frustrated with DH giving in to DD (vent)

racampbell1 · December 2011

GRR!! DH is such a pushover sometimes!!!! I know its hard with a whiny 2 year old, but JEEZ LOUISE is it that hard to figure out that if you keep giving in, she will KEEP WHINING to get her way??!! Ugh. Fighting with him about this is not how I wanted to start my week. Harrumph. Any advice?

BrideBuddies · December 2011

I'm the pushover in this family. The solution is for HIM to deal with her when she's whining. You go disappear.. me time, get a Starbucks, etc.

But if he does it, then leaves for work or whatever, that's a no-go.

LauraLynneC · December 2011

Let him know that unless he learns to set boundaries (and stick to them) now - it will only get harder. He's in training for a TEENAGER - that's harder than a marathon!

JilliansMoma · December 2011

I have no advise but a story of one of my friends who was a young mom when I was in my early 20's. I learned a lot of how not to parent by watching her!!

She would take her LO to the store with her and every time the LO would ask for some toy or another and she would say no but then the LO would proceed to have a major "melt down" screaming bloody murder, crying, kicking/stomping feet. I mean it was an Oscar worthy performance by the world's most manipulative 3 year old! My friend would always give her exactly what she wanted because she was so embarrassed by her 3 year old! I guess it's easier to see what's wrong from the outside looking but it got really bad for my friend there for a while because of the vicious cycle she created by giving in.

GL I hope he gets better!!

JM

Pesky · December 2011

All I had to say a few times is "so you like the whining so much that you are training her to do that? Because you just rewarded her for it which will only make her do it again." That got DH thinking a bit more about the behavior he was reinforcing. We also have had frank discussions about when we need to take a firm line. I'm a pushover about some things (I still haven't taken DS's pacifier away) and he's more a pushover about others (fudging bedtime). Like pp said, I let him take the consequences for his stuff though.

gimmietimmies · December 2011

Pesky:
All I had to say a few times is "so you like the whining so much that you are training her to do that? Because you just rewarded her for it which will only make her do it again." That got DH thinking a bit more about the behavior he was reinforcing. We also have had frank discussions about when we need to take a firm line. I'm a pushover about some things (I still haven't taken DS's pacifier away) and he's more a pushover about others (fudging bedtime). Like pp said, I let him take the consequences for his stuff though.

Ditto Pesky. I only have one that is persistant and relentless when she wants somethiing (E- but gee, who'd have guessed). You could say no a million times and she'll keep coming. Or go to DH. So she gets one of two things; a very firm, very loud no from DH, or time out from me for not listening when she's told no and to stop asking. The pushover is Grandpa, and he's been given sh!t for it.

@Pesky - I adore your siggy pic with Great Grandma, that is so awesome.

EastCoastBride · December 2011

Pesky:
All I had to say a few times is "so you like the whining so much that you are training her to do that? Because you just rewarded her for it which will only make her do it again."

This. There are things that both DH and I dont' care that much about, but there are other things that we're both VERY firm about.

Your DH needs to realize that while it's hard right now, in the long run, setting firm boundaries and not giving in will actually make your life much, much, much easier. It seems hard, but it's actually the easier approach.

Taking what SEEMS like the easy approach now (giving in) will only make the long run a lot harder.

newbee36 · December 2011

Advice-talk to your husband. Otherwise you will be in a big trouble. NO experience, but they say it only gets worst. I try to discuss those things with DH now. We will see how we do... Good luck!

EastCoastBride · December 2011

Another approach to take with him too- you and he need to be a team. You dont' want your DD learning "mommy is the tough one. I can just run to daddy behind her back to get what I want".

Again -that is another was that he will be making your lives as she gets older hard, hard, HARD. You don't want her to learn she can play you against one another.

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