How do you handle the inlaws?

mamastich · December 2011

So were officially separated headed for divorce and my MIL is still trying to contact me / asking us to stop by on our (me and DD) roadtrip across the country to get back to my moms. I told her I would orginally and then things got really ugly between me and STBXH and I decided I didnt feel comfortable or obligated to make this stop (which is a few hours out of the way). A few questions...

Am I in the right to not stop by, she only lives 6 hours away and has yet to make the effort to come up here?

What, if any relationship do you have w your ILs?

If you were not that close in the first place, did you feel comfortable just cutting them out?

Any other thoughts are welcome!

cj803kj411 · December 2011

its weird no matter how you handle it. because you will feel obligated to make sure your child sees their grandparents etc but why should it be your responsibility if 1 your ex doesnt make the effort and 2 they dont make the effort.

Unfortunately i STILL am taking my son to his grandmothers on my exs side once a week and she takes him for his dads holidays (hes not exactly dependable or around. its weird with my bf now because i have two sets of in laws basically and well holidays are interesting to say the least lol.

LoveyFNR · December 2011

My MIL does not yet know that I plan on leaving H, he's in prison and I am in the process of filing divorce papers. She thinks I plan on staying with him. My relationship with her has always been rocky. The woman is a frickin nutcase to the max. She lives about 5 minutes away and has only come to see R once which we actually had to PAY her to do. Other than that we always had to bring him to see her. She has seen him maybe a max of 7 times since he's been born.

Because of the fact I'm not a mean person and H will be lucky to get any type of visitation with the kids, I will continue to bring R to see both his grandma and great grandma (the only two family members H has). I also do not trust them to not lie to me and have H over without my knowledge. So if they want to see the kids I will bring them by for a couple hours every once in a while and I will sit there during the visit and then leave with them.

It doesn't change the fact I really can't stand either of them but I don't think it's fair to keep the kids from them because STBXH is a dumbshit.

In your situation, I probably wouldn't go. Traveling with a LO is hard enough without having to go out of your way to visit with an in law. How is your relationship with her? If it's great then go visit but if there would be any tension then I would probably pass. She never made the effort to come see you afterall.

SoldiersGreenBean · December 2011

What is best for your DD?

Why not take the high road?

mamastich · December 2011

SoldiersGreenBean:

What is best for your DD?

Why not take the high road?

I go back and forth... Im not sure what exactly is best for her on this one. Obviously she doesnt need any negative relationships in her life. The ILs havent made any effort to be in DD life and MIL is kind of crazy and never follows through. I feel while she is so young it should be up to them to make the effort. When shes a little old then I would try to encourage that relationship.

I guess I could look into making a stop to see them somewhere more convienent for me, I really just dont want to sleep in their house or spend a solid amount of time with them.. MIL would not be able to avoid asking about STBXH. I feel like I need some time and then can revisit the situation but they live across the country so who knows when they will ever see her..

achase123 · December 2011

I wouldn't cut them out, provided that they can be mature about things and care about having a relationship with DD. If it's not out of your way to stop by, I would oblige but keep it short and sweet. if she wants to see DD in the future she can come ot you.

cautionwillburneyes · December 2011

Seeing as how it is a few hours out of the way I don't think I would stop by. I think if she wants to see the grandkids she can be the one doing the driving. I know several hours in the car with kids is bad enough, I wouldn't make it longer for my XILs.

LadyLissame · December 2011

Honestly, things have gotten to be better between me and the ILs since STBX moved back in with them. In fact, I think I am friendlier to them than him!

Before this, things were tense between us. Now I look back and wonder how much was started by STBX since he was the one telling me what she was saying. Now, if I need to tell her something, I go straight to her.

scout426 · December 2011

I am still walking this learning curve line when it comes to inlaws. MIL has been fine. Very supportive and helpful but also makes no bones about trying to help her son get better so that if this does end in divorce that he will get the chance to parent dd (H fell off his rocker and is in court mandated therapy to help). As far as XFIL I will not make any effort to include him in dd's life. Which in the past 2 months has not been a problem bc the only time he contacted me was to let me know that I was wrong having his son committed and that all my H had to do was accept JC as his savior and he would be healed plusalso he would have to leave me seeing as how I am obviously satan. DD doesnt need that crazy train. If he calls to talk to dd I will allow it but hes not the type to call or visit. Just the type to stand on the corner and scream that I wont allow him to call or visit. If h and I are to reconcile and move on it will have to be sans FIL per every professional that H and I have had to talk to. I'm just not sure H is willing to cut those strings.

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