husband passed away.  My insurance does not cover mental health.  I just cant afford to go like I should be. 
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  • jcegan71jcegan71 member
    See if your local university has a psych/counseling program.  They may offer low/no-cost therapy.  It's usually performed by grad students but supervised by licensed faculty counselors.  I also agree that you need to share how you're feeling with SO.  He probably has guessed, but doesn't want to bring it up.  He may not have the answers, but at least he's someone (other than us) to listen.  Hang in there - I hope and pray that you can get the help that you need. 
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  • Peaches727Peaches727
    Thanks for posting this...my husband is my world and if he wasnt here I dont know what I'd do without him. The fact that you've continued though having depression says you're a super strong woman and makes me feel like if anything happened I could continue too. I hope things are getting better for you.
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