Blended Families
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Hold me back
This afternoon my 3 year old daughter told me that at some point over the Thanksgiving break, my 15 year old stepson made her put her hands down his pants. I am really wanting to go to his mothers house and strangle him right now. And of course I can't get in touch with my husband until he gets off work tonight. I just needed to vent to someone right now. I'm pi$$ed.
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Re: Hold me back
Yes, and DO NOT ask her more questions, you will think you are helping but could make it worse b/c assuming he did it and you go to the police they can think she was lead to answer a certain way. And if she sees your disapproval then she can change her story b/c she does not want Mommy mad. Go to Parenting board and PM or post for Nire and ask her if she has advice, unfortunately she has a not of experience.
ETA: If you do not do something to verify if it is true and protect her if it is then there is a high likelyhood that he would do it again or more to her or someone else, these things do not go away on their own and cannot be simply avoided b/c just by saying something like, "he will never be alone with her again."
I think you need to head to the ER and file a police report while you're there. They should have someone there who will be equipped to ask her the right questions.
I wouldn't wait for your husband. He should understand. Take care of your child.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
This board is here for support. I want nothing more than to hear you and your daughter get the help you need. You got some great responses and great advice.
I cannot imagine sitting at a time like this, however. You have a local police station. Even though it is after hours, there should be someone to talk to.
Nire I thought of you immediately.
Report this today, end of.
Just to echo pp, you need to take her somewhere. Maybe she won't talk, but I feel like you need to have this documented. And they will also help you figure out what to do--how to best talk to your daughter, how to deal with your SS, and that kind of thing.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
THIS. The only person I would worry about is my child!
I know people mean well and I'm sorry but I dont recall OP saying her DH put the childs hands down HIS pants. This man is not a villan and deserves the respect of a phone call/visit from his wife to inform him of what is going on and to decide as a COUPLE what steps to take next. This man may be just as furious as his wife and drop everything to get imediate help for HIS child.
Now, if he drags his butt, then you take over and proceed with the next step ASAP. But what a slap in the face that would be to a father to find out this happened, and his wife took it upon herself to act without informing him about what is going on with his child? If my husband did this to me and I'm sitting at work in the dark, I would be livid, hurt, betrayed etc....and could put my marriage on the line. Now how does that help the child?
I will say, that this info should not wait "til he gets home tonight". I would either be in the car on my way to my DH's office or on the phone telling him to get his butt home so we can proceed to the next step!
I think a man who is mad at his wife for getting help for their child is seriously screwed up in his priorities.
Ummmmm, I think you read that wrong. It says he is AS mad AS his wife. Not mad AT his wife.
I guess angry husband/angry wife. Same thing. If OP's H would be mad at her for going for help without him, I think the priorities are misplaced.
I respectfully disagree. If it is MY child as well and we are in it together then we decide together how to go forward. It didnt say she was in physical danger where you have to react right then and there like being attacked in front of your eyes. It takes 2 SECONDS to pick up a phone to the childs FATHER and say, who do we call and what do we do. Lets be real, if it was you, you'd be pissssssst that a 2 second call was not made to you.
Exactly. If I had been the spouse at work, I'd be pissed if I got home and my H hadn't done anything.
I somewhat agree with you and will say that yesterday she probably should have called her DH if possible and told him what happened and where she is going and requested that he meet her there. What needs to be discussed as far as what to do next? It is either take her somewhere to get it documented or not to, to me that is not a choice. I totally agree that if this was my child and my DH did not call me I would be irate but if he was not able to reach me I would expect that he would take her without me, especially if there is a risk of an adult continuing to talk to the child. Unfortunately my concern with this and therefore my initial response was a worry of the father thinking his child would never do it or him being scared of the trouble that could come down on his other child, I am not saying that makes him a victim if he responded that way or even that he would respond that way (obviously I do not know him) but that it is a concern.
Where in the OP did it say she couldnt reach her husband. And where did I say if you cant reach DH to do nothing???? She said she would wait til DH got home and I said, either call him ASAP to let him know what is going on or get in the car and go to him. Unless he is on a secret mission for the military, he IS reachable. THEN take the next step. No where did anybody say, do nothing.
Clearly, if the man can't be reached----DO SOMETHING! The point was to give that man the respect of a phone call and or visit to his job, then proceed. And those of you who found out your husband took matters into his own hands and you were just a phone call away or minutes from your house, you'd be livid. I'd hog tie DH's balls if he did that to me cause nothing at work is more important than your child and I'd be out that door in 2 seconds flat. Period.
Again, agreed. I think we are arguing semantics. I think the husband should be informed, if possible, immediately. I know my DH would drop everything, and either come and get us or meet us where we were going.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013